Page 69 of Bleeding Hearts

The expression on Kellie’s face is so absurd that I can barely contain my laughter.

“Like you wear it and then wash it? Nothing else? That’s disgusting.”

“I don’t know, exactly. But I don’t think that’s how I’d use it. It would be my backup plan. What I’d use along with the others to keep my clothes from becoming soiled.” I pull out a pair and show her. “Or something I might wear on light days when the damn thing can’t decide what it wants to do.”

Holding them in her hand, Kellie examines them closely. “They feel heavier and like they might have a plastic layer in them. But not so bad. What else?”

“Pads of all sizes. Tampons, but you might not want to use those yet. They are for heavier days. Most start with pads and then, after they understand what to expect, they move on to tampons.”

Kellie stands next to me with her hands behind her back. “What do you use?”

I reach for a box and open it, pulling out a green cup. “I like this. It’s a cup.”

“You shove that inside you?” Her eyes grow large and she crosses her legs. “No. That has to hurt.”

“It doesn’t. But, again, it’s something you use once you’re more comfortable with your body. I’m not sure I’d have used one of these when I was eleven, either.”

“You stared your period at my age?”

I rest my hand on her shoulder. “I started mine at ten. Alicia was twelve. I hated her for getting two more years than me.”

“I’m gonna get boobs now, aren’t I?” A frown creases her face as her eyes fall to the two tiny rosebuds on her chest. “Why did I have to be born a girl?”

“Because being a girl is cool. Boys wouldn’t even exist without us.”

“That works both ways.” Kellie points out.

“True. But can you imagine your dad or the twins having to carry a baby inside of them for nine months?” She shakes her head, and I wink. “And let me tell you how amazing that is. Best time of my life was growing those two knuckleheads. I bet your mom felt the same about you and Mollie. Your Aunt Cora will feel the same about the little one she’s carrying. If you were born a boy, you wouldn’t be able to do that. And you wouldn’t get to have an excuse to eat chocolate once a month or blame your emotions on your hormones. You’d just have to suck it up and be grumpy.”

While I don’t think women should blame everything on their periods, the truth of the matter is they do factor in on how we feel. Mess with our hormones, making us feel drained, and force us to push through when all we want to do is curl up in a ball and disappear. It’s our super power, and I plan on helping this kid learn that even if her dad and I aren’t together.

She leaves my home with a full supply of what she needs. I told her to let me or her aunt know when she needs more. Going to her dad isn’t what she’s ready for yet, but I’m sure he’ll figure it out soon. Nolan is a smart man. He pays attention, and while he missed her cue today, once he figures it out, he won’t let it happen again.

Back on the couch, I try to relax but then my phone buzzes, and I discreetly look and try to stay calm.

NOLAN:

Thank you.

ME:

No problem.

NOLAN:

…

I fall asleep watching those three dots bounce around and wake up an hour later with them gone and no new message from him.

I’m not sure why it hurts. Okay, I know, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to admit why. Call me stubborn.

Chapter 33

Bethany

MARCH

Three months go by in a blur.

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