Page 23 of Without You I Have Nothing To Lose

“The fuck you grinning in my face for, nigga?”

“Yo’ in love ass. It’s cool though. Sis, seems cool.” he smirked again after calling her sis. I’d let that shit ride for now because I wasn’t about to be going back and forth with his ass. We pulled up to the store, and it was a few cars parked outside. Walking in, I saw Trina at the counter. Shorty had it for me bad, but I had no rap for her. She was cute and all, just not my type. I let her suck me off a few times, though. I didn’t discriminate against that mouth. When I walked toward Zeus’ office, I heard his voice elevated a lil’ bit. I was about to go in until I heard my mama’s name.

“You gonna tell Meech you saw, Juanita?” I heard Zeus right hand, Ced question. That had my attention, because how did he know Juanita.

“I don’t know. She’s been gone this long, and he’s not showing any interest in reuniting with her. It was a blessing in disguise when he was sent to me. I didn’t even know Juanita was pregnant wit’ my kid, then to have him delivered to my home after thirteen years was a sign.” I know I didn’t just hear this nigga say he was my real pops. I looked at Kev and, by the look on his face, he’d heard the same thing. Not being able to stand outside and continue to be in the dark, I burst through the door like a savage. By the look on his face, he knew I’d heard him.

“So, you’re my real pops and ain’t say shit? The fuck kinda shit you on, Zeus?” I was fuming and confused all at the same time.

“Look, Meech. I didn’t know when you first came, but I heard you mention Juanita’s name, and I started connecting the dots. I was a reckless young nigga, and I had money to blow. Instead of saying something, I just had your DNA tested to confirm my suspicions. It came back that you were my son, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I thought you would reject me and think I didn’t want you, son. That wasn’t the case. I didn’t know.” The sincerity in his voice matched the look in his eyes, but it was still too much for me to handle right now. Instead of addressing it, I turned around and left with Kev trailing behind me.

“I’m not even gon’ ask you if you’re good, bro. I know that’s some heavy shit to have thrown at you.” I didn’t respond to what he said because it was the truth. It was a lot, so I told him to take me to Zeus’ house instead. I wanted to see if Ma Izzy had the same story.

Kev didn’t even get out. He knew where my head was at right now. Besides, we both saw my car parked out front, so we knew Daizha was here. After dapping him up, I got out and let myself inside. I heard the voices coming from the kitchen and I headed in that direction. When I walked in, the ladies were sitting at the table drinking wine and laughing. I interrupted all that with my question.

“You knew?” I was staring at Ma Izzy and by the look on her face, she knew exactly what I meant.

“Hijo,” she started, but I cut her off with a sinister laugh.

“Son? Really, Isabella? You knew this nigga was my biological pops and neither of you said shit!” I was fuming. I heard the gasps from Daizha and Jaylen, bringing me back to the reality that we weren’t alone.

“Demetric, por favor. It wasn’t like that,” she tried explaining, with tears falling down her beautiful face.

“All y’all some fuckin’ liars!”

“Meech! I know you’re upset but watch how you talk to your mother and my wife.” I turned around and faced Zeus, who had a mug on my face that resembled mine more than I wanted to admit. I never saw the shit before because I always thought I looked like Juanita, but I see my whole face on this nigga right now.

“My mother? Fuck out my face wit’ that shit. My mama was some hoe that you probably paid to suck yo’ dick and you wanna talk to me about respect? Fuck you and that bitch.” Before I could get the words out of my mouth good, he hooked off on me, and caught me dead in the mouth.

“Daddy!”

“Zeus! Demetric! ¡Todos paren esta mierda ahora mismo! (Y’all stop this shit right now!)”

I heard Ma Izzy and Jaylen yelling, but I wasn’t thinking about that right now. This nigga just put his hands on me like I was some lil’ ass boy. We were tussling all over the kitchen, breaking shit and knocking shit over.

“¡Detén esta mierda ahora mismo, maldita sea! (Stop this shit right now, got damn it!)” That time we stopped because we heard a gun cock. Isabella was standing with a gun in her hand and tears streaming down her face.

“You gon’ shoot me over this, nigga?” I quizzed.

“No, hijo, but I knew both of y’all hardheaded asses would stop at the sound of a gun cocking. We need to sit down and talk about this instead of the two of you fighting like some damn tontos (fools) in my damn house. Done fucked up my damn kitchen and showed y’all’s asses in front of our guest and got my bebita (baby girl) upset. I should shoot the both of y’all just for that alone.” She was mad because she rarely cursed unless she was pissed. She was doing that shit in Spanish, too, so I knew she was pissed.

“Nah, I’m good on allat. Y’all should’ve wanted to talk when you found out. Come on, Dai. Let’s go.” I went to hug and kiss Jay on her forehead, and she was bawling like a baby.

“Meechie, please?” she begged.

“I’ll call you.” I kissed her forehead and turned to leave. It wasn’t her fault, but I couldn’t stay here right now. I escorted Daizha to the car and opened her door for her to get in. Once she was in and secure, I went to the driver’s side and got in. She didn’t say anything, and I appreciated it. The whole ride home was quiet. When I got inside, I went straight to my room and got in the shower. While I was in there, the tears that I’ve been holding for years came rushing out. All this time, I wanted my pops, and I’ve been under his nose for the past ten years. I didn’t know how to process these feelings. I was elated that I knew where I came from but was pissed at the same time because he didn’t tell me when he found out. Was he ashamed that he had a kid with a hoe? Hell, I was embarrassed to have a hoe for a mama, but she was all I had for the first ten years of my life. I had no grandparents. No aunts, uncles, or cousins. Kev was the closest thing I had to family. This shit was too much, and my emotions were all over the place.

When I got out of the shower, I heard my phone going off back to back. There were calls and texts from Kev, Jay, and Isabella. I scoffed at the fact that she really pulled her gun out. She was crazy, no doubt, but I knew she wouldn’t hurt me. I just wasn’t ready to talk to anybody. I sat my phone down and started to roll a blunt so I could smoke and sort this shit out. As soon as I sat it on the nightstand, it started ringing. Looking over at it, I saw it was Paris, and I sent her ass to the voicemail. She called back to back three times before I answered the phone and banged on her ass.

“The fuck you keep calling for, P! I know you saw I was sending yo’ simple ass to voicemail!”

“I was calling to check up on you. I haven’t heard from you or seen you in a week,” she whined.

“And?”

“And? What do you mean and? Why are you treating me like this? Is it because of that young girl you have staying with you?” she probed.

“P, I’m not about to do this with you right now or ever. Stop blowing my shit up. If I wanna deal wit’ yo’ worrisome ass, I’d call you! Damn!” I heard her calling my name, but I hung up in her face and turned my shit off. Anything business related that had to be dealt with, Kev could handle it. I sparked up my blunt and smoked the whole thing in one setting. I was good and high by the time I was done, and the smell of food flowing through the vents made my stomach grumble. Stretching, I got up and went into the kitchen, where I found Daizha at the stove, stirring something in a saucepan.

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