Page 70 of A Deception of Courts

I swallowed the dangerous thoughts that mingled in my head. “And I should thank you for saving Duncan.”

“You do not need to do anything you do not want,” Erix added. “Not to me.”

A lump filled my throat so suddenly that I almost gagged on it. Although my mind knew that Duncan was alive, it still took time for my heart to heal from the trauma that had taken tenancy within its remaining pieces. The physical grief that had attached itself to me was not so easily relieved. Even knowing that Duncan waited beyond this place for when I was done here, the feeling ebbed away from me slowly.

“After everything I have done to you, taken from you. This was the least I could do.”

“How does your conscience feel now?” Tears stung the back of my eyes, but I refused to let them go. “Are you satisfied that debts are paid, perhaps relieved that your sins have been cleansed?”

I hated how I sounded, but more so how Erix flinched at the heat in my words.

“You are angry, understandably.”

Angry, maybe before. The emotion that stormed inside of me was one I couldn’t place with a name. “I saw you, before the Draeic attacked, didn’t I? Back in Imeria. You were watching me. Stalking me. How long have you been lurking in the shadows, Erix?”

He rocked back, mouth parted, all without a sound coming out.

“You’re right.”

I blinked and caught a vision of Gabrial’s body ripped to shreds and bloodied ribbons by claws. My eyes fell to Erix’s hands, which he held confidently clasped before him. Had he been following me from Lockinge? Had he… killed her?

“The first time I saw you was in Imeria and Imeria alone,” Erix said, as though reading the accusation in my gaze. “I suppose it is best I start at the beginning. It will help you make sense of how we got here.”

Erix took a step toward me, his body language suggesting that he was going to sit beside me.

“Don’t come any closer to me,” I sneered, pointing a finger at the floor on the other side of the room. “You can talk fine from there.”

Hurt speared across his face. Erix stopped and dropped his chin to his bare chest. Muscles rippled like water disturbed by stone. “I do not wish to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“It’s a bit too late for wishing such things.”

I could’ve sworn I heard him swallow during the reverberating silence that strung out between us in these moments of tension. Having learned that Erix had stalked me, I was finding it hard not to convince myself that he was anything but Gabrial’s killer. It made sense. Erix had killed before – what was stopping him from doing so again? How much was the Erix that stood before me in control of himself against the gryvern that stalked his own mind?

“I remembered little at first,” Erix began, wringing hands before him. “But I am aware that my freedom, if that is what I can call this, started with pain. There was a time that I floated within the current of what I can only explain as darkness, pulled along by someone else’s will and guidance. Then suddenly, that was gone. Severed. I remember my mind becoming mine again, and it was terrible. Memories and thoughts, they all came back without reprieve. I could not explain it then, and I still do not think I can, but it was like that presence just left in a single moment. I no longer sensedhiminside my head.” Erix knocked his fist into his skull as though his head were a door. “Doran was just gone. There was a period of time when I ambled through Durmain, unsure where to go, or what to do. Then I found Berrow. Berrow was like a beacon of light. I followed it. I came here without truly understanding why. Now I remember.”

I pushed myself to stand, unable to touch the bed a moment longer. Wrapping my arms around myself gave me no comfort. I wanted to demand that he stop speaking, that listening to Erix speak was like torture. Because it was his voice. This was the man I’d last spoken with before he left me to go to Doran – before all the hell followed that decision. His voice buried claws into memories and dragged them to the surface.

If I closed my eyes, I could’ve conjured an image of me with my head resting upon his chest. I remembered the vibrations of his deep voice echoing across my skin.

“Do you want me to continue?” he asked, softly.

“Yes,” I exhaled. “I do.”

From the parting of his mouth, I could see that Erix didn’t expect that answer.

“Berrow was so quiet. Peaceful, after a long time of my head being loud with commands. And then that all changed yesterday. Suddenly, the streets were filled with people. I saw Althea and Gyah and countless fey I did not recognise. I will not lie and say I did not look for you, because I did. Although I could not find you, your presence… it was strong among them all. I heard your name, clear as a bell, even as some whispered it. They spoke of what you did for them – freeing them from imprisonment, just like you did for me, although a different kind of prison. Those fey who spoke about you could have been miles away, and I would still have made it out among the rest of what was said. I knew it was not right for me to stay here, not with the reality of them finding me. I am sure Althea would have enjoyed the chance to take my head and give it to you as a gift. So, I left. I should have flown west in search of somewhere else to dwell, but there was a part of my curiosity that drew me to Imeria. Perhaps I did not recognise it at the time, but I knew deep down that you would be there.”

“And I was.”

“Yes, you were,” Erix said. “Over and over, I told myself to leave. I saw you with the winged woman and him. The Hunter. I saw you smile. It does not fill me with pride to admit that I stuck around longer than I should have. There were things I should not have seen…” Erix didn’t need to finish his sentence for me to know he had seen me with Duncan in bed. “You were happy, but still there was something lost about you. I recognised it in your expression. But I also knew that was not my issue to concern myself with. So, just as I was about to leave you, I watched as you got out of bed and left the room. Just as I did to you, Robin, the greatest mistake of my life. One that will haunt me for the rest of my days.”

I raised a hand sharply, cutting him off. “I’ve… heard enough.”

What I really meant was I didn’t have the strength to listen to the raw truth a moment longer.

“Please.” He reached out to the air as if grasping the opportunity to speak before it slipped away. “I know you owe me nothing but let me finish. That is all I ask of you.”

I gave myself a moment, trying to control my inner thoughts. Finally, beneath it all, I recognised the emotion inside of me. It was relief – relief that Duncan was alive but also that Erix had found his freedom.

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