Page 24 of Christmas in His Arms

"Of course, Carrie. We're best friends, or we used to be. You know I would never tell a soul anything you asked me to keep private. I still haven’t told anyone it was you who drew on the girls’ locker room mirror with lipstick." She snickered and passed me her last tissue, and I finally felt like I could stop crying.

"Well, first of all, before I even came to Chicago…" I hesitated, knowing how this would affect town gossip if she let it slip. The rumors would be even worse then.

"What is it?"

"Well, I'm pregnant—and before you jump to any conclusions, it's not Ryan's." I bit my lower lip as her eyebrows rose and decided it was best to just rip the bandage off because I needed someone in this godforsaken town to tell me I wasn't a horrible person and give me advice. "And yes, I'm sleeping with Ryan, butno one can know. And my dad will kill me, not to mention the town gossip, and Ryan is so much older than me and?—"

"Whoa… whoa… Slow down," she said, leaning in again. She took her own deep breath and again looked around the dining area. "Does Ryan know?" She didn't sound judgmental or harsh. In fact, she sounded compassionate and sympathetic.

"No, why would I tell him? It's definitely not his. I missed my period a while back, and I've been sick. He and I have only had sex twice, and there's no way it could've been him. I had this one-night stand in Chicago…" I gave her a pleading look. I felt so vulnerable sharing my dirty secrets.

"Oh, honey," she cooed. She shook her head and squeezed my hand again. "I don't know if Ryan left Kate or if the miscarriage drove her to such grief that she left him, but what I do know is that Ryan made it clear to everyone he knew that he didn’t want children. It wasn't even gossip. When they had the wake for the baby, he wasn't even crying. He told people it didn't affect him. He just wanted Kate to feel better. He never wanted kids."

My heart squeezed at the thought of Ryan losing a baby, even one he didn't want. And then I thought of how he'd react if he knew I was pregnant. Sure, we weren't publicly an item yet, and I still intended to go back to Chicago, so there was very little chance we ever would be, but if I told him, would it make him think differently of me? Would he end the fling now?

I got stuck in my head, but Lisa wanted to talk more. "So, how serious is this? Between you and Ryan, I mean."

I took a huge gulp of air that made my lungs expand all the way. The pressure in my chest felt good, like it was stretching anxious muscles.

"We haven’t really talked about it. He did ask me if I'd consider staying here and not go back to Chicago. I think for him, it's more serious." It was so serious for me too, but I couldn't tell her that. Saying it out loud would only make it hurt more when it didn't happen. Ryan didn't want kids. He'd never want me now. "But would you want to stay here—with the way the town is treating me, I mean?"

She shook her head sadly. "No, honey, I wouldn't, but it sounds like he's getting attached to you. It's going to hurt him pretty badly when you leave if you don't make it clear to him what you want. And while I'll never tell you that screwing him is wrong or shameful on your part simply because you're a woman, I do think it's wrong to toy with a man's heart.

"What will he do when you really leave but he's head over heels for you? And how will he feel if he finds out later on that you had a baby? He'll freak out and think it's his. You'll have a whole paternity nightmare to deal with. It's best to just be honest with him." Lisa sipped her coffee again and tucked the plastic tissue wrapper back into her purse.

I knew she was right. I just didn’t want to admit it. I had to tell Ryan right away so I wasn't leading him on. It was the honest thing to do. I didn't want him to be hurt by it, but I figured he already would be. He and I clicked so well, but with the way the town was treating both of us, my return to Chicago was the only option. And if I just ended things before they got any more intense, it would save us both a lot more heartache.

"Thank you," I told Lisa.

"Honey, you don't have to thank me. That's what best friends do. And let me tell you, if Ryan?—"

My phone started ringing loudly, and I missed what Lisa was saying as I looked down at the screen from where it lay on the table. It was the hospital's number, with "Evergreen Memorial" in bold letters across the screen.

Fear shot through my chest like a bullet, and I swiped to answer and picked it up, ignoring Lisa's rambling.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Bennett?" a voice asked.

"Yes, this is she."

"Ms. Bennett, this is Carol Welsh from Evergreen Memorial. Your father's had an accident and he's at the hospital. Your mother requested that we call you. Her phone is dead."

I was already standing as the woman continued talking. I shook my head at Lisa, offering a worried look, and whispered, "I have to go. It's Dad."

With everything going on, I hadn't even been paying as close of attention to my aging father as I should've been. I came home to help Mom with his care, and I'd spent my time wrapped up in town pageantry and Ryan Hawthorne. If he was having another stroke, I'd never forgive myself.

18

RYAN

Istood across the hospital room from Carrie yet again and watched her agonizing over Walter, who lay in bed a bit more peacefully than the last time he was here. Helen sat on one side of the bed and Carrie on the other. Both of them had one of his hands in theirs and they both talked with him soothingly.

"You really scared us," Helen told him in a chiding tone, but it was loving. I understood their panic. When I heard Walter had been rushed in again, I thought the worst too.

"I thought you had another stroke." Carrie sounded tired and emotional. I'd gotten to know her different moods pretty well, and I wished she'd just open up and talk to me about them. We hadn't spoken in days, and I could only blame myself. She was upset with my reaction to Beth's comments.

"So did I," Walter joked. It was good to see him in a lighthearted mood. "It's just a bruised hip, though. Went down so quickly, I didn't have a chance to catch myself. Guess I need the wheels a bit longer."

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