Page 63 of The Paris Chapter

‘I’m back,’ I said, clinging on to my best friend gratefully.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I was too scared to.’

She pulled back and frowned. ‘Why? Come in! This sounds like a wine chat but we got rid of all alcohol in the flat so is tea okay?’

‘Perfect.’ I went on through and sat down on the sofa while Carly made us both a cup of tea. Luke was out at work, she said, and she had been trying to work herself but had been thinking about me.

‘And then you turn up!’ she said, joining me on the sofa, handing me a cup of tea and nursing one herself. ‘I missed your face,’ she said.

‘Me too. I’m sorry about our call in Paris. I know you were only looking out for me. And I should have listened.’

‘And I should butt out unless you ask my advice. I’m sorry too.’

‘How are you? How’s everything with the baby?’ I asked her.

‘Good, I think. I have a doctor’s appointment later this week. I’m so excited but it is a weird feeling. Like abstract?’ She looked down. ‘I forget there is someone growing inside me sometimes. I suppose it’ll be more real when I get a bump or feel it kicking. If all goes smoothly, of course.’

‘You guys will make wonderful parents. You both have basically parented me since we were teenagers.’

She laughed. ‘We used to joke you were like our little sistereven though we’re all the same age. Dreamers need practical people to help them navigate life while they are dreaming.’

I smiled. ‘I’m glad I’ve always had you both. And I can’t wait to be an auntie. You know I’ve always been unsure about my own feelings about motherhood but I’ll be right by your side for your journey.’

‘Good. Because I have a feeling there will be a lot of freak-outs, I warn you now.’

‘Noted. I’m so happy for you guys,’ I told her.

Carly eyed me over her mug. ‘I feel like you’re trying to get me to forget that you’ve just suddenly come back from Paris. What happened, Tessa?’

I took a breath. ‘Okay. Well…’ I launched into the full story. Everything that had happened between me and Ethan, and then Joe turning up and Ethan seeing us kiss.

‘Oh my God, Tessa!’ Carly cried. ‘I’m really trying not to give unsolicited advice any more but…’ She grimaced.

‘I didn’t tell you because I knew what you would say. But for a moment, I was tempted to go back with Joe,’ I admitted. ‘Ethan walked away from me in Paris, and I doubt I’ll see him again. I just felt lost and Joe was saying all the right things. I was so hurt when we broke up. But being in his flat just now, I realise I don’t feel that way any more. I still hate that I gave him six months but I’m glad that’s all I gave him. It would have been a mistake to try again.’

Carly nodded vehemently. ‘I hate that you even gave him six months. You’ve made the right decision. But I’m sorry about Ethan. You really don’t think you’ll see him again?’

‘He wants to open a restaurant in Paris. And his face when he saw me kissing Joe…’ I shuddered at the memory. ‘Plus, I think you were right. It all moved so quickly; maybe I was making the same mistake of jumping in and being impulsive. I don’t know if I trust my heart right now.’

‘You have a really good heart though, Tessa. Well, despite how it ended, I can see Paris has been good for you. You seem more confident and decisive. I don’t think you would ever have said those things to Joe before.’

I thought about that. ‘That’s true. I do feel good that I was finally able to tell him what I think about him. And you know, I’ve never been good at telling people what I think. I always think years later of things I could have or should have said!’

‘Yes,’ she said, nodding furiously as she sipped her tea.

‘For once, I said exactly what I wanted to say. Maybe if Joe had turned up here before I went to Paris, maybe he would have charmed me or convinced me to try again. But I don’t know, after these past few days, I guess I have more perspective. I realised that I never felt like myself when I was with Joe. He made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.’

‘He’s the one who isn’t good enough,’ she scoffed.

I smiled. ‘I realised I’d much rather be single than be with someone who doesn’t love me for who I am, you know?’

‘Amen to that!’ Carly looked regretful. ‘Maybe I was too hard on this Ethan. If this is the effect he’s had on you…’

‘He did make me feel like he really saw me, that he liked me for who I am. He even read one of my books. Something Joe never did.’ I shook my head. ‘I need to see it though for what it was – just a lovely few days. Paris helped heal me when I needed it. Now, I need to focus on writing my book and moving on.’

‘I guess so,’ Carly said. ‘How is the book going?’

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