Page 35 of Bull Riders Don't Swoon

“I’m sorry, but I’m starving. I’m not making light of anything, Griff. But I brought you a muffin and flavoured water. That watermelon stuff you like.”

Turning my head on the couch to look at Jamie, he already has crumbs stuck to his lips, as he’s likely on his second muffin. Reaching out, I take the glass of water he mixed for me and swallow it all down before picking at the muffin.

“You don’t have to eat it,” he says as his hands reach for my plate, and I shove it closer to him.

“Go on. I bought them for you, anyway.”

Jamieson loves blueberries in anything. I knew he’d love these muffins, and it’s why I bought so many.

“You do that a lot. I never paid much attention until recently.”

“Do what?”

Jamieson finishes his muffin and takes a drink from his glass. “Put everyone else ahead of yourself.”

He chews at his lips, both the top and bottom, and I brace myself for what’s about to come. A long overdue conversation that I both dread and need.

“Griff…” He scrubs a hand down his face and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “How come you never said anything before? That kiss was…it meant something. This wasn’t you kissing me because of some trend on social media.”

His voice is hoarse, almost pained, and I’m not sure what to do with that.

“It’s not exactly something that’s easy to talk about, Jamie.”

He turns his head towards me, and there’s a flash of hurt in his gaze that I feel to my soul.

“I’m your best friend. You can come to me with anything.”

I laugh a dry laugh and stare up at the ceiling beams.

“And say what? I’ve been in love with you practically since we met. For ten fucking years I’ve pined over you and hoped that maybe one day you’d just look at me and see me as more.” Jamieson sucks in a sharp breath.

“It’s true, Jamie. Do you know how much it hurt me to see you leave with a different man or woman every time we went out?” I don’t let him answer, because he can’t possibly know. “I’ve been dying a little inside with every day that passes without you looking at me like that.”

It feels good to get that off my chest, even if it is to Jamieson. The one person in this world I can’t stand to lose.

“I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Remorse in his words sets a spark of hope in my chest, even when I feel a little like an asshole for just dumping it out like that.

“I still do. I’m sorry if kissing you made things awkward, but it was the moment and—”

“I kissed you back, Griff.” Jamie’s voice is thick, and his swallow is audible in the small room. “I kissed you back because I wanted to.” He turns his head towards me, eyes always soft for me. “I don’t regret it.”

Puffing out a shaky sigh, I look away. “Where do we go from here? I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.”

“No, me neither.” Jamie hangs his head again and bites his lips. Funny how the urge for me to pull the flesh away from his teeth is now ten times stronger than before. “I…I need to know something.”

“Okay. What?”

“The guy you were dating earlier this year, the one who hit you, why? Why did you give yourself to someone like that when you could have been with me? I’d never, ever do that to you. Or anyone, really.”

I allow my lips to curl into a small smile and make a joke. “Are you saying I have a shot?”

Jamieson doesn’t laugh. Instead, he sits back and turns to face me. “Maybe.”

Jamie usually has a very expressive face. I can read him well, but not right now. “Don’t joke about this, Jamie.”

“I’m not. Tell me why he hit you. Tell me why the only men you’ve dated have treated you like shit and not once have you let me meet them. Why, Griff?” Jamieson pushes off the couch and paces the small area.

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