Page 54 of Snowbound

“I was not looking at her,” I say, sharper than I intended. “She was just there.”

“Sure, sure,” says Ruth. “Tell you what, I’ll break out the cheese.”

She steps away into the kitchen, and I feel like I’m being drawn into a trap, like I might be more likely to talk to John than to her. It’s not true. I don’t know why either of them want me here when I’m clearly the worst person to socialize with ever, but they haven’t kicked me out yet.

“You don’t have to tell me,” John says, taking a sip of his own coffee and recoiling as it burns his tongue. “It was obvious to us you liked her. It’s okay. You should call her sometime.”

“I’m not going to,” I say through gritted teeth.

It’s like they’re sticking their fingers into an open wound and pulling. Just as I thought I’d started to get over her, John and Ruth are interfering, making it feel worse all over again.

“Let’s just move on, okay?” I say. “She’s not coming back. I don’t miss her, and even if I did, it wouldn’t matter because she’s gone. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, okay,” says John, sitting back, and when Ruth returns with the cheese, he gives her another look. This time she listens.

“Italy was fabulous,” she says with a grin. “You should go to Europe sometime, Gabe. It would do you good to get out of the country.”

I grunt, and she sits down beside me, pulling out her phone. The lock screen is a sickeningly sweet picture of her and John locking lips on what looks like some Italian terrace.

“Let me show you some photos.”

She spends what feels like an age flicking through pictures, showing me the ocean, the buildings, the people, the pizza. It does look great. And if I was in ever so slightly a better mood, I might even say so.

But I’m not in a good mood, so I don’t say anything.

It’s enough that I’m here looking, isn’t it?

In every photo they’re in together, they look so happy. It makes my breath catch like there’s a hand in my chest squeezing my heart. These are my best friends, and it hurts to see them together because it reminds me of everything I’ve lost.

Why did I have to get attached to her? Why couldn’t it have been fun and nothing more?

That’s all it was meant to be.

After an eternity, Ruth puts her phone away and moves on from the honeymoon subject. “What are your plans for the week?” she asks. “Doing anything good?”

“Just work,” I say simply.

“Why don’t we go out together?” she says. “We could go bowling.”

I try not to react positively to that. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction. But the three of us used to be a formidable bowling team.

“We could take a picture for Carly,” she says.

“No,” I snap. “I don’t want to go bowling. I don’t want to talk to Carly.”

Ruth’s eyes soften, but she’s barely even recoiling, like she was expecting that reaction from me. “Let’s still go out,” she says. “It’s not good for you to be at home dwelling all the time. About anything, not just her.”

I frown and clench my fists, trying desperately not to agree. “Fine,” I say. “Let’s go bowling.”

“Good,” she says. “You’re a grump, Gabe, but you’re our grump.”

“You can’t push us away this time. We won’t let you,” John adds.

All I can do is sigh. “Thanks,” I grumble, but I mean it genuinely, and from the shining looks in their eyes, I know they know it.

Because I do. They helped me cope with loss last time. This is just another loss, just another thing to let them help me with. Even if I don’t want to, they’re going to make me feel better.

CHAPTER30

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