Page 168 of The Sinner: James

She smiles bitterly.

“Yeah... Not only did he cheat on me, but he had used me until he knew for sure he wanted her. They’re engaged now.”

“Fuck...” I mutter.

“Yes.”

“Were you serious about him?”

“Yeah… Sort of. It crossed my mind at some point. I thought we were great together. Plus, his family liked me, and my parents were crazy about him.”

“He seemed like a nice guy.”

She looks at me, disheartened.

“He probably is a nice guy, just not to me. I don’t think he wanted to hurt me. Although he could’ve handled things differently and spared me the heartache and himself the guilt. It doesn’t matter…” She gestures, annoyed. “People act carelessly when they fall in love, and the outcome would’ve been the same. ”

“It all happened for a reason,” I say, trying to comfort her.

She shrugs and cuts her eyes at me.

“You think?”

“Yeah. There must be someone out there for you. Someone special, who is a better match for you.”

“Yeah... Maybe. I’m not so sure I want to go through all that crap again. Besides, all the good men are already taken,” she says.

“There isn’t such a thing. Good or bad, men are men. All the good ones can turn bad at the drop of a hat. Andy seemed like a decent guy and turned out to be a jerk in the end. And one day, he might fancy someone different than his current squeeze and turn bad again. It has nothing to do with you. It’s how they are.”

She dips her gaze to her plate, smiling softly.

“I guess you’re right. I wish I could be more like you...” she murmurs, raising her eyes.

“In what way?”

“You don’t seem to care... I was an anxious mess when we were virgins, and you didn’t give a shit about it. And then what happens? You end up with Mr. Sex God,” she jokes.

We both laugh.

“Yeah... Right. I paid dearly for that. Besides, I didn’t end up with him,” I say, my mood shifting.

“It didn’t affect you too much, either. And even if it did, you’ve moved on with ease.”

I draw in a long breath.

“I’m not sure about that. He affected me... He affected me a lot,” I say, nostalgic. “But I couldn’t think about him. I had to block him out of my memory to be able to survive.”

She gives me a soft smile.

“You miss him?”

A bitter grin tickles my lips.

“Do you miss pain?” I ask.

Her smile fades.

“I guess everything turns to crap in the end,” she says.

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