Page 38 of Blackout

“No shit,” I mutter.

“He didn’t even mention the paramedic. I gotta tell you, I’m not even sure he remembers we got her stashed up there. How long are we gonna do this for?”

“Do what?”

“Pacify him, Black. We’re digging our graves, here.”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’m in a rough spot, Pipe. I know I have an obligation to my club but he’s Lacey’s father first and foremost. If you think it’s hard for you to watch him lose his mind, put yourself in my shoes. I gotta look at him and wonder if it’s only a matter a time before I watch my wife go through the same shit.” I pause to stare at him for a moment. “I’ve spent nearly half my life watching Jack go through the ups and downs of being bipolar and I’ve remained impassive. It didn’t matter if I was high or sober, I kept my head straight and stood beside him through the mania and the depression. I’ve watched him soar and I’ve lifted him when he fell. I don’t know if I can watch my wife do that. It’ll break me.”

“You mean you don’t know if you’ll be able to be what she needs and stay sober.”

“I mean it’ll break my fucking heart to see her lose her mind.”

“Maybe, we’re jumping the gun. Maybe, whatever medication the doctor prescribes will work better than the Lithium,” Pipe counters. “In the meantime, you gotta quit thinking Lacey and Jack are one and the same. Man, Jack waited years before he sought treatment. Lacey got help early in life. She’s got a better chance at beating her maker than her father ever did.”

I pray he’s right.

“Black, look at me,” he orders. “Your girl is good, man.”

“From your mouth to God’s ears,” I say hoarsely.

“I ain’t the praying kind,” he admits. “But I’ll send one up for you.”

I nod as he stands and rounds the table. Reaching me, he scratches the scruff lining his jaw and sighs.

“Do me a solid?”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t go running,” he says. “You want to help your wife, keep your liver, your veins and your fucking nose clean. With Wolf all tangled up in his fucking feelings and Layla pregnant, my plate is full. I can’t help keep Jack in check and scrape you off the floor too. Keep your head straight and I’ll take care of this fucking mess with the paramedic.”

Shortly after that, he leaves me alone in the garage. I sit at the head of the table and stare at the mallet. I wait for temptation to strike, but it doesn’t come. Instead of losing myself to addiction, I lose myself to destiny. I lean forward and wrap my hand around the mallet. In the dark garage, with no one there to witness my actions, I slam the mallet against the grain and accept my fate.

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