Page 120 of Perfect Mess

After playing with Janet all those years in high school, Gary and I knew her tendencies and preferences. She couldn’t stand the idea of hurting an animal. Even an imaginary one that was trying to kill us imaginarily. So while most D&D adventures involved swords and sorcery, monster maiming and creature killing, Gary’s dungeon mastering games were always more evolved. In order to win the quests in Gary’s games, the characters would have to solve riddles, or navigate mazes, or outwit complex traps. There was always a peaceful solution to every problem, if you were creative enough to look for it.

“I’m not so sure about the swamp idea,” said Karen, pointing to my swamp drawing. “Look at those bubbles. They look ominous.” I high-fived myself in my head. “If Serenity Vale is anything like Florida, there’s going to be all kinds of alligators and snakes in there. Maybe worse.” Karen seemed to enjoy playing in character, drawing on Caryn, the forest elf’s wilderness expertise. Not to mention the fact that Karen herself was a veteran of S.U.K.C.’d.

“Definitely worse.” I pointed again to the green bubbles.

Ralph traced his finger along the penciled road, to the right of where the dragon figurine was looming on the map. “What if we go around it, along this wall?”

“Or we turn around and go back. Leave the poor dragon in peace. What if it has little baby dragons back in its lair or something?” Janet patted the tiny dragon figurine on its pewter head.

“What do you think, Mary?” Jack asked. Sitting right beside him, I could smell the rum on his breath. His cheeks were flushed red and his eyes flashed fire. Like a dragon. I hadn’t realized we sat that close. Had I subconsciously scooted my chair closer toward him? Or was his chair somehow closer to me? The expression on Jack’s face made me think of a steel trap. Once you stepped inside, you could never get back out. At least not without gnawing off your own ankle first.

“Keep going,” I said, picking up my Gronk figure and setting it down at the far edge of the map. “Too late to turn back now. No risk, no reward, right?”

“If you say so,” said Gary. His face was as unreadable as a dragon scroll written in algebra equations.

* * *

“Onward then,brave adventurers, tally forth to the right!” Sir Jack the Badass stepped away from the gurgling swamp and headed for the cobblestone wall to the right of the dragon’s position. A sign posted a warning, “Thou Shalt Not Trespass, Lest Yee Be Shot!”, with a scrawled etching of a bow and arrow.

In the distance, a herd of horned beasts grazed in the pasture. The strange creatures emitted a long, low, guttural sound, as if in mocking, but otherwise left the adventurers alone. The dragon also left them alone, thanks to some magical lute playing by Gwain, the bard, who sang to the dragon that“I only want to be with you.”

Once Sir Jack, Gwain, Periwinkle, Caryn, and Gronk were safely past the dragon, there were a series of other trials and tribulations to overcome.

There was the lost goblin whelp, who could have been used to force the goblin tribe to help defeat the Witch Queen, but, per Sir Jack’s suggestion, was returned to his family after Periwinkle’s plea for mercy.

There was the magic potion that could have been used to make Sir Jack invincible, but was used to heal the wounded village elder who had given Periwinkle his last turnip.

And of course the climactic scene where Periwinkle was bewitched by the Witch Queen, made to believe that friends were enemies and enemies were friends, and the witch queen’s henchmen trapped Gronk in the dungeon. It was up to Sir Jack to choose which one he would save. But instead of choosing one of his companions over the other, Sir Jack sacrificed himself to save them both, surprising the Witch Queen so completely that she just gave up and left the castle on her own and the adventure was over rather suddenly.

Gary had created the Serenity Vale adventure as one big test. Each step in the adventure was supposed to be more difficult than the last, testing Jack’s morals and character. The entire night had been carefully orchestrated to reveal all of Jack’s flaws. Expose his true nature for everyone to see. But if the Dungeons and Dragons game was a test, Jack passed it with flying colors. An A+.

When the game was over, the town of Serenity Vale had been saved, the Witch Queen had been vanquished, and Sir Jack the Badass was hailed as a hero. And then when the town leaders tried to give Sir Jack his reward, the real Jack asked Gary if his character could just donate the treasure to the goblin orphanage. Things could not have gone any worse.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

Ralph had to get Karen home to relieve the babysitter, who was pulling double duty with both Cary and Kyle, so Gary and I volunteered to stay behind and help Janet and Jack clean up.

As I was helping Gary fold the map, I glimpsed Janet and Jack out of the corner of my eye. They were across the bookstore near the information desk, laughing and talking. The sight of the two of them so happy and content made me sick to my stomach.

As I was sweeping Cheetos crumbs into a dustpan, Gary pulled me aside. “Maybe he isn’t so bad after all? Maybe we were wrong?”

I took another chug of jalapeño lager, then opened my mouth as wide as possible to let the air cool my tongue. “Maybe.”

Jack’s game had been flawless, always two steps ahead. He was like Bill Belichek with a camcorder. It was as if he knew what play we were going to call as soon as we broke the huddle. As much as I hated to admit it, Gary was right. Jack had made all the right moves. He was kind, he was thoughtful, he was generous. Sir Jack the Badass. Perhaps the name suited him after all. “He was kind of … perfect.”

“They do seem happy together,” said Gary. The sound of Janet and Jack’s laughter carried across the shelves like nails on a chalkboard.

“You okay?” Gary asked.

I wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay any more. It took every ounce of my being not to scream.

Gently, Gary pried the jalapeño lager cup from my grip. “Janet promised Mike we would let him know what we thought,” I explained. “It’s my scientific duty to use proper size sampling.”

“I think, maybe, you’ve sampled enough.”

Gary set aside the cup and took my hands in his. The touch of his fingertips sent a sizzle down my center. “Maybe you should sit down for a minute.” A soothing warmth radiated from Gary’s hands into my hands. Up my arms. Into my head. I caught myself studying the curves of his shoulders like there was going to be a pop quiz later. “Mary?”

I had to close my eyes to keep the world from spinning. Too much jalapeño lager. Way too much. How scientific of me.

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