Page 21 of Christmas in His Arms

"Geez, Care Bear, you're gettin' more action than me and that's saying something." Ethan snorted when he laughed, and I had to shush him.

"I'm in the grocery store, Ethan," I chided, and he only snickered more.

I was caught up in the conversation and hadn't realized how long we'd been talking. I started the call when I left home and just never hung up when I walked into the store. My cart was one of the small ones, and it was half-full of flour, sugar, eggs, oil, and vanilla. I just had to find the shortening and I'd be able to leave.

"So, when are you seeing him again?" Ethan asked, and before I could answer, I heard the self-righteousharrumphof a very sour-looking woman.

Judy Baker stared at me over her cart which very nearly crashed into mine as I rounded the corner to head back to the baking row. My pitstop in the refrigerated section had been premature, and I had to double back to get the shortening.

"Uh, sorry," I told her.

"Well, you should be ashamed of yourself," she hissed, and her face contorted into a dirty glare. I wasn't unused to it, but it still shocked me when it happened, how people could be so rude and insulting.

"Uh, Ethan, I'll call you back." I didn't even wait for him to respond. I just hung up the call and shoved my phone into my pocket with my debit card. The jeans were a little tight and I struggled to fit it in my pocket, but when I did, I tried to maneuver my cart away from Ms. Baker’s. I didn't want a scene. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" she said with as much hostility as she could muster. It was an overdramatic act, but I tried to stay calm and polite. This gang of no-good, nosy gossip hounds only got more worked up and encouraged by a negative reaction. "You should be so ashamed of yourself. You ruined your father's reputation once already. Now look at you, sneaking around with a man twice your age."

I scoffed and backed up my cart a few feet and glared at her. "What are you talking about?" I was defensive and angry, but only because she was right. The fact was, however, that she knewnothing. As far as this town was concerned, Ryan was helping my family.

"And look at the way you think it's okay to do it too. Don't you have any conscience at all? Your father just had a stroke." Judy narrowed her eyes on me, and I clenched my jaw.

"You have no clue what you're talking about, and you should keep your mouth shut," I told her, but I knew if I stayed to defend myself any more, I'd end up making a bigger mess of things. They didn't know what was happening. Ryan and I were perfectly professional and friendly in public, except for that kiss at the tree farm, but that was out of town. No one there saw us. It meant Judy was up to her old tricks—spreading rumors.

I pushed my cart out of the aisle as quickly as I could, then got my shortening and went to the registers. My hands shook a little as I unloaded the cart onto the belt. I just wanted the cashier to ring me up and let me get out of here, but she was smiling and friendly, wanting to chat. I gave her one-word answers and paid as fast as I could, but I still managed to end up taking too long. Judy was in line behind me and gave me a death glare as I put my bags into my cart and slipped out.

Being back in town hadn't been as bad as I thought it would be until just now. That was just a harsh reminder of how nasty the people of Evergreen Falls could be and just what I'd be dealing with if I stuck around. It strengthened my resolve as I thought of how to tell my parents I was pregnant. They'd have to see how difficult it would be if I even thought of moving back home.

I unloaded my cart into the back seat of Mom's car and put the cart in the return spot. Then I got into the car and felt my phone vibrate.

I didn't bother taking it out. It was probably Ethan asking if everything was okay, and I had to stay calm to get myself home safely. At the house, my stomach was rolling with anxiety nausea, which wasn't very different from morning sickness, though I'd figured out that if I ate a few crackers before I got out of bed, my mornings were much easier. This, however, was gut-sick from nerves and fear.

I carried the groceries inside, and Mom took them from my hands with a smile. "Ready to make some cookies?" she asked, and I pulled the gloves off my shaking hands, stuffing them into my coat pockets.

"I might want to lie down a bit. I'm not feeling so well. Maybe it's my blood sugar or something." I lied to keep her off my back, but she looked concerned.

"Should I call the doctor?" She reached out to touch my forehead, but I knew I didn't have a fever.

"No, I think I just need rest." I forced a smile and grabbed a banana off the counter before darting upstairs to let my jitters loose.

The banana got parked on my nightstand, and I kicked off my shoes and did a few stretches before jumping up and down a few times. The adrenaline from that interaction just wouldn’t shut off. I didn't know how to calm myself down. Just the fact that people were talking about me was bad. I didn't want those rumors getting back to Mom and Dad because if they even believed them for a second, I'd never be able to lie and deny it. And denial was the only chance Ryan had of having a normal life here anymore at all.

My phone buzzed again, and this time, I knew I had to check it. But when I pulled it out expecting texts from Ethan, I saw they were from Ryan instead.

I curled up on my bed and opened the messaging app to read them.

Ryan 10:27 AM: Hey beautiful. I was thinking, and I want you to read this before you make a snap decision… What would you say to my asking you to stay in Evergreen Falls?

The next message had been sent almost twenty minutes later. I hadn’t responded because I was driving and I thought it was Ethan, but now I was even more glad I hadn't looked at it. I hoped Ryan's messages would've brought comfort, not more anxiety.

Ryan 10:44 AM: I know it's not big and ritzy like Chicago, but your parents are here, and I could help you get a great job. Maybe you can start your own marketing firm. I really like you, Carrie, and I want to be with you, not just have a fling. Consider it for a while… then let me know?

I stared at the phone screen and felt my eyes welling up with tears. Ryan had no clue I was pregnant with another man's baby and he was such an amazing man. My heart was too far gone. I was already in love with him fully and completely, and I knew I couldn’t have him. When I heard Mom say that thing about his not wanting kids, I knew I had no shot.

If he didn't want to have kids of his own, he definitely wouldn't want to raise a kid who wasn't his. And even if he did, this town was a black hole. Reputations died here, and I'd fought too hard to break away.

I lay there crying because Mr. Right was begging me to be with him and I knew it could never work out. I'd never have what I wanted, and it was only me to blame.

16

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