Page 34 of Falling for Provence

Pascal suddenly emerged from the grass with a daisy between his teeth and a look of triumph in those dark, button eyes, and Ellie could feel a smile start with her lips but then spread all the way to her heart. She’d decided it was safe to love this little dog and embrace the joy he was bringing into her life because she knew it was only temporary. What she hadn’t expected was that it would grow strong enough to bringthismuch delight. That, all on its own, was making a significant contribution to the gentle nudge life was giving her to get back to the business of making the most of what it had to offer. To start really living again.

And there it was…

The thought that she might be avoiding something that would take her much closer to embracing life properly. The thought that avoiding intimacy might be having far more of an effect on her mental health than she realised.

That it might be a big mistake to be running away from the opportunity to find out.

Ellie only remembered the book she’d found in the shed much later that day, after she’d spent the rest of the day wrestling with the ivy that was, indeed, hiding a tilting, garage door.

The book had no dust jacket, but embossed onto the fabric of its hard, blue cover was the silver outline of a small sailing boat heading into a sunset, and she had to turn the book to findthe title on its spine. Ellie had never read the classic story ofSwallows and Amazons,but she’d seen the movie a few years ago and remembered it was about a group of unsupervised children who were let loose to have a great adventure.

It felt like a sign. A ‘thumbs up’ for any decisions she was making that could expand the boundaries of her own freedom – like learning to drive on the other side of the road, if they did get the red tin snail going again? Ellie could remember the pride she’d felt when she’d got past the fear of the bats that first night to go up the stairs and find a blanket. In retrospect, that had been something so small, yet it had been a big step into feeling better about herself. About life.

Driving would be a much bigger step.

As for something as huge as being open to getting closer to Julien, even if it was only a kiss… well, that could be…

Big enough to change the whole direction of her life?

Her heart was doing that skipping thing again – missing a beat and then making up for it with a thump and a bit more speed. And, okay, there might be a bit of fear in that reaction, but there was also anticipation. Excitement.

Longing?

A longing to break through the protective barriers she’d been pulling around herself, even if it was just making a window so that she could see what was there?

This felt like an acceptable extension of giving herself permission to enjoy Pascal’s contribution to her new life. Because, even if Julien was interested in exploring the attraction between them, it didn’t have to mean that she was in danger of falling in love with him. Why would she, when she knew that it was only ever going to be a temporary thing?

It didn’t even have to be a ‘thing’, in fact. Just a one-off experience might be all Ellie needed to answer the question of what difference it might make. To remind herself of how it madeher feel. Just that kiss that she’d run away from might have been enough.

Not that she had any way of gauging any interest Julien might have in the idea. How could she, when she’d been avoiding him so successfully since that moment in his office? Perhapshe’dalso been avoiding her?

No. Deep down, Ellie knew that he’d been about to kiss her. And that he’d wanted to just as much as she’d wanted him to. So maybe all she needed to do was to stop avoiding him, and let fate decide what would happen.

And maybe fate had already decided. Pascal suddenly leapt off the couch with a warning bark that made Ellie drop the book she was holding. She was on her feet by the time she saw the figure on the terrace, but she wasn’t alarmed. She knew who it was.

Whotheywere.

Julien wasn’t alone. He put his son gently down on the kitchen floor.

‘Ellie? I need your help. Please?’

12

Perhaps it was the deep breath Julien took before he spoke again that made Ellie’s heart sink so fast. Or the way he gave Theo’s curly hair a reassuring stroke as the little boy turned to wrap his arms around his father’s legs and bury his face.

Theo knew what was coming. Ellie knew what Julien was about to ask of her, and… she couldn’t do it.

She couldn’t believe he would even be thinking of asking her to do it, because… he knew, didn’t he?

She’d been so sure, in those first moments when he had stormed into her life as she was holding Theo in her arms, that somehow, on some level, he’d known as well as she did that she shouldn’t be trusted to keep a child safe. It didn’t matter how many people had told her it wasn’t her fault, there was a part of her soul that refused to believe it.

But Julien’s voice was interrupting the thought even as it formed.

‘My grandmother has had a fall,’ he told her. ‘She’s being taken to a hospital in Nice by ambulance.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope she’s not badly hurt.’

‘We don’t know anything more yet. But I need to be there. My mother needs to be there.’

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