Page 18 of The Malevolent Eight

I waved away his enthusiastic soliloquy. ‘You guys have been tempting humans for ever. There’s only so many of us who’ll sell our souls for political power or sex with a succubus.’

‘Those aren’tours, moron. Everybody knows the succubae work for the Aurorals.’ He leaned in close again and jerked a thumb at Shame, who was sitting by herself. ‘You got one in your crew, in case you hadn’t noticed.’ He glanced back surreptitiously at the former Angelic Emissary, who was in her customary middle-aged nondescript form. ‘Also, she sure did let her looks go. What’s the deal with that?’

Chummy banter aside, I was in a pissy mood. All that work breaking into a secret Auroral enclave, risking our necks to not kill any humans and it had all been for nothing. ‘The deal is that Shame’s beautiful now,’ I replied, then leaned closer to whisper, ‘and if you try using your infamous manipulation tricks to convince anyone otherwise, your guess is as good as mine which of us beats the shit out of you first.’

Tenebris rolled one eye, which is more creepy than mocking. ‘Whatevs. Listen, the fact is, sex and power are overrated–that’swhat I’ve been trying to get the Lords Devilish to understand. There’s more to existence than just slaughtering your enemies and fucking their spouses. It’s the little things. The feel of a nice suit’– he mimed stroking a lapel– ‘or the smell of fine wine, aged just the right number of years. The melody of a song that isn’t a fucking battle hymn. The Great Crusade won’t be won with the stench of corpses on a battlefield, it’ll be won with—’

‘The taste of really good paella?’ I suggested.

He grinned, revealing his primary fangs. They were every bit as lethal as Temper’s, I noticed. ‘See? Now you’re getting it.’

I was brought back to our present situation by the sound of Corrigan smashing the empty bowl on the floor and announcing, ‘I will obliterate this establishment to ashes if somebody doesn’t bring me more!’

Tenebris had, it appeared, come close to perfecting the seductive sensory experience of a truly excellent paella. Every bite was a savoury concoction of rice, a medley of tender salty-sweet seafoods, peppers of at least three different varieties, delicately poached vegetables that softened the flavour just enough to keep your tongue from being overwhelmed by the awe-inspiring, tear-drawing symphony of saffron and spices.

Tenebris clapped and an anxious-looking human waiter promptly appeared bearing another huge bowl, which he placed carefully in the centre of the table before kneeling to sweep up the shards from the floor. There was something telling in the fact that the waiter was more unnerved by us than the diabolic he worked for. Maybe the Infernals paid better wages.

‘It’s okay, I guess,’ I said, sampling the paella and working hard not to let a moan of gastronomic ecstasy pass my own lips. ‘Not sure it’ll catch on.’

‘Pshaw,’ Tenebris countered now, standing behind Corrigan. He was nattily dressed in a dark blue frock coat that offset his ivory skin nicely. His horns were tipped with silver caps and he’d shadowed his eyes with some sort of bluish kohl. Other than the limp and an occasional wince, Tenebris looked like his old self. ‘You know what’snotgoing to catch on, Cade? Your stupid peace plan:that’swhat’s not going to catch on. In fact, it’s going to get you and your friends killed, which is sad for me because I’ve always considered you and me to be like brothers.’

I let that one pass, because I had more serious problems at hand.

‘It is our current approach that concerns me,’ Shame announced. She was apparently enjoying the meal, which she was savouring in infinitesimally small mouthfuls. Fuck knows why. Also, she was eating with her fingers rather than using a fork.

‘Savage,’ Alice and Tenebris observed at the same time, then glared at one another with unveiled hatred. Say what you want about Tenebris’ sense of honour– and I could say plenty– but the guy was entirely loyal to his people.

‘A question,’ Aradeus began, because justaskingwouldn’t afford him the dramatic pause he needs for so much as sneezing. ‘Given the months we’ve spent attempting to foil the recruitment efforts of the Auroral and Infernal forces, and despite the intransigence of the Lords Celestine and Lords Devilish which you have so eloquently and frequently articulated, is it wise to shift our focus to pursue an unknown mage of potentially cataclysmic power whose identity we’ve utterly failed to divine?’

‘The rat guy has a point, Cade,’ said Tenebris.

‘Furthermore,’ Aradeus went on, casting a dubious glance at the diabolic, ‘given the precariousness of our situation, is it not unwise to discuss the details of your plan so freely in the presence of a Diabolic Contractualist?’

‘FormerContractualist,’ Tenebris corrected. ‘Like I keep telling Cade here, I am but a modest restauranteur these days, bringing the pleasures of the Infernal Thrum to the humble masses.’ With the claws of his right thumb and forefinger, he proceeded to mime the act of sewing his lips shut, which was exactly as disturbing as it sounds. ‘Nothing uttered within the walls of this establishment shall be shared with anyone, not even the Lords Devilish themselves,’ he proclaimed.

‘Well, if you ask me, you’re doing us humble masses a great service,’ said Corrigan, brushing bits of rice, peppers and please-don’t-tell-me-what-kind-of-meat from his braided beard. ‘Look, even Temper appreciates the cuisine, and he usually only eats blood.’

The kangaroo was indeed showing every sign of enjoying the meal, even snarling his fangs at Alice when she slapped his muzzle for trying to stick his entire face in the bowl.

‘Nothing like an appreciative audience for one’s artistry,’ Tenebris said, now looming behind me. ‘Good luck finding one for the shit you’re stirring, old pal.’

I put down my fork and rose from my chair to face my former provider of Infernal spells. ‘Listen, “old pal”, nobody here is dumb enough to fall for this “discreet restauranteur” act you’re putting on, so why don’t you slither back to the sanctum you set up in the back of this stewpit and use whatever influence you have left with your old bosses to find out what they know about this other band of wonderists who managed to capture you and dump you in an Auroral prison nobody on your side even knew about. After that, you might see if one of those half-witted perverts can squeeze their arse out of their throne for long enough to consult with your Infernal spell-concocters, as they might like to know what it would take for a wonderist to make it look as if they were manipulating someone’s destiny.’

Bridling, Tenebris snarled, ‘How about instead you lick my non-existent testicles? No charge.’ He tried to shove me away, but Contractualists rarely engage in fisticuffs, so not only did he manage to miss my chest entirely, he accidentally cut my cheeks with one of his claws.

The wound stung, but it felt shallow, so I ignored it in favour of grabbing the smirking diabolic by his apron and yanking him close enough for our noses to touch. ‘Try that again, Tenebris, and I’ll remind you why the Lords Devilish used to let you sell me spells at a discount in the first place, because unlike them, I never start a fight unless I know precisely how to finish it.’

Tenebris opened his mouth to speak, but I gave him a shake, just to help him appreciate my displeasure until I was good and ready to send him on his way.

‘Paella’s getting cold,’ Alice pointed out.

I released my former Infernal agent, who made a show of brushing himself off before muttering, ‘You know what, Cade? The apocalypse is turning you into a real drag.’

I sat back down, hoping to get one more bite of the damned food, but naturally, the universe– this time in the guise of a vampiric kangaroo– wasn’t going to allow that to happen. I shoved Temper’s muzzle away from my face. ‘Stop licking my cheek, you idiot. I’m not even bleeding.’

The kangaroo snarled, I gave him the finger, the beast’s jaws clenched and his mouth worked furiously. At first I wondered if he were about to bite me, but this looked more as if he’d got a strip of leather caught in his fangs or was trying to—

‘He’s going to speak!’ Corrigan shouted, practically weeping with joy. ‘I told you he was smart, Cade! Go on, boy, tell us what you—’

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