Page 32 of Scarred Heart

“Why do you want it to?”she countered.

“You can’t mean that.”

“I absolutely do.”I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a hand, “Listen to me before you start throwing your ego around.This is not some new hobby for you to become interested in.I’m not going to have you becoming part of her life and making her care about you, only for you to disappear when you get bored or something more interesting comes along.”

Again, not surprising.If anything, she was more predictable than I expected.That didn’t mean I wanted to hear her talk down to me like I was some slug.“I’m insulted you think I would do that.”

“Here’s the thing,” she fired back in a loud, fierce whisper from the other side of the breakfast bar.“This isn’t about you.It’s not about what I think of you.It’s not about our past.It’s about looking ahead to the future, mapping out possible outcomes, and doing everything I can to prevent the shitty ones.So I have to say to myself, what’s the worst possible way this might turn out?Then, I do everything I can as her mother to avoid it.”

Glancing toward the hallway, she continued, “After watching her with you, the worst possible way this could turn out would be for you to show an interest in her and then walk away.It would be one thing if you did it right now because she doesn’t know who you are.If you ever want her to know you, to really know you, you need to commit.”

The only sound for a long time was that of her breathing.It must have taken a lot to get through that.I wasn’t the only one who had done a lot of thinking lately.“Is that it?”I finally asked.“Because I’ve been putting plans together this week and thought you’d like to hear them since you’re all about commitment.Nothing’s set in stone.It’s all completely flexible.I thought you would want to have a say in things.”

“That’s generous of you, giving me a say in things, but what are we talking about?”

“Financial planning,” I explained.“A means of providing for Hannah for the rest of her life.I’d set you up as trustee, giving you the power to control her money until she comes of age.”

What did I expect?Not profuse thanks.I knew better.Something more than the disdain she shot me, though.“Wow.That’s not even remotely what I was talking about.”

“Why do you have to sound so combative?”

“Why do you have to butt in where I didn’t ask you to be?”She stepped into the hall and held up a finger, cocking her head toward Hannah’s room.Exercising the superhuman hearing that seemed to come with being a mom.

Once she was satisfied it was safe to continue, she turned to me with her arms folded.“Well?Answer the question.”

If she’d been grilling anyone but me, her attitude would’ve gotten me rock-hard.She was smoking hot even in bare feet, with a small ice cream stain on her pale green blouse.I pulled my attention from it and stood, hands on my hips.“A man has the right to provide for his kid.It’s bad enough I only found out about her.You can’t expect me to stand back and act like I don’t know she exists.I’m going to provide for her.”

Her lashes fluttered as she stammered, sounding a little softer when she spoke again.“I understand how you feel, and I appreciate it, but I can provide for her.I’m not exactly doing badly for myself.”

Only reminding myself Hannah would be able to hear kept me from losing it.Why did she have to be so fucking stubborn?“Would you stop letting your pride get in the way?What’s wrong with me wanting to set up a college fund for her?”

“You said trust,” she pointed out.“Now we’re talking about a college fund?”

“We’re talking about whatever I say we’re talking about,” I growled out.Fuck being the bigger person.“Why wouldn’t you want to give her the best possible start in life?I’m not asking for anything in return but knowing I gave her everything I could.Especially since…”

Arching an eyebrow, she asked, “Especially since what?”

“You never planned on telling her about me, did you?”

That got her.Her invisible barriers dropped.She touched a palm to her forehead before running her hand through her hair.The energy between us shifted, softened.“Spencer, until a week ago, I thought you deserted me.You hired somebody to draw up an agreement that guaranteed I would never bother you again.I mean, there’s rejection, and there’s a binding legal agreement.Can you understand why I wouldn’t be in a hurry to tell Hannah all about the magic of how she came to be?”

Now that she put it that way, it seemed fairly obvious.“All right, point taken.”

“And to be honest with you, I don’t know that I want my daughter involved with a family where there are people capable of the sort of shit your father and his lawyer did to me.”

“Let’s get one thing straight.”Her head snapped back at my sudden change in tone, but I wasn’t about to apologize.She needed to understand.“He willneverhave anything to do with her.He was in such a hurry to pretend she didn’t exist?Fine.He will never be fortunate enough to speak to her.Do you think I’m lying?”

“No.”There was no hesitation.“I don’t think you’re lying.And I understand you wanting to put money aside for her, and I think that is a good idea.But understand me… this isn’t going to be a tit-for-tat situation.You provide her college fund so that gives you leverage over me or like a louder voice when it comes to making decisions.Do you see what I mean?”

I did, and I was a little disappointed.This was a possibility I hadn’t considered.That she might kick me in the balls or as good as.My pride stung as much as my balls would have.“You think I would do that?”

“How the hell would I know?”she whispered.“This is all new.Everything’s changed.And yeah, we had six great months together, but that’s all we had.I don’t know you well enough to know what to expect, and…” she sighed as the fight drained from her, “… and I’m a little scared.I don’t know what’s going to happen.I guess I feel like I did at first, back then.Everything is new all of a sudden.I have to relearn the rules.”

Her lips drew into a thin line as she turned away, wrapping her arms around herself and going back to the kitchen.I followed her into the spotless space.“Do you have somebody come in to do the cleaning?”I asked since it hardly looked like the room was ever used.It was that clean.

She looked around, letting out a soft laugh.“I clean when I’m stressed.I’ve been doing a lot of it this week.”

Did that mean this clean room was thanks to me?I was about to ask the question when she shut the cabinet door hard, her head hanging low.“I was going to make tea, and I don’t even have tea.What the hell is wrong with my head?”

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