Page 69 of A Deception of Courts

“We all made mistakes, but at least we can attest to them being our own fault. You know Erix was not in control – you’ve said as much yourself. Come on, Robin. Be rational. Look at me.” Duncan pulled back, gripped my face in his grit-covered hands and held me so I couldn’t do anything but see his desperation glowing within his eyes. “I owe him my life. And because of that, I cannot let you harm him. Not until you listen to what he has to say.”

Duncan was alive because Erix had saved him – that was a fact. Althea had told me as much. I replayed the sickening feeling that coiled within me when she told me. Of course I hadn’t believed her. Even with both of them before me now, the concept was impossible to grasp.

I wrapped my arms around him, wishing to melt into his body and never come out again. “I don’t think I can do this, Duncan.”

“This is going to be hard,” Duncan began, pulling away from me but keeping a firm hold on my upper arms. “But Robin, you’ve faced worse. Think over everything you’ve achieved and tell me you are not strong enough to get through one conversation?”

The gryvern lingered in the corner of my eyesight, not once retracting his silver eyes from us for a second. I wondered how he felt as he watched me in the arms of another man. Just the concept made me want to push free of Duncan immediately.

“I’m in control, little bird,” Erix said, averting his gaze from the two of us.

Erix’s voice was the same as before. The confident, clear drawl as he called me by the nickname I had grown not to despise as I first had.

“Don’t call me that,” I hissed, unable to hide the shaking that exposed just how weak I was at the moment.

Erix’s breathing hitched as though a knife struck him dead in the chest. “I’m sorry.”

Duncan took my face in his hands, making it so I could only look at him. “Remember, Robin. The dead are told to blame the hand which holds the sword, and not the sword itself. Yes, Erix has done something terrible. He took something from you and doesn’t have the power to give it back. But that’s not a feeling I’m familiar with. And you. Erix was the sword, and the hand that controlled him has since been dealt with. Before you decide how you wish to serve him his justice, give him a chance to speak to you. His mindishis own.”

“I… I thought you’d died,” I muttered, picturing the destruction of Imeria Castle. “I really thought I’d lost you, Duncan.”

“If Erix had not acted, you might just have. For that alone, give him a chance.” Duncan took a deep inhale. “Please.”

Swallowing down my anxiety, I managed a slight nod. Duncan exhaled through a smile, bringing his mouth down to mine. But before his lips could touch, I turned away, offering him my cheek instead.

“I understand,” Duncan whispered into my ear, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. Then he pressed a fleeting kiss to my cheek and drew back.

I looked to Erix, who never stopped staring at Duncan and me. Regardless of my feelings toward him, there was no reason I had to make him watch Duncan be intimate with me. Causing him pain wouldn’t make any of this better. For from the grimace set into Erix’s face, I could tell he’d expected such a show of affection.

Taking a deep breath in, I levelled my eyes, fixing them on Erix. “You can have an audience with me. Alone.”

Erix’s response surprised me. With a slight bow, he replied. “Thank you, Robin.”

Satisfised, Duncan released my hand and made to move to the door. My entire body trembled at the sudden loss of Duncan’s touch. He stopped at the door, offering me a final look. “I love you.”

I opened my mouth to reply with the words Duncan deserved to hear, but they clogged in my throat. I couldn’t reply, not here, not with Erix watching. He had hurt me, but he had also just saved the most important person in my life. There was a time for being a monster, and now was not it.

CHAPTER 20

I sat upon the far edge of the bed, discouraged by its presence but needing a place to settle myself as I allowed Erix to speak. Considering how the firm mattress beneath me made my skin itch with discomfort, I hadn’t realised I fisted the sheets until my knuckles drained of colour. The last time I’d been here, on this bed, it was for different reasons. It took great effort to keep at bay the urge to slip into the warm memory. It called me in with its siren song, promising peace and comfort.

Erix hovered by the door. He paced, moving awkwardly with a body he was not yet used to. Longer limbs and the added weight of his leather appendages which hung from mounds protruding from each shoulder blade. It dragged him down, as though he carried the weight of all his guilt on his back instead.

The last I had seen Erix, he’d pleaded with me to kill him. He was frantic, and his behaviour erratic. Whatever had happened between then and now had smoothed out his cracks of sanity and given him, somewhat, a sense of humanity that he had barely clung to before. There was no denying he was different – more of his old self, and yet I still would be cautious.

Erix or not, he was a gryvern now – a new, mutated version of one.

“Say what it is you need to,” I said, staring daggers at him, mapping out every move. “I haven’t got time to waste on silence, Erix. And you can imagine, I have reasonability now, more so than you last saw me with.”

Erix came to a stop, lifting his steel gaze to me. All my confidence melted away as he regarded me. The way his strong face softened spread warmth across my chest, how his fingers flexed at his sides as if wishing for something to do – to hold.

“This was not how I wished for us to see one another again,” Erix admitted. “Truthfully, I’d come to terms with never seeing you again. Not that I haven’t wanted to, but because that was what you asked of me and I was ready to respect that.”

“What changed?” I asked.

Erix frowned, but only slightly. He fought to keep control of his expression. His face was almost untouched by his curse. Besides his ears, that were longer, and the grey sheen of his skin, it was mostly him. Erix. I focused on his wings to the drawn-out claws that protruded uncomfortably from his fingers just to remind myself of the monster he was.

“I recognised you were in danger, except I also knew you could handle it.” Erix lifted his chin, steeling his expression. “I took something important away from you, I couldn’t allow for that to happen again.”

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