Page 22 of Got to be You

“Delete her number,” I say to myself, or something to that effect in my slurred, drunken state. “That’s what I need to do. Delete her number or I’ll end up calling her, and no one wants that.”

“What did you say?” someone beside me asks. “Are you talking to me?”

I pull out my phone and shake my head no. “I don’t think so. I’m talking to myself. I need to get rid of my ex-girlfriend’s phone number because I know I can’t ever talk to her again.”

“Ah, bad breakup?” The woman smiles at me with her bright red lips. “Let me do it for you. I can even give you my number at the same time. Just in case you ever need someone to talk to about it.”

“Talk to?” Why the hell would I need to talk to anyone about it? It’s over and done. “I don’t know.”

“Well, we don’t have to do any talking, if you know what I mean by that.” She winks. “Let me guess, you’re some music guy. Am I right? Someone who’s about to make it big. I can tell because you aren’t all jaded yet.” She tosses her head back and lets her hair flow down her back. Her raven colored hair shimmers weirdlyunder the light. “I like that. Fresh meat. You’re going to have a good time here.”

She hands over my cell phone once more, and I see the big blank space where Lilly’s name used to be. She really is gone. Through all of my big talk and bluster, I don’t know if I was really ready for that. But it’s too late now. It’s gone. She’s gone. There’s a hole where my heart should be. But I suppose I don’t need my heart any longer. It isn’t going to help me here. This is my time to move on, to forget about the past. Yes, it was a fun memory, but it’s over now and it’s time for me to make some new ones.

How did the night turn into a pool party back at our place? I honestly have no idea. I remember us discussing it before we headed out to the club, but I don’t know when it changed. I’m sure that Spike is the one who suggested it. He’s right in the middle of everything, in the middle of the pool, loving life. I’m not quite sure where Harry is. He was with some girl earlier, so he might be in his bedroom with her.

This is going to be the norm now,I tell myself as I look around at everyone enjoying themselves in our house.And this is the dream. Parties, fun, music… this is everything I want and more.

It seems like everyone from Hollywood loves a party as well, even more than college students. They’re wild. I’m going to have to make sure that Adam comes here at some point. He would love this. I could really see him here in the pool, chatting to everyone he wants to, flirting with girls… oh, unless he’s with Anna, I suppose. I never know what’s going on with them two and I suppose I won’t now…

I shake my head, trying to forget everything I can about Adam and Anna, about everyone and everything from the past. That will only eventually lead me to thinking about the one person I can’t ever think of again. God, I wish that stranger with the red lips didn’t delete her number. Sure, I wanted it gone, but now I don’t like the idea ofneverbeing able to check in to even say hi. I suppose she might message me at some point, in which case I’ll be able to contact her right back. All will be okay then.

“Stop it,” I warn myself. “Stop thinking of her. Just focus on the now. This moment, right now.”

But with my head spinning and the sickness starting to come for me, the now isn’t what I want it to be. I stagger through the house, pushing past people I don’t even know in my house, and I head to my bedroom, which may well be the dud one in the house, but it’s actually incredible, and I fall gratefully onto the bed. Thank God there is no one in my room hooking up. I want this to be a sacred space just for me. I have a feeling with this new very fast, very chaotic pace of life, I’m going to need it.

16

LILLY

Three Years Later…

“Hey, Lilly,” my boss, Sandra, calls up to me as I teeter at the top of a ladder, fitting my new speakers in place before the show tonight. “How are you doing up there? You okay there? Do you need any help?”

“Nah, I’ve it.” I laugh. “Thank you, though, Sandra. I appreciate it. I’m almost done here.”

I wipe some of the sweat away, noting to myself how hard I’m working. Not that I mind hard work. I mean, this is what I knew I was getting myself in for. Sound engineering is always going to be a challenge. But I love it. I absolutely love being in charge of the sound here at the local theater. It’s my dream job. The only slight issue is that the theater is very close to the college building where I spent that infamous semester which turned my life upside down. Not that I’m thinking about that anymore. It was three years ago and life has moved on a lot. It’s just a little reminder of the pain I once experienced way back when.

Butit was all worth it because now I have my dream job. I have it all. No love, maybe. But everything else.

“All done,” I call just before I climb back down from the ladder. “Now I’m just going to check it all out.”

“Hey, Lilly.” Dan, a guy who works behind the ticket desk, says. “How are you? You look nice today.”

I smile politely at Dan because he’s a nice enough guy, but his obvious crush is a lot for me. He hasn’t outright let me know he likes me yet, so I can’t turn him down politely. Not that there is anything wrong with him. I just don’t feel any spark with him at all. He isn’t the one for me. But right now, we’re in this weird space where I don’t want to address it and make things awkward at work until he does.

“Yeah, I’m good, thanks. Busy as always,” I reply blandly. “How are things at the front desk?”

“Boring.” He shrugs his shoulders. “But then it never changes, does it? Not like your job. Nowthatis fascinating. What have you been doing up the ladder? Fixing up the speakers?” I nod. “Wow. Looks good.”

“Right, yes, erm… thank you.” The air is so thick, I never know what to say to him. It isn’t like the easygoing conversations I’ve had in the past. Not that I need that. When the conversation was easygoing, my world broke apart. “So, I just need to go and check on the speakers.”

“Are you headed out to the bar tonight with everyone else?” he interrupts as if he hasn’t heard me. “Because I’ll be there and well… it’s always better when you’re around.”

As his cheeks flame red, I feel dreadful for not being head over heels for the nice guy. It would be so easy for me just to go on a date with him and see where it leads, but I’ve already experienced that bolt of electricity when I first see someone and I know love won’t be the same without it.

And anyway, I’m not even looking for love. I want to focus on my career first.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “I’m pretty shattered. I’ll see how I feel at the end of the day.”

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