Page 59 of Shadow

“He forced Cady to do it,” Church said from across the room. “Adam said he’d leave Sirena alone. He wouldn’t kill her. Cady and Sin were drugged. Sin was willing to do anything to try to save her. He tried to buy time, and it wasn’t working. So he fucked Cady.”

My stomach twisted painfully at his words. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck Cadence. I wasn’t that sort of guy who made girls take my dick, but this had been a dire situation.

“I just wanted to save Sirena. I wasn’t in my right head. The drugs…” my voice trailed off. “I wasn’t myself. I could barely fight him off, and I know I could have taken that little prick with one arm. My head wasn’t working right. Everything was heavy and cloudy….and so fucked up. I-I wasn’t myself.”

“Did you feel like you were in a dream?” Stitches whispered, his voice shaking. I looked at him to see his dark eyes shining. “Like it wasn’t your body and you weren’t in control?”

I nodded miserably.

“It’s what they used on me, too, in the facility. He must not have given you as much as they gave me, but that’s exactly how I felt. I was me, but I wasn’t. I’d have dropped to my knees and sucked anyone’s dick even though I’m not into that stuff. It was like I had no control. In my head, I knew what was happening. What I was doing to an extent, but I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t fucking stop any of it.”

“I’m just so sorry. Sirena is going to hate me. And Cady…” my voice shook. “I’m sorry. Please. Know I am.”

“We know,” Ashes murmured. “It’s going to be OK?—”

“How?” I demanded. “How the fuck is it going to be OK? How can I even look at Sirena? At Cady? I-I can’t?—”

The front door opened, and Sirena came into the room with Asylum and Bryce at her side. She zeroed in on me immediately. She barely got her boots off before she was barreling across the room at me.

I slowly got up and wiped my eyes once more as she threw her arms around me. I held her back for a moment, doing everything I could to avoid losing it and becoming a blubbering mess.

She went up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine.

I couldn’t. I just fucking couldn’t.

I broke the kiss off, the tears freely rolling, and pushed her away. Ashes was right there to grab her when she reached for me, her brows crinkled and hurt written all over her pretty face.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I…” I didn’t know what else to say.I’m sorry. I love you. I’m a piece of shit. I need time. I want to die. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.

I didn’t wait for anyone to speak. I booked it to my bedroom and slammed the door behind me before going to my knees on the hardwood floor and pulling my rosary out. I ran the beads through my fingers as I wept softly, my prayers rolling off my tongue in a whisper.

If I couldn’t be with her, then I could still pray for her.

I’d always pray for her.

SHADOW

Iwatched as Sirena stared at the empty doorway through which Sin had disappeared. She stood still for a long time, silence surrounding us, before her body shook. I thought she was crying, but was surprised to see her face flushed and her eyes dry as she turned to all of us, either standing or sitting awkwardly in the room.

“What happened?” she demanded in a deadly whisper.

I glanced at everyone else, knowing it wasn’t my place to say shit about shit.

“Uh, he’s, uh, he’s just working through some stuff,” Stitches managed to sputter out before looking at Church, who sat forward in his chair, staring intently at Sirena.

“He’s struggling with being found naked with your sister,” Church said after an awkward moment.

I looked past Church to see Cady step off the bottom step, her blue eyes wide. Sirena snapped her attention to her.

“I-I wanted to tell you,” Cady started, her voice soft. “What happened.”

Sirena said nothing, all her focus on Cady.

“Should we go?” I whispered to Asylum.

“We should not. There may be a blood bath, and I so do love a good soak.”

I sighed and looked away from the maniac to Sirena.

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