Page 68 of Prey for You

I sneered. “I don’t think that.”

“Maybe not consciously, but every step you’ve taken since we first met says your unconscious is convinced that your father is one step down from God.”

“Ihatemy father. How the hell do you see that?”

Gerald leaned forward, elbows on his knees, the notebook and folders in his hands like he might bring them up as a shield, but his gaze on mine was intense.

“Bridget, where do you think your recklessness stems from?”

“From not giving a shit if I die.”

Gerald shook his head. “You grew up in chaos. You grew up in violence. And in fear. Youconstantlytest boundaries, because there’s a deep part of you that is aware that things couldgo wrong atanymoment. Attempting to trigger whatever danger might be lurking is a way of asserting control. Because if you poke the monster and he bites, that’s on you. But if you were minding your own business, beinghappy,and he pounced on you…”

I glared.

But Gerald wasn’t done. “There’s nothing worse than a bad surprise. And you got a very, very bad surprise when you were a little girl. The worst kind. And threats of more from a source who had proven that he had both the means, and the balls to follow through. Ofcoursehe’s mythical in your mind. Your psyche was legitimately wounded, Bridget. But here’s the thing: Youcanheal.You have so much more in your arsenal now—forgive the analogy, but it’s fitting.”

“I amnevergoing to play happy families with that bastard!”

Gerald frowned. “Is that what you think I’m asking? No, Bridget… If you visit him our goal isn’t his redemption. It’s yourfreedom.I don’t push you to see your Dad so you’ll think he’s a good guy. I push you to see your dad so youknowthat you’re strong enough to do it. Because you’re convinced that you’re not. And as long as this conviction that there’s a monster out there you can’t handle remains your primary driver, you never get out ofsurvivaland intothriving.”

“No. No, G. I’mnotgiving him any more power over me—”

“You think facing him down gives power tohim?No! Bridget, if you stand in front of the monster and see that you can, it doesn’t matterwhatkind of asshole he is, you’ve won. He doesn’t get what he wanted, and youdo.But even if you never did that… sitting here in the dark, unwilling to see him in case he tries to manipulate you isn’t defeating the power he’s had over you. It’s giving in to it. Whether he knows it or not, you’restill living in his shadow. And in fear of him.”

“This is bullshit.”

Gerald sighed. “This is the very best advice I am capable of giving. But… it’s also not why I came here today. I came here today to make sure you were okay. To make sure thisnewviolent man wasn’t re-traumatizing you. And instead I find out that you opened the door and invited him in? Not just into your body… but your life?!”

“Don’t you fucking judge me—”

“I’m not! Bridget, I’m frightened for you!”

I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to rant and rave and pace and do all the things that made my body stopitching.But Gerald had fuckingtears in his eyes.The urge was in me tocomforthim.

What the fuck?

“This is so fucking unfair.”

“Bridget, I am pleading with you—”

“No.No!You don’t get to put the guilt trip on me!”

“I’m not!”

“You are—and once again, you’re not listening. You want to know why I married him?”

“I want to know ifyouknow why you married him.”

“Yes, I fucking know! Sam is incredible!”

“Sam is a liar, a felon, and—”

“Heusedto be a liar! He used to be a felon—assholes like you can’t figure out that people can change!”

“Is he still hunting you?” Gerald asked quietly.

I froze, then cursed myself for it when his lips tightened. He didn’t look smug, though. He lookedsad.

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