Page 38 of A Very Miller-Cooper Life

“Nana!” All three kids shouted as they ran to greet her at the door.

Nana let out anoofsound as all three of them ran into her at once. She laughed as she wrapped her arms around them. “There’s my three crazy monkeys.”

They all giggled then grabbed her hands and dragged her into Jamie’s family room to show her the virtual reality game they were playing with Finn.

Finn handed the headset to Nana. “You should try it,” he said shyly.

Nana looked at the object in her hands as if it had come from outer space. Honestly, to her, it might as well have. Finn explained how it worked and helped her put it on, then put a game on for her. After a few minutes of struggling with what to do, Nana became entranced by the game and was swearing while she swatted at something on her screen. It was an image I’d never forget. At least I hoped not. I wanted to etch it in my brain forever.

Why am I being so sentimental this weekend? What is happening to me?

When she was done playing, she threw herself onto the couch and blew out a long breath. “You all wore Nana out, but that was fun.”

Carter crawled onto the couch, book in hand as usual, and snuggled up next to Nana. “Nana, can I read this book to you before you go?”

“There’s nothing I want more, sweetie.”

Carter moved to sit on Nana’s lap and opened her book. Both of them appeared completely content and happy as they sat close and shared this moment together. I pried my eyes awayfrom them to see if Reagan noticed the sweetness happening in front of us.

What Reagandidn’tnotice was me looking over at her because all of her attention was on Nana and Carter. She was beaming—wide, unblinking eyes, an infectious smile filling her face. I looked back and forth between Reagan and Nana and Carter and could have cried from all the love filling my heart. This was my world, and I loved it.

The moment was broken when Ronan shouted. “Watch me do a flip!”

I moved my eyes to where he was now standing on the far end of the couch. Before I could say or do anything to stop him he jumped off and flailed his body in a way that could somewhat resemble a flip if you really used your imagination. Of course, he didn’t land on his feet. Instead, he flopped onto his side and hit his head on the floor.Thank god Jamie has carpets.I held my breath as I waited for his response, which came in the form of him laughing hysterically and saying, “That was awesome.”

I let out my breath and shook my head at him.Thiswas my actual world, and it was crazy, but that didn’t matter. I really did love it, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Fifteen minutes (and many hugs) later, we were finally able to get out of the house to take Nana to dinner.

“Where to?” I asked once we were in the car, expecting Nana to immediately answer with one of the usual chain restaurants she went to like Applebee’s or Red Robin.

“There’s actually an Italian Restaurant about ten minutes from here that opened a year ago. I’ve been meaning to try it, but I haven’t had the chance. Do you mind if we go there?”

“Of course.” I hoped it wasn’t an overly fancy restaurant since I was only wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt, but either way, it didn’t matter. If this was what Nana wanted, it was what we were doing.

The dinner was spectacular and it wasn’t even because the food was out of this world (which it was). She told stories of when I was young. We laughed about that first summer when Reagan came to visit with Jamie. We discussed our relationship and the ups and downs Reagan and I have had throughout the years, and Nana offered advice for a long, healthy relationship. We even talked about the future and what was to come for us and the kids. Nana listened intently and gave her opinion where it was warranted. I had so many amazing memories with my nana, but this night might have been the best ever.

When we dropped her off, I gave her a long hug. Even though we had plans to see her again in the morning, there was a part of me that felt like this goodbye was permanent. I tried to shake these thoughts from my head, because I didn’t want to think like that. Nana was healthy. At least as healthy as one would expect from someone her age. She didn’t have any terminal illnesses. There was no reason to believe I wouldn’t see her again. Still, as I held her tight, I took in everything about the moment—the scent of her perfume, the way her arms felt wrapped around me, how safe she made me feel. When I pulled away from her, I kissed her forehead and told her how much I loved her. As we got into the car, I took one last look at where she was standing by the door. Most people don’t know the last time they’ll see someone, but deep down, buried inside of me, I knew I wasn’t going to see Nana alive again.

When my phone rang early the next day with a call from my mom, I thought about not answering it. My stomach was in knots over what I knew she was about to tell me. I had no ideahowI knew, but I did.

“Mom?” I asked, my voice shaky. “Is Nana okay?”

The silence on the other end of the phone seemed to stretch on forever until my mom said a barely audible, “No.”

It took forever for me to actually comprehend everything that followed, even if my premonition told me it was coming. Nana wasn’t breathing when they went into her room that morning. She had gone into cardiac arrest while she was sleeping and never woke up. She had gone peacefully and hadn’t experienced any pain.

A fog settled around me when I told her I would catch up with her soon and hung up the phone. I woke up Reagan and we cried together. After a few minutes, there was a light knock on our door and Jamie and Ethan walked in. There was no doubt from the look on their faces that they had gotten the call as well. Instead of saying anything, I moved closer to Reagan and patted the empty spot next to us on the guest bed. Jamie and Ethan joined us and the four of us hugged and cried some more.

“Mommy? Mama?”

The sound of a sweet young voice coming from the hall made another horrible reality crash into me. “We need to tell the kids.” I looked over at Reagan whose face was streaked with tears. “God, how do we do this? I need to be strong for them, but right now, I feel anything but strong. How do we tell them?”

Reagan reached out and squeezed my hand. “Together. We tell them together. It’ll be okay.”

“We’ll be right out, sweetie,” Reagan called out. “Just give us a minute.”

By the time we pulled ourselves together enough to get out of bed and open the door, all four kids were waiting outside of it. Olivia tilted her head at Jamie. “Why are you in my mom and mama’s room?”

Jamie gave me a very brief questioning look before smiling back at Olivia. “We were just talking.”

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