Page 10 of Fake It 'Til You Sleigh It

“Oh, this is a juicy exclusive!” Madison says, looking stunned.

The audience jumps to their feet, whistling and hollering.

Chase beams, proudly taking in the immediate, ecstatic reaction.

“So, will you two be spending Christmas together?”

“Of course! We’re spending it with Ethan’s family,” Chase says. “I’m excited, Ethan’s excited. His whole family is excited!”

I’m a pretty good actor, but I can’t sell “excited” at the moment.

“Ethan’s family goes all out for Christmas. There are gingerbread house contests, and we’ll be decorating the tree together.” Chase starts to fake giggle.

I listen in shock as she repeats my words from earlier like they’re hers.

“And Ethan’s dad dresses up as a retired Santa in flip-flops and a red bathrobe. It’s so cute.”

“Sounds incredible. And where are they located?” Madison asks.

“Well, you know… they’re Ethan’s family. I don’t want to speak for him.”

Chase fixes her manic eyes on me.

“Florida,” I manage to croak out.

“Florida?” Chase echoes, her voice rising an octave. “Yup, that’s right. So many fun things planned for Christmas in… Florida.”

Chase wraps her arm around mine in a move that’s about as smooth as a middle schooler at their first dance. “You should follow Ethan on social media for special sneak peeks of the movie… and us, being in love… right, sweetie pie?”

I pat her hand awkwardly. “Soooooo much love.”

Note to self: Next time, do these interviews alone or hire a body double for Chase, or better yet, don’t let there be a next time.

“Well, you heard it here first! Holiday love is in the air. Don’t miss out on their new movie premiering in twelve days on Christmas Eve. Only on the Cherish Channel! And when we come back, we’ll show you how to wrap the perfect Christmas gift… with your feet!”

Chase, subtle as a sledgehammer, blurts out one more agenda item, “And buy your loved ones a subscription to the Cherish Channel for Christmas. First month’s free!”

What in the sweet mother of fuck just happened?

CHAPTER THREE

Chase

“Human! I want totalk to a freaking human!” I screech into my phone, teetering under a mountain of Ethan’s fan gifts. Plushies and glittery packages threaten to bury me alive. There’s a stuffed reindeer making out with my left ear, approximately 372 helium balloons plotting my airborne escape, and is… that gift box ticking?

A robotic voice chirps back, “You are number seven. Please stay on the line to talk with the next representative.”

Cue the hold music from hell. The first two lines of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” start playing. And then they repeat. And repeat.Great.Now I’m being aurally assaulted by the world’s laziest Christmas carol.

I groan, staggering toward my car. Not only was that interview a complete dumpster fire, but now I’m stuck playing Santa’s little helper to all things Ethan. Fan-fucking-tastic.

The music loops again, mocking me. “We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas—”

“I wish you’d answer my damn call!” I snarl at the phone.

“We are currently experiencing a high call volume for the holiday season,” the robotic voice informs me cheerfully, “but you are next in line.”

Yeah, next in line for a straitjacket, maybe.

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