Page 53 of Snowbound

Well, it did before. I’m feeling pretty complicated myself right now.

After Carly left, my life went back to normal.

Jensen called and tried to get me to hang out again, but I said no. His isn’t the kind of friendship I’ve been missing.

Now, I go to the shop. I work on cars. I go home.

I wake up with my arms curled tight around myself and try not to remember the way Carly felt nestled between them, the comfort of listening to her breathe deeply as I fell asleep, that dazzling smile.

A few times I consider calling her, but I know she doesn’t want to hear from me. She didn’t call me when she got to New York. She didn’t even text.

For a short time, I thought I was about to start a new life, one where I didn’t reject other people or scare them off. One where I had friends who wanted me, who asked me to do things with them. With Carly, all of that felt possible.

Now I’m back on my own.

It feels safer to mind my own business, not to get involved.

Phoebe keeps trying to probe, but I resist. Admitting to her that I liked Carly was bad enough. I let her tell me stories of her bad breakups, and it doesn’t do anything to make me feel better.

And like the cherry on top of the cake, the two people in the world who I actually would call friends have been in sunny Italy, exploring ancient temples and sending photos. I guess it’s nice of them to think of me.

Some days, that’s the only tether I have to the outside world.

Some days, seeing them smiling together makes me feel sick.

Before Carly, I had accepted that romance wasn’t in the cards for me, that I wasn’t destined for a relationship, and I had about persuaded myself that I didn’t care. Now I’m going to have to do all that work all over again. And worse, everyone’s going to keep reminding me of what I’ve lost the whole time, on purpose or not.

The day after Ruth and John get back from Italy, she calls me, demanding that I come over for lunch.

I try to say no, but she pushes, and even when I’m actively unpleasant, she still tells me that my choices are that I go over to their house or they’re coming over to mine.

One thing about Ruth is she’s persistent. I know she’s not going to give up until I agree.

That’s how I end up standing outside their house with a bottle of wine, ringing the doorbell. John opens the door, grins, and welcomes me inside.

If I were being polite, I’d say he was sun-kissed, but his ginger complexion and the Italian sun have not worked in his favor. His nose is red and peeling, and the closest thing you could call a tan is his red ears and flaky shoulders.

Ruth, meanwhile, is glowing. The sun makes her dark complexion shine, and yet again makes me chuckle to think about how many worlds apart they both are.

They sit me down and place a large mug of coffee in front of me.

“How are you doing?” Ruth asks.

I shrug. “The same. Aren’t you going to tell me all about your vacation?”

“Of course,” she says. “But first we want to know about you. You’re our friend, Gabe. And we’ve been letting you down the last few years. That’s going to change, though. We are going to see you more often, and you are going to like it.”

Despite myself, I smile at that. Anyone would count themselves lucky to have friends as good as these two. If they told me that they would always be there for me, that I could count on them in an emergency, I wouldn’t doubt it. They would be the first people I would turn to.

“You look gloomy,” says John.

“Tough week at work,” I lie. “The usual stuff.”

“I know what’s the matter,” says Ruth. John shoots her a warning look, his green eyes wide, but she plows right on anyway, actively ignoring his warning. “You miss Carly, don’t you?”

“No,” I say too quickly. It’s not going to persuade anyone, least of all them. I double down with my sour look to prove my point. “I’m fine without her. I don’t need her. I never did. She was in the way in my house, and that’s all.”

Ruth opens her mouth, presumably to make another witty comment. John cuts her off. “She was good for you, man. You don’t have to lie to us. We saw how you looked at her.”

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