Page 16 of Forever Not Yours

Funny how my head was clear this morning, being Monday and all that. But this was my routine. I got up at four every morning, walked Flossie, went to the gym. Had breakfast on the go before being at the office just before seven. I worked eight hours straight before leaving my desk at three sharp. Got myself home, had a snack and went to bed again. It had worked really well with Juliet, who had a schedule that ran around fourhours behind my own, which meant she got space, I got space.

And now I had all the space.

The memories from yesterday came crashing back at me. How she’d stormed back out throwing stuff at me. Crying. Threats. Anger. So much fucking anger in one human being.

I didn’t blame her, hell no. She was going to cancel everything, stop it all. And I would cough up the money and pay her back for all the stuff she’d paid for, down to the very last crumb of wedding cake.

I would. Of course I would. Perhaps the reason I had let her pay for it all and not involved myself was clear for both of us to see now. I’d been scared and overwhelmed, terrified of the future I was signing myself up for. But if I’d been scared before, I was paralysed now.

Still, I pretended everything was normal and walked into the office like there was absolutely nothing wrong in the world. I could still feel him all over my skin. Every time I sat down. And yes, I had been drunk and not very well, but my marbles were far too intact. I remembered everything. How he’d made me feel.

And the terrifying truth those feelings had brought to the surface. One by one.

Fear. So much fear. Fear of everything in the world, when I had everything to keep me safe, right here.

And the absolute fact that I had been a horrific partner to Juliet. Something else I didn’t want to face right now.

The sigh of relief that came out of me walking past her empty office was a welcome comfort, even more so when the news spread that Juliet had taken a day off. Everyone suddenly looked at me as if they knew I was to blame. Juliet never took a day off. I grunted loudly at anyone staring, which put them all back into line. My team knew better than to mess with me, especially in the office. I may have been a certified nutcase underneath my suit, but I could run this office in my sleep. So could Kieron, who slapped a file on my desk with one eyebrow raised.

“Juliet,” he said. Yes. I knew.

“Don’t,” I grunted. “Work.”

“She sent me a proposal. An offer.”

“Really?”

“I take the new role. You step into my team.”

Fuck you, Juliet.

“Fuck off, Kieron.”

I wasn’t sure if he was railing me up or if she had really done this. Not as big as a surprise as it could have been. She had already shown me the proposal to rearrange our teams to streamline our productivity and better utilise our office capacity. No redundancies, just stepping us all sideways into nice little lines, the way Juliet liked it.

I wanted up, not sideways, but I understood her logic. I’d just hoped she would reconsider. Apparently, she hadn’t, and this was just the start. I could see it now, how she would carefully manage me out of her life. Out of the company.

Juliet was smart.

She also loved me.

I wasn’t going to cry in the office. Wasn’t going to let anyone in on the fact that I’d seen Juliet’s email from her private account. A cold and professional row of words, sent to all the people we’d invited to the wedding. A curt message informing them of the change of circumstances. She was acting too fast, and I wasexpecting a concerned phone call from my parents, any minute.

A kneejerk reaction, you might think, but this was kind of the tip of the iceberg, a last straw for Juliet, who had been more than patient with me and my ways. Something I, Bastien Dewaert, had brought on myself.

It wasn’t like she hadn’t warned me after the last time I’d… Damn it.

I should just have stopped this, ages ago. Sat down with her and hashed it all out. I hadn’t. And now here I was, while she was at home waging a war she would absolutely win. Hands down. I wanted to hold my hands up, wave a white flag of peace, but I knew it was a futile thought.

Perhaps I should take some time off too, wallow on Jakey’s sofa until I started to smell and he carted me off to my childhood home, told my parents to sort me out. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d had to do that.

There was a pattern, and I was sick of it. Sick of making sharp decisions at work, being on the ball, handling clients like I was orchestrating greatness. Note, I was. Then I’d go home and let everything fallapart. I had no idea how people lived without doing that. Jake never fell apart. Juliet didn’t either. Everyone else managed just fine, apart from me.

I grunted in gratitude as another cup of coffee was placed on my desk by my current intern, assigned to me for a few weeks to learn the ropes and serve me coffee and green healthy smoothies, know my every whim, take notes. Clean up my mess. I wondered if I could ask her to sort out my life. The discomfort on her face when I asked her that question was almost comical. No doubt the rumours around the office were already rife.

That made me smile. I wasn’t a complicated person, not really. It was just my life, and now I was back with Jake. A huge step backwards where I should have moved forward.

Jake.

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