Page 42 of Iron Unicorn

That might be far enough away, and while my queen would inevitably visit the kingdom, I could find a way to avoid meeting my nemesis. I attempted to avert my eyes, but Roberto moved, making sure I got a good look at the wiggling monstrosity in his hand.

“While you’re definitely phobic, I’m pleased to see you don’t have a direct panic disorder. You’re clearly terrified of it, but you’re retaining rational thought. This is excellent. It means you have a much better prognosis for recovery from your phobia.”

“How comforting.”

“As your palace already has a menagerie, perhaps an emotional support otter? Otters love eating crabs, and you could take a certain amount of delight feeding your new companion.”

“If I have to handle any crabs to feed the otter, I’m going to go with a heartfelt no, Roberto.”

The prince laughed at me. “I am so pleased my father approved me coming on this venture. This is the most fun I’ve had in months. And seeing Olivia get precisely what she deserves? Most excellent.” Roberto checked his phone again. “That’s promising. Your heart rate has already come down sufficiently. Time to get you put into the tank. Do be careful with him. He did have a concussion recently.”

“And pneumonia,” one of Roberto’s accomplices added.

That didn’t stop the bastards from dragging me to the makeshift tank, which still needed to have one wall installed. They shoved me onto a metal chair, which had been bolted to a steel block resting two feet above the floor. Without access to my talent, the metal served as a taunt. “Has anyone told you recently that you’re a jackass, Your Highness?”

Roberto snickered. “Oh, I don’t need to be told it to know it, Terry. Once you see the crabs and other offerings we have brought for your princess, you will know just how much of a jackass I can be. We do need your princess motivated to rescue you, after all. Just be glad I like you. This could be so much worse.”

* * *

To makeit clear what sort of hell waited for me, Roberto left the crab with me before they went to work filling the damned prison up to the steel platform with water. I questioned where they’d gotten access to a warehouse, but I decided against asking. I’d find out eventually. It took me less than a minute to understand that my feet would become submerged once they started adding my worst nightmare to the tank. “Isn’t this going to just kill all the crabs and lobsters? I’m just saying that animal rights activists are going to come for you once they find out about this.”

The whole lot of them laughed at me, and Roberto shook his head. “The water is the appropriate temperature and type for them to live quite happily in. No crabs, lobsters, or shrimp will be hurt during this exposure therapy session—well, not until your princess decides it is time to select her dinner.” Reaching down, the prince snagged a massive crab, one with legs longer than his entire arm. Like the others, it had bands containing its pincers. “This is a gift from Alaska, flown in upon learning we were taking a direct approach with treating your phobia. These king crabs are a present worthy of a princess and her prized man.”

The crab went into the tank, and it scuttled around the ground, likely in search of human flesh to devour.

Because one wasn’t good enough, nine more went into the water.

“How are two people going to eat ten of those things? Why would two people want to eat those things?”

“They don’t eat them live, Terry. You’ll be fine.” The prince reached down into the bushel and pulled out a massive lobster.

I bet the man’s hand could fit into the claw shell without any difficulty.

“I do not want to know the market rate of that demon,” I informed him.

“I recommend that this become a pet. This is an ancient gentlelobster, best suited for breeding and making many other little lobsters.”

“No.”

“I shall have it marked as a gift for your queen.”

“No,” I repeated, well aware if anyone gave my queen a petanything, she would bend over backwards to give it the best home possible. If she gave the lobster a home, I would ultimately be responsible for planning the damned thing’s habitat, security during an emergency, and general care. “No, no, no. Absolutely not.”

The lobster went into the tank, and it shot across the water, likely to escape from the monstrous king crabs taking up an unfortunate amount of space.

As expected, the water level increased as the bastards added more occupants to the tank.

If the creepy-crawly hellhole creatures decided to come visit my feet, there was jack shit I could do about it.

“I just want you to know that revengewillbe coming, Your Highness. Somehow, I will pay you back for this.”

“Perhaps with an invitation to your wedding?”

What an asshole. “While I will acknowledge that it’s probable I have missed certain symptoms due to overexposure to other bonded pairs, I feel like it is a far step to assume there will be a wedding.”

“Terry, you’re in the sights of a Montana princess. Her brother, the king, is as obsessed with weddings as his queen is. I recommend that you come to terms with this at around the same time you come to terms with the next delivery of crustaceans.” The prince reached down into one of the bushels next to him and lifted out another massive lobster. “Maine was not joking around when they sent their gift. These two lobsters alone are worth a king’s ransom.”

It joined the other lobster in the tank, both of which were quite possibly able to devour an entire human within a few minutes. “Murder is illegal in the Royal States,” I reminded the Mexican prince.

---