Page 43 of Iron Unicorn

Roberto checked his phone. “Your heart rate, while elevated, is within acceptable parameters. You’ll be fine. Walk it off.” Then, because his cruelty knew no boundaries, he added six more lobsters, albeit closer to normal sized.

“I would if I could!”

The Mexicans laughed at me, and one of the RPS agents lifted an entire bushel and dumped it into the tank.

Hundreds of small crabs poured out, splashed into the water, and swam for freedom. Were the little crabs like piranha? Thanks to the cuffs shackling my legs to the chair, I had no hope of escaping if they decided to eat through my shoes and start with my toes.

The next bushel contained shrimp, and unlike the crabs, they did not have large claws to wrap bands around, although I was certain they’d find some way to strip the flesh from my bones.

Life would end, not with the expected bang most believed finished off RPS agents, but through being eaten alive by tiny terror demons with many legs.

“Oh, that got your heart rate going nicely. They’re just shrimp, Terry. They’re not going to hurt you. These are delicacies, a gift from Japan. They’re giant tiger prawns. Your princess will adore having them on her dinner plate tonight, I’m sure.”

“I’m sure she’ll just love grilling them while attending my wake.”

Once again, the Mexicans chortled at my commentary. Roberto picked up a rather large bushel, examined it, and laughed. “Australia sends its regards and well wishes for your union with your princess. These are banana prawns.” Hundreds upon hundreds of pale shrimp went into the container, and the lot of them swam off, heading disconcertingly close to the platform. “Don’t worry about the health of your new pets, Terry. We are working some magic to make sure each group has suitable living conditions. Each zone of the tank has different conditions based on what the shrimp, crabs, or lobsters need to be healthy and happy. Really, you could open quite the aquarium in the New York palace. Your queen would love it. I will make certain my father reaches out to offer assistance in setting up an appropriate habitat for your new companions.”

“I don’t know what I did to you to deserve this,” I confessed. “Would apologizing help?”

“You treated a woman I quite admire well and with kindness.”

I heaved a sigh. “No good deed goes unpunished, apparently.”

“You’re being rewarded.”

“I’m being terrorized!”

Snickering, Roberto went for the next bushel, and he dumped even more shrimp into the prison. “Louisiana sends its regards.”

“I’ll make sure to send Louisiana my therapy bill.”

“You’ll be fine,” the prince promised. Instead of dumping the next basket into the tank, he lowered it so it floated on the water. “These are crawdads, also sent from Louisiana. They felt you might appreciate making some proper hot pot.”

Somehow, I would find a way to make the bastards from Louisiana pay. “This is revenge for that RPS competition a few years back, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” all the RPS agents present chorused.

“I’m going todestroythem in the next competition,” I swore.

“And your princess will enjoy watching her silver fox teach the young puppies their manners,” the prince replied. He stepped down to the floor, and with the help of two of his agents, hauled over a wiggling tarp. “You’re going tolovethis present.”

“There is no way I’m going to love whatever is in there.”

While laughing, the bastards poured hundreds upon hundreds of blue crabs into the tank.

I recognized the demonic entities.

The former state of Maryland, a part of New York, had been legendary for their blue crabs, the majority of which were farmed out of the Chesapeake. Every time my queen went to the Maryland area, they insisted on showering her with blue crabs.

My queen more than loved them. She was as crab obsessed as the Marylanders.

Traitors surrounded me, traitors determined to see my end at the claws of crustaceans. “You conspired with New York?”

“Upon learning of the plan to treat your phobia, I felt it prudent to inform members of the New York RPS to make certain you would have appropriate post treatment monitoring. In true New York fashion, they offered this lovely gift.”

What ruthless bastards. “You did this in a single night?”

Roberto smiled. “Oh, no. This has been in the works for several days now. You can thank the Texans later. They are determined to give your princess the fairy tale happily ever after she deserves—and how better to test you than to dunk you directly into your worst nightmare? Should you conquer this, you shall prove worthy of the prize that is Princess Olivia of Montana.”

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