Page 86 of Justice for Radar

“Like where are we even supposed to do this?” I demanded.

“Back yard, duh,” Serenity said. “You got a barbecue or a fire pit or something?”

“I mean, a barbecue, but it’s gas. The HOA doesn’t allow charcoal grills in the neighborhood, the grass always has to be kept cut. A fire hazard they say.”

Hope snorted.

“Fuck, he even had the HOA around to control you when he wasn’t around, fuckin’ loser.”

“Well, I mean, I understand about the fire hazard…” I trailed off.

“Come on.” Serenity wrapped her arms around my one and towed me in a general direction of where some of Rodney’s shit might be located.

“Well behaved women rarely make history,” Faith said, and that weirdly made some kind of sense to me.

We found my wedding pictures, which weren’t really anything to super write home about. I mean, we’d been married by a justice of the peace at the courthouse. Me in a white summer dress and him in his dress uniform.

We looked so young, and if I could have barged in and told my younger self anything it would have been to run. Run screaming as fast and as far as humanly possible to get away from him. I would have some choice words for the younger Rodney too…

I sighed.

“It might have made my life so very different, sure but what about the next girl?” I wondered aloud as we stood around my big soup pot on the cement pad of my back patio, illuminated by the flickering flames inside.

“Do what now?” Hope asked, swaying on her feet.

“Oh, I was just thinking if I could go back and tell my younger self anything it would have been to run,” I said.

“Ah, yeah, no… if I could go back and teach your younger self anything it would be how to kick his fucking ass and defend herself.”

Faith nodded. “How to shoot him in the face.”

“The bravery to cut off his penis as he slept,” Serenity supplied and we all looked at her. “What?” she demanded. “He deserved it!”

“Where’s the lie?” I asked with a sigh and dropped the photo in my hand into the pot.

“It’s never too late to learn, sister,” Hope said.

“True that,” Faith declared, nodding. “Doesn’t hurt that getting involved with the Kraken means never being hurt by anyone or anything again where there won’t inevitably be some real consequences for the assholes that did it.”

“Amen to that,” Serenity said with a bit of a wobbly nod.

“It’s easier to stand up for yourself when you know you got backup,” Hope said. “And you got backup now for sure.”

I watched the photo in the big metal pot be consumed by the flames and said, “You know. I still have that dress in the back of my closet.”

Serenity grinned. “We should dye it black.”

“Or let everyone throw paint on it,” Faith suggested.

“Or get really kinky with your man, have him cut it off your body and rail you the way your husband never fuckin’ could to your satisfaction.”

I looked up at her and said, “I think I like that last option best.”

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Yeah, is that weird and totally fucked up of me or what?” I asked.

“Hell no,” Faith said, shaking her head. “Take it from me. My therapist says some of the stranger sexual desires I’ve had when it comes to Marlin is parts of my primal brain realizing that Marlin issafeand things trying to rewrite or reprogram themselves internally to heal from past trauma.”

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