Page 431 of The Sinner: James

I don’t know why.

She’s one of the most attractive women I’ve ever known. Educated. She has a well-paying job. And she is well-mannered.

I can’t believe she is the problem. It must be the men she’s running into.

But what is wrong with them?

Why can’t a woman like her find a man who cherishes and loves her for who she is?

She moves her eyes away from me, her grin gone, her lips trembling softly.

She must feel the same way.

Her frustration with the process must’ve reached alarming heights.

“I’m done looking for a man,” she says.

I sense the anger in her voice, and it’s hard to blame her.

I’d be mad as hell too.

“You can’t give up. You’re still young, and the world is full of possibilities.”

The sadness in her eyes makes me stop.

“Getting disappointed over and over again? I’m sorry. It’s just not worth it,” she says. “I don’t want to lose my sleep over it. Besides, I don’t get much out of it, anyway.”

“How can you tell if it’s never happened to you?”

“What I really wantedhasn’t happened to me. Everything else has. I’ve had all kinds of experiences, enough to tell you I don’t care either way. I don’t care if I find him. Or if he wants me or not.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

She shrugs.

“I’ll get myself a nice supply of... dildos? Too bad they can’t talk, right?”

She chuckles, amused.

“Or I can find myself a friend with benefits. Or both. The escort is still a possibility. Although it will take some time to find him. If I find him, I won’t be able to keep him on a retainer, so it will be a few times deal. Whenever I get a bonus at work, I splurge it on hot sex. That sort of thing.”

I look at her, not knowing what to say.

A long breath fills my lungs.

“Listen...”

“I’m not doing the dating apps thing again,” she says before I have the chance to speak. “I did it. And it was an absolute disaster. There was nothing wrong with the apps. Trust me. I’ve tried them all. But the men were not much different than what I met in real life. At the club. Or at the gym. It’s worse with the dating apps if you ask me.”

“Okay. All right. You do what you think is best for you, but there must be a lesson to learn from all these failed attempts.”

She flicks her hands up.

“I don’t want to deal with this anymore,” she says, frustration tinging her voice. “I don’t think there is wisdom in it. Besides, I don’t believe in fate or the idea that a particular man is supposed to be mine. I don’t believe in any of that.”

“And that’s probably part of the journey.”

She looks at me, intrigued.

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