Page 119 of Rival Hearts
“What?”
“I don’t know… I just think maybe it’s not that straightforward. I mean, sure, it’s about money. But he’s the CEO of a company, and he has a lot of people to look after. He’sresponsible for the income of a lot of different families and their livelihood, and if he lets them down, it’s not just about choosing money or leaving it.”
I considered it. She was right in a big way. If something went wrong in the company and Alex had to lay off all those people, that would be a lot worse than the environmental damage that was being done right now.
“I can’t tell him,” I said grimly.
“About the baby?”
I nodded. “He won’t want to be a father. He told me before he’s not ready to be a father.” I didn’t tell Maya about him being adopted. I felt like it was unfair to tell someone else that when he’d told me in confidence. I had the feeling that it was a big thing to him, and although I was furious with him, I didn’t want to betray his trust. “I just don’t want to be the one to do that to him, to put him in a situation he didn’t want in the first place.”
“It’s not like you planned this,” Maya said. “I mean, you’re going through it the same way he would be—it wasn’t what you wanted right now, it was unexpected, unplanned… but you’re stepping up to the plate and having this baby. Don’t you think he would do the same?”
“I don’t know.” But that wasn’t true. Ididknow. Alex would step up to the plate without an ounce of hesitation. He would do the right thing simply because it was the right thing, even if it wasn’t what he wanted at all.
And that was what I didn’t want to do to him. I didn’t want to force him into something I knew he didn’t want and wasn’t ready for.
No matter how angry I was with him, I still cared for him.
Alot.
I was in love with him, in fact.
Which was exactly why it was better for us if we didn’t do this together. We had to go our separate ways. He had a company totake care of, and he wasn’t ready to be a father. And I had the environment to fight for, which went directly against what he was doing.
It was just better this way.
“Look, I know it’s hard right now,” Maya said. “I know you’re going through a tough time, and I wish I could do something to make it better.”
“Just you being here for me is enough.”
“But think about it, okay? Think about talking to him. You deserve someone to stand by your side. You’ve always been there for everyone else, almost putting yourself last for the sake of a cause or for someone else, and it’s time you put yourself first and find someone who will do the same for you.”
“Thank you, Maya. But I think this time around, that won’t happen for me. I’m not going to try to fight that. I just need to get to a point where I’m okay with how things are.”
Maya nodded, and we sat in silence for a while. It meant a lot to me that I had someone in my corner, at least.
I wished Alex could be a part of this, too. But I would do this alone and let him live the life he wanted to live. He’d been through enough pain and destruction for one lifetime.
He deserved a bit of peace, and I wouldn’t be the one to take that away from him.
When I finally got home, it was getting dark, and I was painfully aware of how quiet and lonely my apartment was.
I flicked on all the lights until at least there wasn’t any darkness and opened the fridge to try to figure out what I could make for supper that wouldn’t upset my stomach too much.
Someone knocked on my door, and my stomach twisted.
I’d been determined to stay away from Alex, but I hadn’t considered what I would do if he came to me.
When my visitor knocked again, I couldn’t just pretend I wasn’t home. All my lights were on, after all.
“Coming,” I said, and I swallowed hard, my hand trembling when I reached for the door.
Gabe stood in front of me.
Equal measures of relief and disappointment washed through my body and I struggled to understand what exactly those emotions meant.
“Hey, Gabe,” I said, immediately emotional. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you.”
