Page 107 of Prey for You

The v between her brows popped up and she looked down.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to,” she whispered, then her eyes returned to mine. “It didn’t work this time, Sam. I couldn’t stay away. I…”

I sucked in. “Tell me.”

Her throat bobbed and her eyes shone. “Ineedyou, Sam. I can’t feel safe without you.”

“Well, thank God, because I feel the same way,” I said honestly, relief washing through me that she was willing to say it.

But she shook her head. “Doesn’t that scare you? It scares the shit out of me.”

“Of course it scares me—especially when you’re out there doing God knows what and you haven’t told me, and I can’t justgo after you… itterrifiesme. Bridget, I was in pieces not knowing where you were.”

“I’m sorry.” She rested her head against my shoulder again and her hand slid down to flatten on my chest, right over my heartbeat. “Forgive me?” she whispered.

“Always.”

I felt her go still. “Really?”

“Really,” I said, my voice rough because this was real to me. “Look, I’m not saying I’ll never get mad. And if something goes wrong, it might take me some time to give it up. But I’ll always forgive you, Bridget. You have my word.”

She swallowed audibly. “Why?”

“Because Godalwaysforgives me. So I know what a relief it is. He forgives anyone who asks. He saysthat’slove. I love you. I’ll always give you that. Just… be patient with me if I need to work through it.”

She tensed. “I still can’t believe God forgives my father.”

Oh boy. Here we go.I cleared my throat. “He made a way. Hewould,if your dad recognized that he needed it. Does he?”

She gave a derisive snort. “No. Impossible. He’s stubborn as hell and alwayshasto be in control. It would never happen.”

I shrugged. “I know some men who are awful—or used to be.Iused to be.” I looked down at her. I didn’t think this was the time to tell her that I’d spoken to him. But I also knew I couldn’t hold it back. She needed to know.God, give me wisdom to know when to tell her.“If you’d met me a decade ago, you might have wanted to fuck me, but you wouldn’t have wanted to stay close. You would have recognized in me the kind of man that used to be around your dad and you wouldn’t have wanted to be close, I think.”

She nodded slowly. “But you’re not like that now.”

“Exactly,” I said. “Peoplecanchange.”

She frowned again. “But how do you know it’s real? How do you tell between the guy who’s manipulating, and the one who’s changing?”

“You can see it in me.”

“But that’s a feeling. Iknew.”

I nodded. “I think… my experience with guys in the prison is that a lot know how to say the right thing, use the right words, to get people on their side. But words are pretty easy.Realchange you can only see with time. It’s just not possible otherwise. You have to be around them and see what theydo—see if their reactions are changing. It has to be more than words.”

“People can fake that though, too.”

“Yeah, but not for a long time,” I conceded. “When I started wanting to change, it wasimportantto me tobedifferent. To be a man of my word instead of lying. To catch myself if I was manipulating someone and stop. To just behonest.But I found out there’s freedom in that. Other people are always going to let us down. And we’re always going to let each other down. Someone who’s changing still does things wrong, but they make an effort to fix it afterwards—and to avoid the problem later. None of us will be right all the time, Bridget. We’re all too fucked up. For me, real change came in the thoughts between me and God first. Then I started acting different. No one else can see that in the short term. It has to be observed over time.”

She squirmed on my lap, which sent a jolt through me, but I tried to ignore it. This wasimportant.

“But even if they changed, how do you forgive theawfulstuff? I mean…” she sat up again and looked me right in the eye. “Sam, how the hell have you forgiven me for getting us into this mess?”

I had a simultaneous rush of love for her, and the flare of anger right alongside it, because shewasthe reason we were sneaking to be together right now, and I hated that. “I still struggle sometimes,” I said honestly.

She tensed, but I held her hips tightly, keeping her there with me. “Not struggling with wanting to be with you, babe, but with… anger. Fear. I wish it wasn’t happening this way.”

“But you said you forgive me—”

---