Page 40 of Christmas in His Arms

"Your turn, Ryan," Walt barked in his normal serious tone. I was glad to see the heavy negative emotions he had experienced after the stroke were finally lifting. Maybe it was Christmas, or maybe he'd been touched by the near-death experience.

I stood from my relaxed position on the couch and walked over to the tree, which now had no gifts beneath it except the oneI brought with me. I'd been planning this for a while and had it stored in the trunk of my car for the past few weeks already wrapped and ready to go. It wasn't an afterthought at all. It was something I meant to do ten years ago, but Walter's stroke only made me realize how much I'd procrastinated.

I picked the gift up and handed it to Walter. It was a bit heavy so I laid it across his knees and he smiled up at me. "This is for the family," I told him, nodding. Then I took my spot on the sofa at the opposite end from Carrie. The gap between us was a buffer, but it did little to chill the heat I felt brewing for her again. We had so much to talk about but not the privacy to have that conversation.

Walter carefully tore the paper off the gift box and slid the lid off. His eyebrows rose, then his eyes narrowed as he leaned in to look it over. I'd had one of our local woodworkers hand carve a family crest for him. It was solid maple, stained the same color as their dark mahogany mantel. It had two swords crossed on it, surrounded by different symbols I thought matched Walter's personality and leadership in his family and the town—a wolf, a lion, and a bear. He smiled at it and looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

"This is very special…" He nodded as he spoke and blinked back the tears. He was like that—so manly he'd never cry over something like this. But after seeing the fight in him to come back following that stroke, I knew it was time to do this.

"You're welcome, Walt." I shook his hand and felt the satisfaction in my chest of a job well done.

Walter passed the shield to Helen, then Carrie, and both of them remarked how thoughtful of a gift it was. We spoke briefly about the crest and the symbol it would be for several generations now,and that made Walter smile. I thought for a second that he'd bring up grandchildren, but he yawned and looked to Helen.

"I'm getting tired, hun. Can we get some rest?" Walter glanced at me, then Carrie, and smiled softly. "I’m sure you two can entertain yourselves for a while. Maybe catch a Christmas movie? Ryan, thank you for the gift. That was quite thoughtful. How about you ask the guys to come over for poker on Saturday?"

"I'd love that," I told him, and Helen was looking at her watch.

"Dear, it's only eight p.m. You're already tired?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"I'm so tired, I might need you to come to bed with me." I saw a hint of mischief in Walt’s expression, and whether he was hinting at he and Helen having some alone time or something deeper, I didn't know. But the nod and the knowing look he gave me before one more time looking at Carrie told me something was brewing in his mind. "Good night, Carrie."

"Night, Dad." Carrie squirmed under her father's gaze, but my heart felt relaxed now. I'd seen that look in Walt's eyes before and I couldn't quite place it, but it almost felt like he was drawing Helen away for a reason—to give Carrie and me privacy.

We remained silent as Helen wheeled Walt out of the room and waved goodnight to us. She didn't look happy to be retiring so early on Christmas Eve, but when Walt spoke, she listened. When they were out of the room, I angled my body on the couch to face Carrie and draped an arm along the backrest. I couldn’t reach her, but I wasn't trying to. I just wanted to be more comfortable.

"So…" I didn't know how to start the conversation.

"So," she repeated, looking down at her hands. She was wringing them, then picking at her fingernails, telltale signs that she was feeling anxious. She had no reason to be now. It was me who should've been anxious. I had been a total ass to her, not listening, not giving her space to explain, not even caring to hear her excuses.

"I'm sorry," I told her, and I inched forward on the sofa.

"No, I'm sorry. I should've just told you the minute I knew." Her cheeks were red now. She licked her lips, and when she looked up at me, she had tears in her eyes. "Ryan, I still have to go to Chicago."

"Shh… Let's not talk about that right now." I inched closer again. Now my fingers could brush the hair off her shoulder. She didn't shy away.

"But there's this huge job opportunity in New York. For Ogilvy. I can't pass it up." Her pleading expression said more to me than anything. She wanted her career but it was tearing her down the middle.

"Why are you so torn?" I asked her, again creeping forward so that now, my fingers could brush her cheek. She leaned into my touch and sighed.

"I've been telling myself for the past three weeks that you would never want this baby, and after what happened with Kate, I was fully convinced of that. My only hope is to leave this town, Ryan. These people will eat me alive." Her lip quivered as she spoke, and I curled my finger around in her dark tresses.

"Go on," I told her, urging her to pour out her heart.

"What I went through as a teenager… This is only going to be worse. An unwed pregnancy? How would I ever live that down?" She licked her lip again and I scooted closer still. Now our knees were touching. "And my career. I built a huge thing in Chicago. I'm the youngest executive in my division, maybe in the entire firm. I can't give that up."

"I'm sorry," I said again, talking about my reaction. She needed to know how deeply I loved her. She needed to feel it.

"You don't have to apologize, Ryan. Your reaction was normal. I know why you acted that way now." Her face leaned into my palm, and I brushed my thumb over her cheekbone.

"I love you, Carrie, and I’m ready to take on the entire world for you." This wasn't going to be a good topic, but I had to say it to her. She had to know what she was giving up by chasing a career over love. "Look at how close you've gotten with your parents again over everything…"

Her eyes waxed nostalgic, and tears filled them again. Her shoulder bobbed, and she looked away, so I closed the gap, taking her into my arms and holding her against my body.

"Your parents love you. I would do anything in the world for you. You don't want to raise a baby alone hundreds or thousands of miles away." I sighed hard. "Stay with me."

Carrie sniffled and laid her head on my shoulder and let me hold her, right here on her parents' couch where any second, Helen could walk out and see us. I didn't even care anymore. She was the only thing that mattered.

"What will people say, Ryan? A baby out of wedlock? Me dating a man almost my father's age?" I knew how frightful that could be.But there was something scarier than that—dying alone. I didn't want to do that. I wanted her.

---