Page 20 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

I shook his hand. "Dr. Matthews… Thomas is my father. This is my mother, Barbra." I nodded at Mom, who didn't even look up or try to smile. She had tears in her eyes and was trying to put on a brave front.

"Well, this is a cut and dry diagnosis. He has two breaks in his hip area—a femoral neck fracture and one on the ilium. The ilium will heal on its own as long as he's careful, but the hip is going to need rods or he'll never walk again." The pronouncement was about as bad as it got.

I turned to look at my dad and wondered if he would come out of this or not. "Thanks, Doc. I think we'd like a minute alone to discuss this."

"Of course, take the time you need. I'll be available if you have questions. We'll get him admitted as soon as possible." The doctor left the room, and I stood next to Dad's bed on the opposite side as Mom. She sniffled and looked up at me and smiled.

"When you love someone, you care for them even in their sickness…" Her thoughtful comment made me think of Lily and whatever was going on with her. Mom hadn't caused Dad's hip to break, but she was here to help him. I had caused Lily’s heart to break, and it made me feel awful. I had to be there to help her even when she lashed out at me in anger. It was the right thing.

"You're right, Mom, and we both love him and we'll take care of him." I sat on the edge of the bed and braced myself for her to fall apart. I knew it was coming. I just didn't know when. Until then, all I could do was be a strong, steady presence to reassure her and help her. And it was good practice for when I had to sit next to Lily and take her tongue lashings. She deserved a calm man to love her, and I resolved to let this situation teach me how to be that for her.

Otherwise, I didn't deserve her.

15

LILY

Noah curled into my side and coughed again, a coughing fit that worried me. I'd already been on the phone to his pediatrician twice this morning for suggestions as to what to do, but Dr. Butler's advice was to have Noah rest. It had only been a few days since he ordered the medications, and while Noah's blood pressure issue was under control, his wheezing was getting worse.

"Mommy, I not feel good." His little face was pale, but Dr. Butler insisted we needed a bit more time for the medication to work. He was already researching surgeons and looking for the best specialist for Noah. With my health care plan, the hospital would practically pay for everything anyway. All I cared about was having my son happy and healthy, which right now, he was definitely neither of those two things.

"I know, baby. Mommy called the doctor, okay? We're going to help you feel better really soon." The timeline for his surgery had been moved up from two weeks to as soon as possible. If Noah's wheezing got worse, we could end up with an emergency situation. I was tempted just to take him to the emergency room at St Anne's anyway to get a second opinion.

"When can I feel better? I want to jump on Nana's champoline." The comical way he mixed up the words made me smile.

"It's called a trampoline, buddy, and really, really soon, okay?" I brushed the hair out of his eyes and noticed he was moist with sweat, a symptom of how hard his body was working. My gut told me to take him in, but I wanted to trust Dr. Butler's expertise.

My phone buzzed, and I unlocked it again. Ethan had been texting me casually while he worked. He knew I was off today for personal reasons, and he seemed concerned about me, though I had told him a number of times that I wasn't sick.

Ethan 10:48 AM: I could bring you some soup at lunch time if you want.

It was sweet of him to offer, but we had already eaten an early lunch because Noah was hungry. He hadn’t even eaten breakfast because of his tummy hurting, so I made him a grilled cheese and we'd only just finished and cleaned up. I'd been reading him picture books for a few minutes.

Lily 10:48 AM: I'm fine, really. I told you I just took a personal day to deal with something. Thank you, though.

I went back to reading to Noah, who looked annoyed at me for taking a break from the book to respond to Ethan. With my phone in my lap, Noah curled up next to me holding the book I read to him about shapes and colors. I saw two more messages from Ethan but ignored them because I noticed Noah getting tired. Sleeping was the best thing for him right now because if he was sleeping, he wasn't aware of his own suffering, nor was he jumping around or worsening the condition.

"You getting sleepy, buddy?" I asked, and he shook his head defiantly.

"I not tired. You read the book to me." He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted, and I set the book aside.

"I know you think you're not tired, but I see sleepy eyes." I scooped him up and grabbed my phone, and we headed upstairs to the bedroom. I'd been letting him sleep in my bed with me ever since we moved back in with Mom and Dad because I'd been worried about him. I didn't know how I'd fare when I finally got my own place and he wanted to sleep in his own bed.

"Nana said ice cream for supper." He scrunched his nose and patted my cheek, and I took his glasses off him and set him on the side of the bed.

"Nana is silly. You need to eat healthy food first." I winked at him. "Need to potty first?" I asked, and he scowled.

"No." Grumpy and frustrated with me, he crawled up onto the pillow and lay down. I took his baby blanket and covered him in it. He'd been attached to it ever since his surgery when it became his security blanket. When the one he used at the time got a hole, I went out and found an identical one and bought five more, just in case something happened to it again. I figured I couldn't be too careful, and by the time he outgrew the need for it, they’d all be used up.

"Want me to cuddle?" I asked, and he turned his back to me, so I lay down in bed next to him quietly while I waited for sleep to claim him. My phone buzzed a few more times. I figured it was all Ethan, waiting for me to respond, but I didn't know if I wanted to respond.

I'd done a lot of thinking about it, mostly at night when I should have been sleeping but I was wide awake with insomnia thanks to the anxiety I'd been having. Ethan was Noah's father, and he had every right to know what was going on. It was selfish of me on the part of both Noah and Ethan to continue skirting the issue and blaming it on the past every time I got flighty and scared he was close to figuring it out.

Yes, we had reconnected, and my God, was it amazing. I wanted to keep it, to savor the way he made me feel so wantedby chasing me and being so perfect—more perfect than ever. But it was only prolonging the torture for me and delaying the fact that my confession would end it. I was letting my own heart get carried away in desiring something that would never happen, and I had to stop. I opened my phone and read Ethan's messages.

Ethan 10:53 AM: I could stop by that bakery you love on Tower Road. Get you some of those scones you like so much.

Ethan 10:55 AM: Or I could bring you coffee? You like the espresso from Margret’s still, right?"

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