Page 39 of What I've Tasted of Desire

“It’s okay,” he said. “What’s the old s-saying? Try, try again?”

Now he’s just obliging you. Going along because you want to do it. You’re no better than Tom. Just using Alex for your own fulfillment.

“Really, Alex—if it’s going to be triggering or stress you out, I don’t want to do it.”

“M-my whole life is triggering.”

That statement broke my heart. I sighed and turned on the bench to face him. I reached up and touched his sweet face, and he nuzzled into my palm. “I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable or nervous. Especially over something we don’thaveto do. It’s just not worth it. Let’s find some other way to spend the afternoon.”

I leaned over and started to untie the skate I’d just finished securing on my foot. Alex laid his hand on my arm. “No… no. I kinda w-wanna try.”

His eyes were wide open, and he was looking fully at me, wearing a small smile.

“Are you absolutely sure?”

I searched his face, looking for any sign of hesitation. After a moment, he nodded and began lacing up his skates.

“I’ll hold on to you,” I vowed. “If at any point you want to stop, we will.”

I held on to Alex firmly as we entered the ring, staying close to the outer wall so Alex could stabilize himself. We took a very slow pace as Alex got familiar with the feel of the skates on his feet and the blades running against the ice. About halfway through our first loop on the rink, Alex had gained enough confidence to let go of the wall and lean more heavily on my arm.

“You are doing great,” I squeezed his hand in encouragement. I saw the edge of Alex’s mouth curl into a grin, but he kept his eyes laser-focused on his feet.

As we rounded the end of our second lap, my heart stopped, and I felt like I had suddenly been hit by a semi truck. There, coming out of the small bodega tucked into the corner, was the blond boy from the bathhouse. He was walking along the outer edge of the rink, scrolling his phone and sipping coffee from a styrofoam to-go cup. I almost didn’t recognize him with all his clothes on, but there was no doubt in my mind who it was.

He’s gonna see you. He’s gonna see you and lock eyes with you, and Alex is going to notice! He’s gonna know you fucked that boy. A single glance and he’ll question your loyalty for the rest of your lives! GET ALEX OUT OF HERE!

I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. As we came up on the entrance, I slowed down and made a mental effort to not let my voice crack when I spoke. “How about we grab a cup of hot coffee and head back to the hotel?”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up, but he nodded instantly. Was he overly-excited to be done skating, or was it the thought of finally returning to the hotel for somealonetime that had him flushed?

Alex is a healthy, sexually active young man. You are going to have to get over yourself and show him you can satisfy his needs… all of his needs.

We made our way out of the rink and I made quick work of shuffling us out of the area, unsure of the exact direction the blond call-boy had walked. All I knew was I wanted to get Alex out of the vicinity as quickly as possible. Every head of light hair was stoking the panic that had taken light in my chest. My pulse was racing. It was all I could do to stay calm and smile at Alex.

We stopped inside a Starbucks and I ordered a toffee-nut latte. Alex searched over the menu for a moment before simply saying, “same.”

As we turned and walked down the street the hotel was on, my nerves started picking up again.

A flippant comment about taking a bath together didn’t necessarily mean he wanted sex. Alex loves baths. Maybe he wanted to just soak in the tub together. Maybe he brought his swim trunks?

I squeezed Alex’s hand a little tighter to steel my nerves. “Were you serious this morning when you said you wanted to take a bath with me?”

It took Alex a moment to respond. “Yes.”

“Does that mean you would like to sleep with me, Alex?”

I felt my face split into a cheesy grin when Alex’s face turned pink. He was so adorable, but it did make me a little sad that he had to hide with Tom. Or keep everything so quiet that talking about sex between two consenting adults was enough to make him light up like a Christmas tree bulb. It shouldn’t be that way.

“Yes,” he said again, matter-of-factly.

That’s it. He’s said it. No more excuses.

“That’s… really good to hear. I believe that open and honest communication is key.” I glanced over at him. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“N-no.”

“What do you like in bed?”

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