Page 21 of Silver Fox's Secret Baby

Ethan 11:12 AM: I don't want to sound pushy. I was just hoping for some time with you. Were you still thinking of coming to dinner tonight?

Ethan 11:13 AM: It's okay if not. I just thought we were doing well with rekindling…

That last one got me. He felt it too, the warm intimacy when we were good together, and it wasn't just the sex. We'd had so few interactions outside of work, but when we had, he was showing himself to be the most amazing man on the planet. I, however, was showing myself to be so messed up, up and down, back and forth. Ethan deserved better, and I needed to show him better if I had any chance of convincing him I felt horrible and wanted to undo my past decisions. God knows, he'd shown me already.

Lily 11:24 AM: What are you doing for lunch? I can meet you.

I typed and sent the message and knew he'd reply instantly. I had to get this all off my chest. I originally thought telling him while going through this was going to make it worse for me, but the longer the symptoms Noah was having dragged on, the more I realized not telling Ethan was making it worse, not the other way around. I had to get it off my chest so I didn't worry about it and I could focus on my little boy—our little boy.

Whatever happened, happened. I couldn't change it. I made my choices, and they had consequences, and I knew I had to deal with those consequences now.

Ethan 11:25 AM: I'm going home to put food in the crock pot for dinner and grab a sandwich. Want to meet me there?

My heart skipped a beat. Telling him in public would have been hard enough. Telling him at home where he had the privacy to really blow up and get angry with me scared me. I was nervous, not responding immediately, and my thumbs hovered over the screen, shaking. But if I backed out now, I knew I'd never get the courage up to do it again. I glanced at Noah, whose eyes were shut, and knew it was the best thing for him. Tiny snores came from his slightly parted lips, and part of me broke. He deserved a chance to know his father.

Lily 11:27 AM: I'll be there in twenty.

I slipped from bed and grabbed my keys as I shoved my feet into my sandals. With my phone in my pocket, I jogged down the steps and into the kitchen where Mom sat. She looked up when I walked in.

"Hey, Noah's napping. Do you mind watching him while I run out for an errand? Call me as soon as he wakes up?" With his wheezing getting worse and his complaining of belly pain, I wanted someone watching him round the clock now.

"Of course. Go on," she said, gesturing with her hand. She didn't question what my "errand" was, and I didn't tell her. If I spoke about it, I'd change my mind.

Twenty minutes later, as promised, I was parked in Ethan's driveway, staring up at his house. His car was here too, maybe only for a few minutes before I pulled up. He might be getting lunch or he could be watching out the window, wondering why I was hesitating. My stomach churned, and I felt like I'd throw up, but I forced myself out of the car. My feet carried me to the door, and I shook a little as I rang the bell.

When he opened, he had a smile on his face and he reached for me. I let him pull me in for a hug, and I savored the closeness for those few seconds. I knew once I said what I'd come to say, I wouldn't be so lucky as to enjoy his embrace anymore.

"Ethan, there is something I need to talk to you about." Words were already forming in my thoughts, how I would say it, what I would say. My apology would mean little or nothing, and I doubted that even the fiercest love would be forgiving enough to listen without being angry or hurt. No doubt Ethan cared for me, but after this, we'd be civil with each other and any lasting intimacy we had would be shattered. He'd never trust me again.

"Alright, but I have something to say first." He shut the door and led me by the hand into the kitchen.

There was a smattering of canned goods open but empty on the counter next to the crockpot. A spoon with some sort of sauce on it lay next to them, and on the other side of the island was a stack of papers. Ethan walked right over to the stack of papers and picked them up with a huge grin.

"I know this is really insane and that things are awkward and still not the best between us, but I talked to HR." He turned and walked toward me as my eyebrows rose. "What happened last time can't happen again. We snuck around and we were stupid, and I didn't take care of things properly. This time, before we even start out, I wanted things done correctly so neither of us had regrets or risked our jobs.

“Mom gave me some good advice, and I intend to take it. Lily, real love goes beyond mistakes and failures. Both of us are human and both of us made mistakes before. I want you to know I will love you beyond all of that.”

He handed me the papers, and I saw the title on the top of the first one. It read,Declaration of Relationship for Excusal from Non-Fraternization Policy.My eyes welled up with tears as I looked over the paper which he had already filled in andsigned. I glanced through them as the tears started to fall, but I didn't know what to say. This man was offering me everything I wanted, and I was about to break his heart.

"Say something," he urged, but all I could do was cry. This time, I wasn't running away. I had to tell him he had a son.

Heaven help me…

16

ETHAN

The way Lily just stood there crying, holding the HR documents in her hands, made me wonder what she was thinking. Was she sad that I'd gone behind her back or overwhelmed with joy that I was doing the right thing? She was speechless, and I was nervous she was going to rush away again. I stepped forward and took the papers from her hands and set them down on the counter, then cupped both of her cheeks and used my thumbs to brush away her tears.

"I told you I want to do this thing the right way this time, Lily. I know last time ended horribly because of my fears and insecurities. I want you to know I refuse to let my ego or pride get in the way this time. I went straight to HR the minute I saw you. I am in love with you and I want you in my life."

My words only made her cry harder, which further confused me. I leaned down and kissed her softly, and she reached up and wrapped her hands around my wrists. It wasn't a hesitant touch either. It was needy and desperate, as if she wanted to curl up inside my chest and hide from whatever emotion she was feeling, and I wanted her there. I wanted the space I had carved out for her to be filled by her presence and for her to feel safe.

"I do love you," I whispered, but she greedily kissed me again, then tangled her fingers in the hair at the back of my head. The more she kissed me, the harder I got, hungry to cement this moment of affection by being inside her. She was addictive and I was the addict, seeking the fix from whatever she was willing to give me.

I didn't even check the time. I walked her backward across the kitchen, kissing her the entire way, until we were passing through the living room. I wasn't watching where we were going, and we bumped into the couch. Lily whimpered and started unbuttoning my shirt, and I followed her lead. I tugged on her shirt and untucked it from her slacks. She raised her arms so I could pull it over her head. Her tits spilled from her bra when I unhooked it, and I grabbed one, kneading it.

"This time, we'll do it right. No sneaking around in secret," I told her, and she whined again. Her sniffling and soft cries felt so vulnerable to me, like this was healing a place in her heart that had been raw and wounded. And she was pliable, letting me mold her with my hands, yielding to my touch.

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