Juliette nodded. ‘And he doesn’t want to go either.’
I turned back to see Ethan looking over at us. I smiled at him.
Juliette kissed my cheek. ‘Go home, Tessa. I’ll call you tomorrow.’ She disappeared back into the crowd.
Taking a fortifying breath, I walked over. ‘I want to go home,’ I said to Ethan over the music. I could feel the woman he was with looking at me curiously. ‘Will you come with me?’
If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. ‘Meet me outside,’ hesaid before turning back to her. I nodded and set off, trying to hold back the nerves that suddenly fluttered through my body. There was a reason neither of us had run from sharing the apartment together. It thrilled and terrified me.
As I stepped outside the party, my phone buzzed in my bag. I looked at the screen. My stomach somersaulted. It was Joe.
Joe was calling me.
What the hell?
‘Tessa?’ Ethan was beside me then, noticing my stunned expression. I held up the screen so he could see. ‘Oh. Do you want to take it?’ he asked slowly.
I wavered. On one hand, I never wanted to speak to Joe again after how much he hurt me. But there was curiosity too. Why was he calling me now, after two months of no contact? I looked up into Ethan’s eyes. ‘No.’ I cancelled the call and put my phone away. ‘No, I want to walk home with you.’
Ethan didn’t say anything, but he held out his hand and I took it. We walked out of Juliette’s building together. Ethan’s fingers threaded through mine were warm, and they felt like they belonged in mine. It was comfortable, familiar, like we always walked holding hands. But they made me nervous too. Especially after that call from Joe. I had once imagined I belonged with him.
I stole glances at Ethan as we strolled in silence to our apartment. He smiled across at me. Relaxed, easy. Like this was nothing to be worried about. I felt calmer instantly. Being with Ethan was like putting drops of Rescue Remedy on your tongue.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked me. ‘About Joe calling you?’
‘I don’t understand why he was,’ I said. ‘I wish he hadn’t. Especially tonight.’ I wished I could stop myself from wondering what he was going to say to me. But it was there. I tried to focus on Ethan again. I knew that was the best thing for me.
‘This is complicated,’ Ethan said, shaking his head, but he kept hold of my hand as we reached our building. We walked up to our apartment and Ethan held the door open for me. He followed me inside and turned on a light. We took off our jackets and tossed them aside. And then we faced each other.
‘I don’t want him to come between us,’ I blurted out.
‘He’s already there though, isn’t he? I only first saw you because he brought you into that bar. I’m only here with you because of him…’ Ethan paused and walked to the sofa and sank down into it. ‘I wish we had met in a bar without him and that I’d been brave enough to walk up to you and tell you that you are beautiful, say sexy things in French to you, take you home and…’ He trailed off and my imagination went wild instantly.
What would he have done? What would I have wanted him to do?
I swallowed hard. ‘You were chatting up someone tonight.’
Ethan shook his head. ‘No. She came up to me. I have no idea why.’
‘Ethan, you know why. She was clearly flirting with you.’
‘I don’t think so…’
There it was. The same insecurities as me. I wanted him to know he didn’t need to feel that way even if I found it hard not to myself. ‘Don’t act like you don’t know you’re cute as hell.’
He raised an eyebrow. ‘I didn’t realise I was. Or that that’s what you thought.’
‘Do you like that I think that?’
‘Tessa,’ he groaned, like I was causing him pain.
‘We’re not here together because of Joe,’ I said firmly. ‘Juliette made me see. When I walked in and saw you here, I could have run back home. Or you could have.’ I went over and sat down next to him. ‘But we didn’t, did we?’
‘I liked the idea of getting to know you,’ Ethan said. ‘I wanted to help you. I still do. I don’t want you to ever be hurt again.’ Hereached out and squeezed my hand. ‘And yeah, I like hearing that you think I’m cute. That you like my eyes and find it sexy when I speak in French. But I also know that you’re not looking for anything right now. And I don’t want to get hurt. And I sure as hell don’t want to hurt you. Maybe I should go and stay with Juliette. Maybe staying here, you and me, just isn’t a good idea.’
‘But I thought you wanted to kiss me too,’ I said, confused.
‘God, I do. There just seems to be a hell of a lot of reasons why we shouldn’t.’