Page 41 of Bull Riders Don't Swoon

“Is that what you think you’re missing with the cast? You wanted me to drown you in the lake for fun?”

His voice is low as his hand slides across the small of my back, and I shiver.

“Sort of. It’s an experience, isn’t it? To play around in the water with someone you’re with? Then you dry off in the sun after and feed each other grapes.”

Jamieson kisses my cheek with a small laugh. “What TV shows are you watching, Griff? And who brings grapes to the beach?”

“Who doesn’t? They’re healthy and portable. Sweet. They’re good snacks.”

“Griff…talk to me. Not about grapes. Tell me what’s been going on.” His hand lightly squeezes the back of my neck. “Please?”

Nodding, I take his hand. Once our towels are down, we settle in our little spot of shade, and I close my eyes.

“I don’t know where to start.”

Jamieson’s hand finds mine, and he laces our fingers together. “Tell me about not going back to school. Why did you turn it down? If you applied, you were serious about it.”

“I still am serious about it, but I applied because…it was my ticket away from you. My excuse to put distance between us. If I could go to school, then I wouldn’t have to pine for you, and it wouldn’t hurt anymore. Maybe I could find someone to have a healthy relationship with.”

Fuck, each word felt like a knife slicing my throat to say out loud, and Jamieson probably felt each cut as the words hit him.

Jamie remains silent, so I open my eyes and turn to look at him.

“You were going to run away from me and not say anything?”

“No. Yes.” Frustrated, I bring his knuckles to my lips and dust a kiss to draw his gaze to me. “I was going to tell you. Every time I wanted to, I couldn’t because I was afraid of us drifting apart if I left rodeo. I was afraid you’d forget me, and in the end, I just couldn’t do it.”

“I’d never forget my best friend, Griff. I’d have been sad you were no longer with me, but I would’ve understood. You have to live your life and not mine.”

“There’s more, though.” Swallowing hard, I look back out over the water. “I didn’t want to spend the money on school because I think my dad will need care soon.”

“What kind of care? Is he sick?”

God, I have fucked upsobadly with Jamieson. First, assuming if I left he’d forget me and now not telling him the truth about my dad.

“I think he’s close to liver failure. Maybe a heart attack. Honestly, every time I visit, I’m surprised he’s still alive.”

Jamieson puffs a humourless laugh. “You keptthisfrom me? What the fuck, Griff? What’s going on? You should know me better than to think I’d judge you or not support you with any of this.”

The hurt in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed and I’m grateful he hasn’t told me to fuck off yet.

“Remember when we graduated, and I told you my dad couldn’t make it because he was sick and didn’t feel up to travelling, so I told him to stay home?”

Jamieson nods.

“Well, he definitely didn’t feel up to travelling because he’s an alcoholic. Not just a guy who drinks a lot, but an alcoholic, and he’s slowly killing himself. He didn’t come to graduation because that weekend was the first time he ended up in the hospital over it.”

Tears I’d hoped I could contain flow freely as I finally share with Jamieson how bad my dad’s condition really is.

“He’s what you call a high-functioning alcoholic. He does his job and stays just sober enough to keep it. The minute he’s home, he’s drinking until he passes out. He doesn’t eat properly, and last year he took early retirement, so now he doesn’t even have a reason to get up in the morning.” My vision blurs, but calloused thumbs wipe at my wet cheeks, and I continue. “The last time I saw him before the season started, he’d already taken on a yellow tint, but he won’t go to the doctor. He’s all I have, Jamie and I can’t just…leave, or not try, you know?”

“Griff…hey, come here.”

Jamieson pulls me into him and tucks me underneath his chin and lets me sob, which is embarrassing, but his arms around me are a comfort I desperately need. He kisses the top of my head and murmurs that he’s got me and to just let it all out.

When I’m finally done having my mini breakdown, Jamieson lets me pull away.

“I wish you hadn’t kept all that from me. I understand the part about not wanting to upset me, but fuck Griff, I’ve never not beenhere for you. You should have told me about your dad. You’re killing yourself by not talking about it.”

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