I went to my car and climbed in, and when I sat down, my phone rang. I dug it out of my bag, hoping it was Rose calling me, but it was just the insurance mitigator. I sent it to voicemail, but the overwhelming urge to hear her voice hit me and I just had to try calling her again. I dialed her number, and it rang through to voicemail and I left another message for her, hoping this one would be the one she'd respond to.
"Rose, it's me… Cole. Please call me. I'm sorry for being a jerk. I miss you, and I was hoping you'd be free to talk for a while. I could use a friend."
That was the most honest I could be with her and still keep my privacy. I didn't think I could really feel good about opening up and telling her yet, but I needed the reassurance that we weren't completely over. I didn't want to lose every good thing in my life all at once. God knows, I'd never survive that.
24
ROSE
Igot his messages, all twelve of them. Thirty-two text messages too, but after learning I was pregnant with twins, it was me freaking out now, not him. Cole was ready to discuss whatever it was he was going through, but I was afraid, for my career and for what he'd say. He was clearly stressed about something, and telling him he was going to be a father twice over all at the same time just didn't seem fair.
Not only would he have more weight on his shoulders, but the stress of whatever it was he was dealing with would only make him more on edge. He wouldn't be thinking clearly when I gave him the news, and it would make him react differently than if he were calm.
I just didn't know how much longer I could keep it a secret. I told my mother about the twins and she was thrilled. She wanted to come to Denver immediately and help me prepare, but I told her to wait. Alana and I had several discussions. It was obvious I couldn't raise twins in that little apartment, and she insisted that we could find a bigger place. This entire thing really brought the two of us closer as friends, but I felt like a dead weight. If anormal mom took six weeks off work after birth, what would I do?
I stood in the elevator rising toward the third floor pediatrics and dreading my work shift. I hadn't been as sick lately, and at eleven weeks the doctor told me that was unique, especially with twins. Mom credited her protein smoothie and I credited the depression. I missed Cole. I missed the unique chemistry we had and the connection that seemed so strong, like it'd been established by fate long before we even met.
I missed the smell of his skin and the way he told stupid jokes. I missed his laugh and the way he cradled my cheek when he looked into my eyes. It'd been weeks since we spoke, and even though he was trying to reach out, I just couldn’t.
The elevator doors opened and I walked out onto the floor. The nurses were huddled around the nurses' station with giddy expressions. Pam and Ginny were somewhere else now. I'd requested to be on second shift instead of first so I wouldn’t run the risk of bumping into Cole at all, and so far, it was working, but it meant getting used to a completely different set of coworkers, though Kiki was here.
I strolled up, ready to get my charts and do my rounds, and Kiki grinned at me and nudged me with her shoulder as I reached for the filing cabinet.
"Did you hear the good news?" she asked, and she waggled her eyebrows at me. The other nurses were so happy right now, but I didn't care. There was something weighing me down that even their good news couldn't change.
"No," I mumbled, trying not to sound like a complete spoil sport. I just wanted to focus on getting my job done and keepingmy head down. Then I had to go home and make some tough decisions. I had exactly twenty-one weeks to have a full plan for my future, and the likelihood of my having to move back in with my mom was so high it felt crippling.
"The hospital isn't making cuts. The lawsuit that was pending isn't going through. The patient isn't going to sue Twin Peaks or Premier Health." She beamed and clapped a few times, but even the elimination of that bit of peripheral anxiety I'd been carrying wasn't enough to lighten my mood. I sighed and nodded.
"What happened?" I asked, but I wasn't actually interested in hearing the answer to the question. I just didn't want her to think I was a complete jerk for not caring. Yes, it was a good thing for all the nurses and I was happy about that. Pam was probably over the moon that she wouldn’t have to do my job, but I'd end up giving my job up, anyway. They'd just hire someone else to do it.
"Well, it's bad news for Dr. Silver Fox, that's for sure.” One of the other nurses whose name I didn't know spoke up, and at the sound of Cole's nickname, I jerked my head up, suddenly needing to know.
"What's that?" I asked, and I took a step toward her, swallowing the instant knot in my throat. I didn't understand how the lawsuit being dropped had anything to do with Cole or why it was a good thing for us. How could I ever think of benefitting from something that would harm him?
"He's the idiot who almost killed the patient. The hospital board found him negligent and the patient is suing him instead. So we get to keep our jobs." I winced as the nameless nurse insulted the man I loved and shook my head, backing away. My hand went to cover my mouth, and Kiki looked at me with confusion.
"Are you okay?" she asked, and I felt so sick I might throw up even though the last time I'd actually thrown up was days ago.
"Uh, fine," I told her, glancing at the clock. It was only a few minutes after four and if I hurried, I might make it to his office on time. I knew the reasons now that he'd been so overwhelmed and ready to bite my head off. He was getting sued for malpractice and I never put two-and-two together. I felt like a total idiot.
I turned abruptly, ignoring the fact that I had a job to do, and rushed to the elevators. I rode it down to his floor and burst out of the carriage as soon as the doors opened. The messages he left played in my mind on repeat. He'd said he needed a friend, and I ignored them because I was afraid of what my secret might do. Now definitely wasn’t the time to tell him about twins, but I felt so bad for leaving him alone while he was suffering like this.
His light was on in his office, and his blinds were closed so I couldn’t see in, but I knew he was in there. I didn't even knock. I opened the door and walked right in and saw him collecting his things as if he were ready to leave.
"Rose?" he said, surprised to see me, and I shut the door behind myself and shook my head as I walked up to him.
"I'm so, so sorry, Cole." I touched both of his cheeks and almost felt like crying. "I had no idea." Any thought of my stress or worries was gone, and all I was thinking about was him.
“Sorry?" he asked, and he looked confused.
"I know. The nurses told me. I'm sorry I haven’t been here for you." My eyes searched his expression as it softened, and then I pressed a kiss to his lips. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Cole's forehead furrowed and he put his hands on my hips. "I didn't want you to think less of me. I guess I ended up making that happen anyway, huh?" His eyes were stormy, and I smiled at him.
"I don't think any less of you, and I want to hear it all, but right now I need you to know how sorry I am. If I'd have known, I'd have been here." I kissed him again, not even caring whether someone walked in. I knew how precarious our situation was, and even more so now that it was complicated by his lawsuit and my secret, but when someone you love is suffering, you do what you have to do to help them.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you," he said softly, and I kissed him again.