Page 76 of Shadow

“You heard me,” he muttered, looking out to the lake again. He sucked in another drag and blew out the smoke. “Fuck her. If you fuck her, maybe it’ll help me feel better.”

“How would me fucking her help you feel better?”

“Because we’ve both fucked someone different. Knowing you’re getting her off might be the punishment I need right now.” He turned toward me. “She likes it when you go slow and kiss her lips. Her neck. If you need to be rough, you can. She likes that, too, but I think sweet and gentle is the way to go for you. Go deep. If you’re eating her out, place your hand on her lower abdomen and gently apply pressure. She’ll come almost immediately if you’ve got your tongue on her clit and your fingers on her g-spot.”

I swallowed hard at his words. “Sin, man. I-we don’t have that kind of relationship?—”

“You could if you listen to me. Please do this for me, Bryce.Shadow.Fuck. Tease me with it. Record yourself getting her off and send it to me. Make me hurt. I want to fucking hurt.”

“You’re seriously messed up,” I muttered.

“You don’t know the half of it.” He turned back to the lake. “I want this. I know Church said no to it, but to fucking give me—us—a chance, I think I need this. I won’t tell Church.”

I sighed. “Sin, I’m not going to do that?—”

“Please?” He looked over at me. “I-I need it more than my next breath. The shit I’m doing to myself as punish isn’t working. Look.” He pulled his sleeve up on his black Henley and showed me the ugly cuts deep in his flesh. He’d carved her name deep into his skin on repeat. He moved to his abdomen and lifted his shirt to show me further damage. He’d practically covered himself in her name. Some of the wounds were wrapped. Some were in later healing stages. Some were still damp with fresh blood. But every single one was her name.

“I love her,” he choked out.“Please. Punish me.”

I looked away from him, my stomach twisting.

“Why don’t you ask Asylum to do it?” I finally asked softly.

“Because I like Asylum.” He let out a soft, sad laugh. “You’re the one I’m on the fence about. Seems like Asylum will join us eventually. But you? I don’t know, and that’s what makes you perfect.”

“Sin, I-I can barely kiss her without fucking everything up,” I muttered.

“What do you mean?”

I sighed. The last thing I wanted to do was admit my… issues.

“I’m a virgin,” I mumbled. “I don’t get very far if you know what I mean.”

Sin raised his brows at me. I thought he’d laugh, but instead he pushed off the railing and turned to me.

“Jerk off before you do anything with her. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and blow your load in there. Come out. Rock her world.”

“Uh.” I scratched my head. “You think that will help?”

“It’s how I got through my first time with a girl.”

I nodded and looked to the patio door. There were too many people for me to see if she was still with Stitches.

“I’ll send you pictures and videos,” I murmured. “If it’s what you want.”

“It is,” he choked out. I didn’t need to look at him to know this was painful for him.

Sirena emerged moments later, looking gorgeous as hell, Asylum at her side. She came straight for me, but her eyes were on Sin. She was cautious in her movements, worry on her face.

The moment she got to me, I wound my arm around her.

I was a little tipsy, so that helped loosen me a bit.

“Hey, cupcake,” I greeted her. She snuggled against me, her eyes on Sin.

He looked like he was going to tear her away from me. Like he was suffering.

So I did the only thing I could do. I gave him the misery he was asking for. I reached out and put my fingers beneath her jaw and directed her attention at me. I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. Her lips were stiff and unmoving beneath mine for a moment, making me scared that maybe I’d fucked up, but finally, her lips parted, and I kissed her deeply.

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