Page 33 of Our Hearts to Break

Bracing my weight on my elbows, I sit up and revel in the feeling. “It’s time, Nate. Fuck me. Fuck me so good I can’t remember my name.”

ChapterTwelve

NATE

I have never beennervous about sex. Well, that’s not entirely true. During the darkest days with Veronica, I feared sleep. I dreaded she would come for me. But with other women, I always exuded confidence.

I knew what to do because I learned from a world-class whore how to fuck. Yet, everything is different with River.

Kneeling between his spread thighs, I withdraw the dildo, holding his gaze. He watches as my chest rises and falls faster and notes the hesitation that must be written on my face.

River leans back on his elbows. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to fuck this up,” I confess, feeling stupid for saying the words aloud. “You mean too much to me, Riv. I can’t lose you.”

“Please just fuck me, Nate.” He grips my hips and yanks me closer, expelling a deep breath. “Until you do, you won’t know if you can commit to me.”

“Are you kidding?” I laugh, shaking my head. “You’re all I think about it. It’s always been you.”

“Bullshit,” River challenges. “This was one-sided for years.”

“Really? Has it been, though?” I put my hands on each side of his body and cage him against the mattress. “Do you remember the first time we jerked off together?”

He nods. “How could I forget? I knew that night something was different about me. I didn’t want to look at the girl on your screen, not when I had your perfect dick right there.”

The memory floods my brain, and for a moment, I am instantly transported to ten years ago. We were twelve and figuring out how our dicks worked.

I learned a lot from Veronica, but everything felt new and different with River. It was my chance to start over. He was mine the second I laid eyes on him.

I just knew.

Curiosity had gotten the best of me. And deep down, I knew River wasn’t asleep yet. A part of me wanted him to climb into my bed, sit beside me, and take out his dick. And he did, just like I had wanted.

“I’ve been thinking about that night a lot lately.” Running my fingers over his smooth chest, I say, “Why didn’t I think my behavior was weird? It never occurred to me that two straight men wouldn’t masturbate together. And it should have, right?”

River blinks, mouth shut, waiting for me to continue.

“I only saw you. From the moment we met, I was drawn to you. The hunter in me saw what he wanted and went after it.”

A long moment of silence sweeps over the room. I can see the internal debate playing across River’s face. He wants to believe me, but something is stopping him.

“What about all the girls you fucked? The ones we fucked together? You like women, Nate.”

“Do I? I mean, look at how I treat them. Like bodies to use and discard. I never gave a damn about a single woman I have ever fucked.”

“You liked Samantha,” he challenges. “It was so obvious you did.”

I shrug. “She was down for anything and didn’t care what we did to her. I liked fucking her. That means nothing.”

“You like women. It’s okay. You don’t have to be gay for us to be together.”

While I’m well aware, I have doubts about my sexuality. Every time I buried my cock in a girl, I did so to erase Veronica from my mind. They were stand-ins for her. A way for me to regain control of my fucked-up life.

Did I even like it?

River was always in the room with me, but I couldn’t get hard once I was alone with Samantha. My entire body froze up.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend,” I tell him, meeting his gaze. “I run whenever women get too close to me. None of those girls were my endgame. You are.”

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