Page 17 of The Malevolent Eight

‘What?’ I asked.

His grin widened. ‘Seriously, Cade. You’ve got to try my paella. It’s to die for.’

Chapter 10

The Perils of Paella

He reallyhadbecome a restauranteur.

The diabolic little fucker had somehow gone from cutting deals for spells with mercenary wonderists on behalf of the Lords Devilish to serving up delicacies to travellers stupid enough to eat in an Infernal restaurant.

‘Delicious!’ Corrigan declared, pounding a fist on the gleaming azure marble surface of an octagonal table around which the seven of us were seated. The large now-empty paella bowl between us rattled loudly.

This was our first night in the town of Seduction, previously known as Hope’s Creek before that name went the way of all discarded dreams. Unlike the people of Pleasance, the townsfolk here had chosen to sign a pact negotiated by my former agent on behalf of the Lords Devilish. This had been, according to Tenebris, part of the deal in exchange for releasing him from military duties.

‘I was the big cheese, you understand,’ he explained smugly. ‘After my– if I might be so humble– genius handling of the whole Pandoral affair– you know, I pretty much single-handedly destroyed the only beings capable of threatening the Lords Devilish and Lords CelestineandI arranged for the gates the Pandorals had intended to use to invade the Mortal realm to instead give us and the Aurorals a way here, well, my star wasreallyon the rise.’

That a scumbag in rags so recently imprisoned and tortured, barely able to sit on a horse for more than five minutes without passing out, could puff himself up like that was an impressive feat. What Tenebris left out of his self-aggrandising serenade was that it had beenus– except for Temper, of course, who hadn’t arrived here yet– who’d actually defeated the Seven Brothers before they could bring over their Pandoral masters from that chaotic realm. But yeah, Tenebris had tricked us into doing all that, so I suppose he does get the credit.

‘They offered me a seat, Cade. Aseat.’

He meant a seat amongst the Lords Devilish. He was also full of shit.

‘No, seriously,’ he said, reading my dubious expression. ‘The Lords Devilish offered me a place among them.’ The flames set the intricate lineage scars on his leathery ivory skin to glowing ominously when he leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, ‘You know there can never be more than thirteen Lords Devilish, right?’

‘Yeah, and there’re thirteen of them because your bosses are so vein they always want there to be one more Lord Devilish than the Aurorals have Lords Celestine. Now, what about this cabal of wonderists who captured you, this so-called “Apocalypse Eight”?’

Tenebris chuckled, ignoring my question. ‘Yeah, those Celestines ain’t got no sense of humour. My pointis, that to give me a seat, the Lords Devilish would’ve had to eliminate one of their own first– which they were going to do.That’show big a deal I am to the Infernal hierarchy.’

‘Were,’ I corrected. ‘You’re a humble restauranteur now, remember? Come on, Tenebris, tell me about the wonderists who captured you.’

He shrugged. ‘Didn’t see ’em. I got taken by an Auroral binding, though I suppose it could’ve been an incarcerationalist’s spell– I wasn’t paying attention then and I’d prefer you not make me relive the torture that came afterwards.’ He smiled, stroking the ram’s horn on the right side of his skull. He had two little curved goat horns on his forehead too, but he’d always preferred the ram’s horns. ‘Pleasure is the future, Cade: that’s what I had to make the Lords Devilish understand. All this violence and bloodshed, the battle against the Aurorals? It’s a waste of time.’ He snorted dismissively. ‘Those idiot Schemelords running around the Mortal realm with their military intrigues? Most Schemelords I know couldn’t find their testicles with both hands and a map.’

‘Do Infernalshavetesticles?’

‘Not. The. Point.’ He shot me a dirty look. ‘Geez, Cade. You’re an even bigger killjoy than you used to be.’

‘I spend more time around Infernals than I used to.’

He jabbed a taloned finger at me. ‘Exactly! This is my point. Killing off Aurorals, recruiting humans into our armies so we can hurl them at other humans working for the other side? It’s just meaningless. It could go on for ever, without anything getting settled.’

It was weird to hear Tenebris getting uncomfortably close to my own position on these matters. ‘But you have a better way?’

‘Pleasure!’ he announced, spreading his arms wide. ‘Sensation. Experience.Living.That’sthe Infernal difference. The Lords Celestine want the monopoly on righteousness and denying physical gratification? Let ’em have it.We’rethe ones offering a meaningful existence inthislife, not some hypothetical eternity strolling beside some so-called Auroral Sovereign– totally made up, by the way.’

‘The Auroral Sovereign is real,’ I said with utter sincerity. ‘I’ve met him.’

He’s not and I haven’t.

Tenebris threw up his hands. ‘Whatevs. My point is, the only permanent victory against the Aurorals will come from converting humanity and the other sentient species of this realm to our side.’

‘Other sentient species?’

‘Yeah. You know, cats, certain breeds of canines, those big weird fish you got in some of your oceans, and. . .’ He scratched at his temple. ‘You got something called “swirrels” here? Live in trees, eat nuts?’

‘Squirrels?’

He clapped his hands together. ‘That’s the one– swirrels. Apparently they’re the highest level of sentience in the Mortal realm. More ecclesiasm in their little left nuts than you have in your whole body. Anyway, you don’t convert souls by recruiting them into armies so they and their descendants can die for generations without end. You win them over to your way of thinking, show them the Infernal path to fulfilment.’

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