Page 101 of Tempt Me

My blood boiled. I clenched my fists. “I’d have thought you of all people, best friend to two queer people, would support me!”

“I support you. I’m worried about you, though. I wish you’d come to me for help with Mother. Maybe with Jamila too.”

“I don’t need your help.”

He held out his hands. “I know. You’re not a little girl with pigtails anymore. You’ve got a grown-up job. But as your big brother and as her friend, I’d’ve felt better if I’d helped.”

“Sometimes people don’t want help, Jackson.” The back of my neck prickled. I’d forced my help on Jamila. Maybe if I’d asked first, I wouldn’t have ruined the friendship I cherished.

“I’m sorry. Forgive me?” He gave me the saddest puppy-dog eyes ever.

I rolled my eyes. “I guess.”

“Really, you’re okay? Especially with Mother?”

“We’re fine. I think she’d be happier if I’d meet some rich guy, fall madly in love, and pop out half a dozen grandchildren, but she also wouldn’t mind if I met a rich woman. Even though I’m working for Della now, she worries about my future.”

Despite how busy she was on her product launch, Jamila had shocked me when she’d called Della Lippman to tell her she should hire me. I hadn’t had a chance to leverage Hannah’s connection before Della offered me a position. And then Jamila had sent me the most adorable flowering cactus. The note had simply said,Good luck on your first day. I know you’ll bloom in your new job.

It had said nothing about love, as much as my squishy heart had wanted to interpret the gesture that way. The cactus wasn’t a joke about her prickly personality or a reminder of Quill.i.am, no matter that the tag identified it as a hedgehog cactus,Echinocereus fendleri. She was so busy retooling her product that she’d probably gotten Felicia to do it, and it was purely coincidental. The job referral? Just another way to ensure I’d keep my distance.

He squinted. “So you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I think I’ve finally figured out my life. I’m happy at work, and maybe someday, I can find love again.”

“You loved her?”

“Yeah.” I wouldn’t admit that I was such a sad sack that I still loved her, a month after she’d dumped me and fired me in one go. “You were nice to her, right? When she told you about us? She was afraid of what you might think.”

He straightened. “I hope you gave me more credit than that. You’ll always be the baby of the family. I might tease you a little—”

“Or a lot!” I punched his arm.

He caught my fist and held it. “But you and Jamila are grown women, capable of making your own decisions. If two of my favorite people in the world end up together?” He shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the worst thing.”

I wished Jamila could’ve understood that. Maybe if she hadn’t been looking for an excuse to end things, I wouldn’t have lost her trust.

I hugged my brother tight. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For believing in me. For thinking I’m, y’know, worth something.”

“Nutter Butter.”

And there it was, the noogie I’d been dreading. He’d probably still noogie me when I was sixty. Or eighty. But it didn’t feel terrible. It felt like love.

“You are worth something,” he said. “You’re worth a lot. So what if it took you a minute to figure your shit out? I’m still figuring my shit out. We all are—even Jamila.”

He released me, and I stepped back, finger-combing the tangled mess he’d made of my hair.

“Why don’t you spend the night here and hang out with us tomorrow? We’re going to a barbecue.”

I blew out a breath. “Sure. Why not?” It’d be better than sitting in my room, staring at Jamila’s nonexistent personal social media and regretting what I’d lost.

30

The next day,as we drove south down 101 in Alicia’s SUV, the pit in my stomach deepened. I hadn’t been this close to Silicon Valley in two months, and I wished I could distract myself from the too-familiar landmarks by putting on some headphones and playing a game on my phone like Noah was doing. Valentine was strapped into her car seat in the middle of the backseat and had worked off one of her tiny Nikes. I fished for it on the floor, then snugged it back on her foot.

---