Page 21 of Got to be You

“Me too,” I gush. “You have no idea how much. But for now… this is how it has to be. Just for now.”

We remain where we are for a little while longer, just staring into one another’s eyes, losing ourselves in the love that we share. Saying goodbye to this is challenging, but I don’t think I would change what we shared for anything in the world. It’s been magical, life-altering, crazy, amazing, difficult, fun, andgenerally just the best experience ever. The memories are worth it. They will have to be because this is all we have left. Still, it tears me apart as he pulls away and leaves. I know there are going to be a lot more tears, but at least I have closure now. I have a real end rather than just running away. That’s much better.

15

JAX

This sucks.I know this should be the happiest day of my life. I’mfinallymoving into the band’s pad in LA, but my heart is aching. Leaving Lilly behind knowing that she doesn’t intend to ever see me again, at least not for the foreseeable future, is ripping me apart. It’s killing me. I can’t stand it. There is a big part of me that just wants to run back to her, to give up everything for her, but she doesn’t want that. She wouldn’t let me. She wants me to live out my dream and that’s why she set me free… but I don’t feel free.

I’m trapped. Trapped in the knowledge that Lilly and I could have made it work if we tried, but she didn’t want to. She thought it easier to walk away, but this isn’t simple. This is hard.

Staying together, giving it a go would have been easier. It might not have ended up in arguing over the phone and long-distance drama. It could have resulted in the best relationship ever, in the most beautiful place in the world. Because as Hollywood spins past the car window, I can’t deny that it’s amazing.

“So, this is the place.” The driver pulls the car up outside an incredible-looking Hollywood pad that Will has arranged for us.I’m impressed, blown away, actually. This is enough to make me forget all of my pain. “Spike and Harry have already move into the place, so you might be stuck with the dud room… although looking at the building, I can’t believe there is a dud bedroom in there.” He laughs loudly. “Are you okay, though, Jax? You look a bit sick. Is there anything else I can do for you? Because Will needs you happy.”

“I’m good.” I gulp back the thick ball of fear that lodges in my throat. “This is good news for me.”

I grab my bag, wondering if one bag is going to be enough… although I suppose I’ll be able to buy new stuff once the money starts rolling in and I’ll be able to buy better to fit in. With my bag and a wave to the driver, I head toward my new home with just a little bubble of excitement creeping through everything else.

It’s difficult not to be a little bit pleased at this crazy, incredible dream coming to life. I mean, I never thought that it would be as good as this. I assumed that once I finished college, I would struggle to get to where I want to be, but I’m here already, lucky as all hell. Iknowwhat a good thing I have here.

“Hey, was that the door?” I hear Spike yell, his voice echoing because we have so much space. “Is that Jax? It better be because we aren’t complete until that bastard is here. It’s supposed to be to today, right?”

“Jax?” Harry cries out, bringing a smile to my face. I love that the guys accept me so willingly.

“Yeah, it’s me,” I yell back. “This place is pretty fucking incredible, isn’t it?”

I take the stairs two at a time and find the guys in a massive open-plan floor. It’s all very white, very bright. The sunshine floods the room and makes it look like a dream come true. The kitchen, dining room, and living room stretch out as far as the eye can see, and it’s all so well-stocked. Everything a guy could want. Video games, a massive TV, cooking appliances, comfy looking couches… just wow.

“Pretty nice, right?” Spike laughs. “Take a look out that window and see what you think.”

I step quickly. I move fast because I’m so keen to see whatever treats this place has to offer, and I see a giant yard complete with a swimming pool. A fucking swimming pool! That’s a sign that you’ve made it, isn’t it? That must mean that we’ve made it already. I’m flying higher than air.

“Think about all the pool parties we can have.” Harry laughs. “This is just wonderful, isn’t it?”

“Oh, my God.” I clap my hands to my mouth knowing that I never want to leave this place. I don’t ever want to go home to visit anyone, no matter how many people I promised, because everything that I’ve wanted is right here. “This is something else. Fucking hell, guys. This is incredible. This is… I have no words.”

“I was the same,” Harry tells me wryly. “Of course, I had Spike with me who had all the words in the world. He didn’tstoptalking. But it hasn’t felt complete without you here. Now the fun can really start.”

“Yeah?” My heart starts racing faster. “What sort of fun were you thinking about?”

“Another night out on the town.” Spike pats me on the back. “We need to have more fun, don’t you think? We had a good nightout the last time… although some of us more than others, am I right?”

“I didn’t kiss anyone,” I insist. “It was just a picture. Honestly, that has caused me so much trouble.”

“Hey, who cares?” Spike shrugs. “It got us a lot of publicity and that’s before we explode onto the scene. Any publicity is good publicity, especially when it comes to sexy pop stars. Maybe you should date her.”

“Nah,” Harry jumps in. “We shouldn’t date anyone. We need to be single. You know, for the fans.”

“Wait, so you guys are both single?” I check, because right now, this is important to me with what I’m going through. When they both nod, I feel relieved. “Good, me too. So, we can all have a lot of fun, then. Are we planning to go out tonight? Because I won’t let jet lag get in the way if we are.”

The guys cheer, and Spike pulls some beer from the fridge to get the party started. I suppose this is better, isn’t it? It’s for the best for me to really throw myself into it. That’s what Lilly wants for me and that’s what I’m going to do. And if there are any beautiful women who want to throw themselves at me again… well, since I can’t have love, maybe I can just have satisfaction. Why the hell not?

I’m drunk. Yep, as I try to blink a few times, I can see that I’m most definitely drunk. The room is swirling around me and every blink just makes my eyes blurrier, so no more booze is needed.

Yet at the same time, a lot more booze is needed because I need to block out this pain. Even in the middle of this party, even in this unfamiliar, exciting place, I’m still feeling the agony of losing Lilly.

I want that to go now. I don’t want to hurt over the woman I can’t have. I just need a fresh start. She suggested that maybe we might make it back together if our paths ever cross again, but to me it feels like we simply lost our chance and that’s the end of it. It’s over, and we need to move on.

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