Page 22 of Scarred Heart

She would after tonight.

8

ROWAN

“Please, can you go faster?”I knew the answer was no.The cab driver couldn’t risk getting pulled over, or worse, because some weeping, shaking wreck of a woman begged him to floor the gas pedal.

I sank back against the vinyl seat, covering my eyes with one trembling hand.The truth was out.He knew.What happened next?I couldn’t worry about that when it took everything in me not to throw up what little dinner I managed to eat earlier.What if that guy had gotten in without being scared off?

What if he…

Stop it.

Playing ‘what if’ was a waste of time.Hannah was fine—a little shaken up after she heard her aunt shouting in the living room, but she had been tucked in bed with the door closed when everything happened.She was only upset now because Rhiannon was upset.Things could have gone a lot worse.

Calling the police when I wasn’t there would only make her more upset.I had to believe I made the right choice as the cab pulled to a stop in front of my building.I rushed through paying before bolting from the car and running for the entrance, taking the stairs to the fifth floor rather than waiting for the elevator.My baby was up there, and she needed me.I had already wasted enough time with Spencer.

“It’s me,” I called out between ragged breaths after knocking on the door.Rapid footsteps sounded on the other side, the chain slid, and the door opened.

“Mommy?”Hannah was wide-eyed, her long hair a little mussed from bed as she ran for me, holding out her arms.I dropped to my knees before she crashed into me hard enough to almost knock me over, burying her face in my neck.“I was so scared.”

“I am so sorry that happened, sweetheart.You’re okay.Everything is all right now.”My sister, meanwhile, was biting her nails, shifting her weight from one foot to the other as she watched us from in front of the window overlooking the street.She had been looking for me.

“What should we do?”she whispered while I rocked Hannah and tried to see my way through the tangle of thoughts, fears, and questions bouncing around inside my skull.What if… who was he… was he coming back…

One thing was obvious.“I don’t think you should spend the night here, sweetie,” I whispered in Hannah’s ear, stroking her back.Her tiny hitching breaths were painful to hear.“I can’t get the door fixed until morning, and I wouldn’t feel safe with you here if I can’t lock it.”

“But then you won’t be safe,” she whimpered, clinging to me.

“I’ll be just fine.I’m going to call the police and make a report, and then I’m going to have to be here first thing in the morning for the repairman.I’m going to look up alarm companies, too, and have a system installed.We’re going to be so safe here.Don’t you worry.”

Looking at Rhiannon, I asked, “Can you take her to Mom and Dad’s?”

“Of course.”She looked relieved now that she had a definite plan and jumped into action, grabbing her purse and phone.

“You can come back tomorrow,” I promised Hannah, kissing her forehead and cheeks, which tasted slightly salty.She’d done a lot of crying.My poor, sweet baby.

“Come with me,” Hannah begged while fresh tears swam in her big, blue eyes.God, she looked so much like Spencer sometimes.It was hard to breathe, especially now when he was more than a memory.His face was clear in my mind’s eye, making it obvious that she shared his nose and chin.The same little lines appeared between her eyebrows when they came together in confusion or frustration.

“I promise I will see you in the morning,” I whispered, tucking her hair behind her ears.“I’ll come and pick you up myself just as soon as the door is fixed, and we’ll spend the whole day together.So long as I know you’re safe in bed, I’ll be just fine.”

“Come on, sweetie.”Rhiannon squeezed Hannah’s shoulder.“I’ll stay over too.We’ll make pancakes in the morning.”

What a time for jealousy to stir in my gut.I should have been the one making pancakes with my daughter in the morning.Somebody had to be here, though, and the property manager had a tendency to go MIA on the weekends.I couldn’t trust anybody but myself.

“I’ll see you in the morning.I promise.”I kissed her cheeks again and forced a smile along with false warmth and enthusiasm in my voice.She ran a hand under her nose but begrudgingly put on her shoes and got her backpack from her room.

“I don’t like leaving you here alone,” Rhiannon whispered.“What if he comes back?”

“He’d be stupid to come back tonight, whoever he is.”Besides, I knew something she didn’t know, something Hannah didn’t know.I wasn’t about to take any chances—she was a smart, responsible kid, but plenty of responsible kids had ended up injured or worse by guns kept in the home.Mine was in the safe in my bedroom closet, where it had sat ever since I purchased it.I hated the idea of ever having to use it, but that was why it existed.

Letting her go felt a lot like ripping my heart from my chest.I pushed my way through it, waving at them as they left and walked down the hall.Once they disappeared into the elevator, I released the breath I was holding, slumping against the door frame, whimpering now that I was alone.Knowing how worried Hannah would be called up a real, burning pain in my chest.

I had to pull it together.Considering I didn’t have the first clue about the specifics of the situation, calling the cops felt like a wasted effort.They might even be annoyed with me for wasting their time, not that it was my problem, but I didn’t trust myself to be graceful in the face of rude, ignorant cops.I settled for using the chain lock again, then wedging one of the kitchen chairs under the doorknob.

I wouldn’t get a minute of sleep in my room tonight.Instead of trying, I made a bed on the couch, then headed for the bedroom again to get changed.I took my phone with me, waiting for Rhiannon to let me know they had made it home safe.

By the time a message came through, I was in a pair of pajamas and washing the makeup off my face.I quickly rinsed off and reached for the phone, hoping to talk to Hannah before she went to bed for the second time tonight.

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