Page 87 of You Started It

“It’s the middle of November and freezing,” I remind him.

“Just for a few minutes. We can walk off those garlic breadsticks,” he says with a sincere smile.

“Fine.” I unbuckle the seatbelt and step out of my car. As Ben comes around, I hike up the zipper to my coat and throw on my hood. He extends his hand but I shrug to show him mine are in my jacket pockets. “What’s up?” I ask as we begin walking.

“You were really quiet over dinner.”

“It was loud in the restaurant,” I say, even though the truth is I couldn’t get the image of Olivia and Axel out of my head.

“Then is there a reason you cowered every time I tried to touch you?”

“I didn’t cower.”

“You cowereverytime I try to touch you.” Ben stands in front of me. We’re stopped in the middle of the road. Scattered streetlights dot the ground with halos of light. “What’re we doing here, Jamie?”

I shrug again, picking at the inseams of my pockets.

“I thought we were trying to give our relationship another chance,” he says. “But it feels like I’m the only one trying.”

“I don’t know what you expect from me. You dumped me for another girl, and then when that relationship ended, you came crawling back—and what? You thought I would just run into your arms and be so grateful?”

Ben runs a hand over his face and sighs. “You have a relationship with your dad. We’re going to the formal together. It’s everything you wanted and you’re still not happy.”

He’s right. I do have everything I thought I wanted. But that was before. Before I ran over Axel’s bike. Before he held my hand. Before he rubbed the tip of his nose against mine. Before the dancing, the kissing, the laughing, the talks. Before Axel, I was asleep, but he woke me up. And now? I’m in some sort of weird purgatory where I just exist. I can’t go back to how things were because I don’t want to and I can’t move forward because I don’t know how.

A car horn sounds and we jump. Ben pulls me to the side of the road as a baby-blue BMW speeds past us and stops abruptly in front of Axel’s house, breaks squeaking.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Ben says. He stampedes over to Axel’s. I follow behind with a bit more reluctance.

Olivia gets out of her car and slams her door, eyes searing into Ben’s. “What?”

“What?” Ben practically shouts. “You’re hanging out with this guy now? After you promised me there was nothing going on?” Axel gets out of the car and spots me on the street. We share a moment of solidarity as we stand on the receiving ends of this awkward encounter between exes.

“I can hang out with whoever I want. Interesting you seem to think you get a say, seeing as you ran right back toher,” Olivia says.She doesn’t even look at me when she says it. Like I’m not worth the effort. “Heard you’re going to the formal together.” She crosses her arms over her chest.

“We’re not…” I interject. “I mean we are, but we’re not officially back together or anything,” I say, fumbling my words.

“Looks like you’re back together,” Olivia says. “At least that’s what Ben is telling everyone.”

“Ben?” I ask, feeling my face tighten.

He turns to me. “I don’t understand why you’re acting so surprised. What exactly do you think we’ve been doing the last two weeks?”

“We’re just hanging out. We haven’t been”—I pause, searching for the right word—“intimate.”

I glance over at Axel. His expression softens at my TMI reveal.

Olivia barks out a laugh. “Hilarious.”

“At least I can trust Jamie,” Ben says to Olivia. “She doesn’t DM other guys secretly behind my back.”

“That’s rich. No, seriously,” Olivia says, getting in Ben’s face. “Like you’re in any position to talk about secrets.”

As soon as Olivia finishes the sentence, Ben reaches for me, ignoring the brick wall I’ve been building in my mind. “Let’s go.”

“Wait,” Axel says. I stand still, looking between Ben and Axel, Olivia just outside my line of vision. “I think it’s time Jamie finally learns the truth.”

“Come on, Jamie, we don’t need to hear this,” Ben says, his hand now wrapped around my wrist. My feet stay planted where they are.

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