Page 54 of Bull Riders Don't Swoon

I don’t want to say it out loud because then it feels like a betrayal of Jamie. That I don’t trust or believe him to be genuine about his promises to be there for me.

“A little. But mostly I’m embarrassed. His parents are successful professionals with a beautiful home, and my mom left us when I was a kid. My dad has been drinking himself to death ever since. I grew up in a trailer park and had clothes from Goodwill. We couldn’t be more different.”

My hand shakes as I sip the lemonade and will myself to not have an anxiety attack about possibly losing Jamie because I finally dared to show him where I come from.

Jackson moves and comes to sit next to me. He nudges my shoulder.

“Come here.” He doesn’t wait for me to turn to him. He just wraps his arms around me in a hug. “I know for a fact he won’t think anything less of you. We can’t change how we grew up or who our parents are. It may have shaped your life in ways he can’t understand, but I promise you, he’d never judge you or turn you away.”

“You can’t know that, though.”

“Yes, I can, and I’ll tell you why. Because Jamieson may come across as oblivious to things, but he has a heart of gold, and he would never leave a friend over something so trivial. I know that, Griff. He’s a good guy, and sometimes it takes things like this forpeople to really learn about the human condition, you know? He’s led a sheltered life in some ways, but not on purpose.”

“Why do you always sound so worldly and have an answer to everything?”

Jackson releases the hug and returns to his spot while Tramp runs to the door when it opens.

“I wouldn’t say I have an answer to everything, but I know people well and Jamieson is good people.”

Keys jingle, and Riley’s voice drifts to us as he talks to the dogs. Jackson grins at me with the dopiest smile before he twists to watch Riley settle a grocery bag on the counter before bending over to pet the dogs.

He turns back to me. “It’s not always easy, Griff. I won’t lie. But it’s so fucking worth it. You okay with Riley here now?”

“Yeah. It’s okay.” Jackson stands, and I follow suit. “Jackson.” He turns back towards me. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Anytime, Griff. The door is always open.”

He greets Riley in the kitchen, and Riley shouts a hello that I return, but I hang behind, and let them have their moment. As I watch them interact, the ache to have a normal domestic life like theirs grows. A shared kitchen. The touches as you move around together, hell, even the arguments over changing the toilet paper and which way is correct. (It’s over the top, no debate.)

My phone vibrates in my pocket and it’s a text from Jamieson.

Jamie:I know you’re over at Jackson’s, but I was wondering if I could come over tonight? Totally cool if you’re not up for it.

Griff:Do you want to stay over?

Jamie:Yes!

He adds emojis with heart eyes and I can’t help the grin on my face.

“Texting someone special?” Riley appears with a tray of veggies and cheese and sets it on the coffee table with a stern finger point at Carrot, the beagle, to go lie down.

“Yeah. Um, thanks for giving me time with Jackson today. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“You didn’t. Did me a favour, really. He loves nothing more than to make his friends happy. He’s a helper, and I love that about him.” Riley snatches a carrot from the tray. “Did you know my parents basically gave me up to my aunt because I was a burden to them? They didn’t want a gay son…or any child, for that matter.”

“Shit. I didn’t know that. I’m so sorry.”

He waves his hand and keeps munching his carrot. “Don’t be. My aunt is way more fun and why should I long for something like two parents and all that crap when my aunt loves me like her own and gave me more than they ever did?” Riley huffs a little and shakes his head. “I’m not saying this well. What I’m trying to say is, you’re a worthy human, no matter who raised you or how you grew up. Jackson just mentioned you’re worried about Jamieson meeting your dad, and if he’s worth his salt, he won’t care.”

Riley offers a carrot to…Carrot and raises a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell Jackson. I give him far too much shit for spoiling these two. He’d never let me live it down.”

Riley and I chat while Jackson cooks something that makes my mouth water. I feel a little guilty for not joining Jamieson at his parents’ for dinner, but I needed to talk to someone first aboutJamie meeting my dad. I already agreed he could come with me tomorrow, but of course, I had to worry about whether it was the right thing.

I’m a creature of habit in all things. Even my tendency to worry.

Plus, I hadn’t seen Jackson for a while, and I’ve missed him on the tour with us. Riley is a good guy, too, and it’s just nice to catch up with them. They’re part of a family I made myself, and holding onto that thought will serve me well.

When dinner is over, I offer to help clean up, but they both shush me away. Jackson walks me to the door and hugs me again before I go.

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