Page 31 of Silos and Sabotage

“Very few people did.” Avery Radcliffe brushed more dampness from beneath her eyes. “He didn’t want to burden you with that. You already had enough on your shoulders.”

“Did you love him?” Though Ella had intended to only ask things that might shed light on the identity of her father’s murderer, she found herself grasping at straws of hope about other things — things she’d never dared to hope for before today.

“So very much.” Her mother gazed blindly out the conference room windows. “I never stopped. I couldn’t have if I’d wanted to.” She fluttered her hands helplessly. “It’s your father we’re talking about. You knew Mick Lawton better than anyone else.”

I did.Ella appreciated the fact that her mother understood that.

She watched her mother glance at her watch, reminding her that the allotted time for their appointment was drawing to a close.

Her mother abruptly raised her head to meet her gaze again. “Did you find him?”

Ella blinked at the rapid change in topics.

“The man you were looking for,” her mother coaxed. “You’ve mentioned him on a number of occasions.”

“I have?”Ella shivered at the realization that she must have told her mother about Gage. “When?”

“During every visit I made to you in Corpus Christi.” Her mother scanned her features. “You’ve been living in my vacation home on the beach. Do you remember it? The ocean views? Any of it?”

“I’m trying to.” The harder Ella strove to remember, though, the foggier it got inside her head. “Maybe the man I was looking for was my father.” Maybe it was selfish of her, but she wasn’t yet ready to reveal Gage Hefner’s role in her life. He was hers and hers alone —someone who wasn’t stuck in the gaping abyss inside her head.

Her mother nodded, looking disappointed. “It’s possible.” She glanced at her watch again. “I know there’s still so much we need to talk about, but I have another client appointment in less than ten minutes.” She reached up to smooth a hand over her flawless updo. “Before you leave, though, there’s something you absolutely must understand about your diagnosis.”

“What diagnosis?” Ella asked carefully.

“It’s all in your medical records.” Her mother’s voice grew impatient. “You can request a copy of them if you want to read the Santa-sized version. I’ll give you the highlights.” She frowned in seriousness. “You have a rare form of dissociative amnesia. It’s probably been as much of a blessing to you as a curse for the past five years.”

Amnesia?Ella’s eyebrows came together. “How do you know this?”

“Because I’ve been in very close contact with every last person involved with your medical care for the past five years — the team that handled your transplant as well as the team who handled your cosmetic procedures.”

Ella could think of only one way her mother would’ve been able to do that. Horrified, she pointed at her face. “Is thisyourdoing?”

“Not exactly.” Avery Radcliffe looked sad. “All I did was make sure the right medical specialists crossed your path. They made the referrals for the procedures, you authorized them, and I paid for them.”

“Why don’t I remember it?” Ella was more perplexed than ever. “Any of it?”

“Because of the rare form of amnesia I mentioned.” Her mother leaned her way. “It’s called anterograde amnesia. Unlike the movies where the heroine suffers trauma they can’t remember, you remember the trauma but can’t remember what happened next. It’s a form of amnesia that blocks a person’s ability to form new memories.” She waved her hands expressively. “The best example I can come up with is a set of encyclopedias where a volume in the middle is missing.”

“Like a gap,” Ella said slowly.

“Exactly.” Her mother nodded. “With proper therapy, you could get part or all of it back.”

Ella absorbed the information, not sure when the best time would be to admit she was already getting pieces of it back. Ever since her arrival in Heart Lake, she’d also been forming new memories, ones she hadn’t forgotten. Surely, that counted as progress.

“Until then,” Avery Radcliffe leaned closer to give her a warning look, “the best you can do is keep living your life. Hug puppies at the sanctuary. Eat ice cream for dinner. I can have your belongings shipped from my beach house to the place you’re renting if you’d like.”

So, you know where I’m living and working.Ella wasn’t sure if she should be weirded out by that or not. Instead of asking how her mother knew those things, she tried to picture what she owned back in Corpus Christi. Clothing, no doubt, but nothing came to mind. That part of her life was still a blank.

“That sounds good,” she murmured vaguely, since her mother looked like she was waiting for an answer.

“Consider it done. In the meantime,” Avery Radcliffe’s voice dropped nearly to a whisper, “it might be best if you don’t tell anyone that you and I are related.” She sat back in her chair, muttering beneath her breath, “If you even remember after you walk out of here.”

Ella tasted bitterness. “Because you’re still not ready to be my mother, huh?” So much for grasping at straws of hope!

“Nothing could be further from the truth!” Her mother’s voice shook with fervor. “It’s for your protection. And mine,” she added with a sigh, “since you had the misfortune to end up in Heart Lake, of all places.”

Whatever.It felt like she was purposely avoiding giving any direct answers. Ella was a little disgusted with herself for expecting more from a woman who’d been dodging her motherly responsibilities for so many years. “Pretending we don’t know each other won’t be a problem.” Thoroughly incensed, she stood. It was a tough pill to swallow —meeting a parent she thought was dead and almost immediately being told she still wanted nothing to do with her on a personal basis. “It’s not like I’ve ever had a mother figure in my life. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.”

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