Page 119 of Perfect Mess

As dungeon master, Gary had the seat at the head of the table. From the smug look on his face, he seemed to enjoy his position of authority. And if I’m being honest, I was kind of enjoying it too. Something about a man in power, I guess. Even if that power is only dungeon mastering.

Gary looked down the table toward Jack, who was sitting right beside me. When we were first getting situated, Jack had pulled the chair out for Janet. A true gentleman. Seizing the opportunity, I slipped in and sat down instead. Somewhat less gentle, I admit. Janet ended up taking the last open seat. The one right next to Gary.

“You see, Jack, the cool thing about Dungeons and Dragons is that it’s a roleplaying game, so you get to choose whatever actions you want to take. You’re in control.”

“Sure thing Gare. That issupercool.” Jack’s face got very serious, and he nodded solemnly. I think if I would have opened a dictionary in that moment and flipped to the word “patronizing”, Jack’s picture would have been right there under the verb tenses.

“Well, if we get to choose our own adventure,” Karen announced, “the action I choose is to grab another beer. Do I have to roll the dice for that?”

“Only if you’re trying the growler of jalapeño lager, Mike asked us to taste test,” I said. Judging by the look on her face, Karen liked that idea about as much as when Janet suggested she look through the prop bin for a pair of Elven ears.

Ralph got up to help Karen. “Anybody else want a beer?” We all raised our hands.

“Jalapeño lager?” We all lowered them.

While Ralph and Karen went to fetch another round from the cooler, I moved my half orc figurine back another space, away from the dragon. By my calculation, I was now out of the range of its fire breath. Just to be sure, I nudged the bard figurine a tad bit closer.

Wanting to support Gary’s efforts, I said to Jack, “That’s what makes D&D so interesting. It’s all fantasy, of course, but the choices you make as your character often reveal the real you.”

Gary and I exchanged a knowing look. Because that was our master plan. To get Jack to reveal his true self to Janet, through the actions of his character in the game. Gary had meticulously planned the entire thing. Would he ravish the woodland nymph when she lured him into the forest? Would he abandon his fellow adventurers to save himself during the Minotaur ambush? And in the ultimate battle, would he sacrifice himself to save Periwinkle, the halfling? Or take the bait and go after the magic sword. Even though it had been Gary’s plan, I had to admit it was quite brilliant.

Jack humored me with an amused smile, then took another sip of his colorful Blue Hawaiian drink. Somehow, I got the impression that my Dungeons and Dragons philosophy was not the thing that was amusing him, however. I couldn’t help but notice the way his teeth scraped over his bottom lip when his eyes flashed to my lips. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was ogling me like I was the woodland nymph.

Pulling his eyes away from me, Jack surveyed the hand-drawn map stretched across the gaming table, then turned his attention to the assortment of miniature figurines representing the positions of each of our characters. “Tally ho, ye fellow adventurers. Let us hasten to vanquish yonder dragon forthwith.”

“Why are you talking like that?” Ralph wrinkled his nose.

Jack shrugged. “I thought we were supposed to use voices?”

“No.” Ralph and Gary both answered immediately. I forgot to mention that the entire time we had been playing, Jack had been using a British accent. Like a knight. It was kind of cute. And I thought sexy. But also very annoying to some people, based on Gary and Ralph’s response.

“Can I though? Use my knight voice?” Jack asked, using the British accent once again.

“Yes,” said Janet, Karen, and I all together.

Jack was like a sexy James Bond. Except instead of a shaken, not stirred martini, he was throwing back his third Blue Hawaiian, the blue hue from the Curacao stained on his jutting upper lip.

“What’s this over here?” Jack pointed to the section of the map to the left of the road.

“That’s the swamp,” I explained. While Gary was drawing the mountain range and coloring in the river on the other side of the map, he had let me draw the swamp lands with green and brown-colored pencils. To be honest, I was kind of proud of it. I had put in a bunch of creepy looking gnarled trees and colored in little bubbles in the swamp water to suggest something lurking beneath the surface. Gary said it was good. No, wait, I think his exact words had been, “really good.” And he would know because Gary was a legitimate artist.

As Karen and Ralph returned with our beers, I asked, “Hey, does anybody here know why the swamp water is colored brown?”

Karen raised an eyebrow. “Dragon poop?”

I pointed at her with my plastic dagger and winked. “Bingo.”

Jack picked up his knight figure and put it next to the swamp. “Fine, if we can’t kill the dragon,” He gave Janet a sideward glance. “We’ll sneak around through the swamp. Can we do that?”

“You can try to do whatever you want,” Gary explained. “But whether you succeed is up to the dice.” Gary handed Jack one of the fancy dice, the one with twenty different sides.

Jack looked around the table. “What do you all think?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know Jack. You’re the leader. It’s up to you. Everything that happens tonight is all on you.”

The day before the Dungeon and Dragon’s event at Janet’s book store, Gary had come over to Aunt Catherine’s house bright and early. While Kyle went swimming and tried to groom Purrfect with my hairbrush, Gary and I hunkered down at my rented kitchen table and planned it all out. At the beginning of the game, I would suggest that Jack lead the party, a role which he would readily accept. With the responsibility of making the ultimate choices, the ultimate outcome of our adventure would fall on him. And for every wrong move Jack made, Janet would have a front-row seat to bear witness.

“I think we should go through the swamp,” agreed Janet. “Just as long as you don’t hurt the dragon.”

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