Page 34 of His Tempting Duchess

She’d read the entire first volume ofFrankensteinin the middle of the night, and it was enthralling. Now, however, she could hardly hold back her yawns. The pulsing sensation of arousal had receded, at least, although she found herself thinking of the wretched duke every time her mind wandered.

At least he’d made it clear that he still wanted her. Still wanted to marry her. Emily was not sure how she felt about that. It didn’tseemthat the Baroness Rawdon was his mistress, but how could one tell?

Her mind was reeling.

“Mama,” she asked abruptly, “can men be trusted?”

Octavia froze in the middle of chewing a mouthful of fish. She swallowed carefully, setting down her knife and fork. “What a question, Emily. What has brought this on?”

Emily breathed in, trying to rearrange her thoughts. “We have known many men that were not trustworthy, haven’t we? There was… there was the Earl of Downton, remember? The man who tried to ruin us.”

She immediately regretted mentioning that man.

Years ago, after her father had died, the family had been in grave danger. The Earl of Downton had been the primary holder of their debts and had wanted to have Anna in exchange for not turning them out onto the streets. He was married already and had intended to make her his mistress.

Emily was not sure, as it had never been discussed, but she believed that her mother had been forced to enter into a relationship of sorts with the Earl while Anna secured a good marriage to save them. The Earl had troubled them for far too long, until Anna’s husband, Theodore, finally sent him to debtor’s prison for good. He had featured in Emily’s nightmares for years, and she did not doubt that he featured in Octavia’s nightmares, too.

Octavia’s face tightened. “I recall the man. He was a vile beast, and he got what was coming to him. I don’t think of him much, and nor should you, Emily. Of course,hecould not be trusted, but whocouldtrust a villain like that? Surely Lord Downton is not the standard by which you judge men.”

“No, of course not, but I… I was thinking of Papa,” Emily mumbled.

“Yourpapa? Why, you adored him! We all did.”

“I know, I know, Mama. Papa was the kindest, most loving man in the world, I know that, but he made so many mistakes and left us entirely destitute. He was not cruel or unkind, and I know he regretted the predicament he left us in, but he was nottrustworthy, was he?”

Octavia was silent for a moment, thinking this over.

“I do often regret trusting your papa with our finances,” she admitted. “But that cannot be helped. Perhaps your papa was not the mosttrustworthyof men, but what about Theodore? What about Stephen, Beatrice’s husband? And what about Edward, dear Daphne’s husband? They’re fine men, aren’t they?”

Emily sighed. “Yes, but they all married for something other than love. Not one of my sisters married a man for love. It always came later.”

Octavia sniffed, picking up her knife and fork and resuming her meal. “Your sisters did not have the faintest idea of what they wanted,” she muttered. “They had no idea they were in love until it walloped them over the head.”

Emily flinched, reminded of what the duke had said to her last night.

“I think that you do not even know what you want.”

“I think I ought to show you what you truly want, and you’d thank me for it. What do you think?”

Whatdidshe want? Did it matter? Women never got what they wanted, anyway.

Sighing, Emily forced herself to swallow down a mouthful of cold, rubbery eggs.

“Women have to marry, that’s the way of the world,” Octavia continued, helping herself to another cup of tea. “You may not like it, but railing against it won’t change anything. You would do better to choose a decent husband without love getting in the way. That ensures that you’ll keep your head clear, and be able to choose a good,trustworthyman without being blinded by charm or good looks.”

“You were in love, weren’t you, Mama?”

“Yes, I was,” Octavia replied. “I don’t regret an instant of my life with your papa, but there’s no denying that we had our troubles. The thing is, Emily, if you play your cards right and manage to get through this disastrous Season, you can start afresh next year. Your disgrace may be forgotten—well, I suppose that’s rather unlikely, but you will have weathered the worst of it at least—and you can concentrate on finding yourself somebody suitable. You don’t want to go through life as an unwanted spinster, my dear. It is a most unpleasant existence, I’m afraid.”

Emily was silent for a moment, considering. The truth was, her childhood home had not felt much like home since her sisters had left. She felt the loss of Daphne keenly. They’d always done everything together—joined at the hip, as Anna said—and now she felt as though she were simply half of a whole. At a loose end, struggling to find her purpose in a world she’d previously waded through with her twin at her side. It was not pleasant.

No doubt Octavia similarly felt at a loose end. Their happy, noisy family home was quiet of late, the two of them wandering around large, empty rooms.

The question remained, and it was a pressing one.

What was she going to do with her life?

That was only the first question of several. What choices were left open to her? Which did she wish to make? What did she have the temperament or talents to do? Were theypracticalchoices? How could she tell?

---