Page 28 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

"She is? No Dad?"

"None listed," Dr. Butler grunted and continued. “I can show you to the room and introduce you. I have the CT and MRI results up in the radiology review room too. When we are done briefing the family, we'll go there so you can prepare your plan for surgery."

He led and I followed. We chatted about the boy's medical past previous to this, and I agreed that with his blood pressure a little unstable, waiting a week or two for new medications to control it was a good idea, given the hernia didn't seem too dangerous. Now we were at the point it had to be done, and I was glad they called me. This would be a touchy surgery.

When he opened the door and pulled back the curtain, however, I was shocked. No—shocked didn't begin to touch what I was. Horrified? Dumbstruck? Sick to my stomach?

Lily sat in a chair next to the bedside of the little boy who was so pale he looked like a ghost. I walked in and stood at the foot of his bed and studied his perfect face. Dimpled chin like hers, thin, petite lips, a mop of brown chestnut curls all identical to his mother, who held his hand, kissing it as he slept.

"Dr. Matthews, this is Lilian Carter, M.D. She's a pediatrician here at Mountain View, and this is her little boy, Noah." Dr.Butler gestured, but I was so speechless I couldn’t even fumble out a greeting.

Lily's Mother stood in the corner of the room too, watching, mouth covered by a hand. I didn't see her father, but my vision was blurred, affected by the physical symptoms of shock. Four-year-old son? She was gone for almost five years. That's four years to be alive and almost one year of pregnancy… Could this be…?

"Dr. Matthews?" Dr. Butler said, and I blinked hard and snapped out of it.

"Uh, yes. Dr. Carter." I nodded at her and then opened the file, trying to focus on anything but the million questions in my head. "Tell me what happened to escalate the hernia." I wanted to handle this professionally, but my heart was hammering against my ribcage. Lily had a son she never told me about?

"Well, he was napping and I left home to stop by a friend's house…" Her voice trailed off for a second, and my gaze met hers. I saw the sparkle of tears in her eyes and knew I was that friend whose house she visited. "He woke up and Mom was watching him. He never told her he was awake. He jumped on the bed, and Mom found him and scolded him, but the damage was done."

She looked terrified, and I felt terrified for her. I also felt selfish for having the feelings I was having in the wake of such a huge situation for her. I loved her. I had to focus.

"And what did you experience since that point?"

Lily began to explain every symptom Noah had exhibited since and how they went to St. Anne's. I questioned in my head why she went there, but there was no reason. Nothing made sense. They were a smaller, less-well-equipped hospital. She had to have been hiding something, or someone, from me. That was why she didn't want him to come here. She didn't want me to see him.

Getting through the consultation challenged me to my core, but I made it. I felt like my face tone probably matched the sick boy in bed, who might be my son. I was upset and anxious, probably pale. I asked all the questions I could think I might need to know answers to and then excused myself with a promise to meet Dr. Butler in the radiology review room.

I had to get out of the room and breathe. I needed to put distance between me and Lily. The way I was feeling was not conducive to a safe surgery. My emotions were too heightened, too overwhelming to do this alone. I stepped into the hallway and paged Dr. Adams who I knew very well could also perform this, though he might want advice. We'd have to do it as a team, because if my gut was right, it wasn't even legal for me to operate on that little boy.

Dr. Adams responded with an affirmative and gave me a five-minute window to try to relax. I stepped around the corner and ran a hand through my hair and took a deep breath. The boy looked like her, not me. There was no evidence that he was mine. It was very possible that after I hurt her, she ran off and had rebound sex and wound up pregnant. We were usually very careful, though we did have a few times we thought we might have been irresponsible. But she would have told me, right?

I pressed my eyes closed and leaned my head against the wall. She would have told me. I kept repeating the words in my head over and over, trying to convince myself that the woman I loved would never have lied to me about something so important.

"Ethan, can we talk?"

I opened my eyes to see Lily standing there wringing her hands. She looked terrified, but with what was going on with her little boy, she had plenty of reason to be. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and comfort her, help ease the uncertainty and pain she was having. But I saw hesitancy too, as if she was afraidof me for some reason. As Noah's surgeon, I had to talk to her. I just didn’t know if I wanted to talk about the topic she had in mind.

"Of course," I told her, standing straighter. I pushed off the wall and straightened my tie—the tie she tore off me only a few hours ago.

"Ethan, I've been meaning to tell you since I got back. We had so many times I wanted to say something, and I just got panicked and I couldn’t say it. You were so amazing and loving, and I didn't want you to be upset with me." Her lip quivered and she blinked out a few tears.

"Why would I be upset? So you had a child and didn’t tell me. We are just getting to know each other again, Lily." I resisted the urge to take her hand because all of those words were my own self-reassurance. I was trying to convince myself this wasn't happening because the more she spoke, the more I knew what she was going to say.

"I'm not sure you understand fully." She audibly whimpered and continued. "Ethan, Noah isn't just my little boy."

"Please, Lily…" I willed her not to say it, not to put that in my mind before the most important surgery of my life.

"I have to, Ethan. You have to know. I need you to know and I need you to understand. I never meant to hurt you." She started sobbing, and I couldn’t take it. My heart broke, and I reached for her, but the elevator doors behind me opened and I knew it was Dr. Adams.

"He's my son?" I asked in a whisper, and she covered her mouth and sobbed harder, and I knew.

"Hey, now, don't you worry." Dr. Adams walked up with confidence and slapped me on the back of the shoulder. "Matthews and I are on the case, Momma. Your little guy is going to be A-okay and we'll get him all patched up." The manhad no clue what was going on between us or how hard this would be for me. But I had to do it.

"We have to go get ready, Dr. Carter." My tone was calm and even, but she winced as if I were chastising her. I didn't have time to discuss it further. The OR was booked and we had to review the imaging results before we cut into my little boy's body to hopefully repair it.

"Go on back and be with him while we prepare. We'll come get him when it's time." Dr. Adam's cool bedside manner made Lily scowl, and she retreated and then he turned to me. "Moms, huh? All the emotion." He turned toward the elevators and said, "You coming?"

I stared after her for a moment with no breath in my lungs.

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