Page 10 of Strangers in Love

Brody hadn’t fucked up at all. Instead, he’d created Shannon’s, a distillery that made some of the best alcohol on the west coast. He’d named it after our biological mother. I didn’t really remember her, but the stories I’d heard from Da and my brothers made me think that she would’ve loved Brody giving his business her name. Da said she’d been a badass.

Well, not specifically a badass, because Da wouldn’t call any woman that – even if they were – but he’d called her a “firecracker.” When I’d asked Brody what that meant, he’d been the one to say “badass.”

I sometimes wondered what she would’ve thought about me. Or how my life would’ve been different if she hadn’t died. I loved my stepmother and the brothers and sisters that’d merged into our family when she married my father, but a part of me couldn’t help thinking about the what-ifs.

Like how, if my mother’d been around, I might not have enlisted at all. I might’ve chosen a different path in life. Become something more like the rest of my family. A businessman. A professor.

I almost laughed. Who the hell was I kidding? I never would’ve gone into business or education. Not medicine or law either. I didn’t have the temperament for any of those professions. Honestly, now that I thought about it, I probably would’ve partnered with Brody. Besides the fact that we both enjoyed a good drink and a beautiful woman, he liked adrenaline. He’d been a surfer as a teenager and probably could’ve gone pro if he hadn’t saved a stupid kid who’d had no business being on the water one day. Until recently, Brody’d been the most scarred member of the family.

I frowned and was jolted with a twinge of pain – a reminder of who held that title now. Not that I could ever forget. Even if I avoided anything that could give me a reflection, the way people looked at me was enough. It’d be worse now that I was a civilian.

There were perks of going back to civilian life, I reminded myself. Like never having to go in public unless I wanted to. Not having the constant reminders of the brothers I’d lost. Not having to put on my dress uniform and those damn medals.

Before leaving Germany, Staff Sergeant Ryerson and I had been presented with Purple Hearts. He’d also gotten the Distinguished Service Cross, which he’d deserved. I’d earned the Silver Star Medal, but I shouldn’t have. If Ryerson hadn’t seen me take two bullets while trying to get Leo to safety, it wouldn’t have been an issue. I’d told him that I didn’t deserve it, but he hadn’t listened.

I ran my hand over my head. My hair was already longer than it had been since I was eighteen. It felt strange, but I didn’t plan on cutting it any time soon. Anything that could keep me from looking like a soldier was a good thing in my book.

“Eoin.” Brody called my name while knocking on the door at the same time.

“Not so loud, asshole,” I said as I motioned for him to come in. “Some of us have a bitch of a headache.”

He raised an eyebrow and grinned at me. “Sounds to me like some of us are hung over.”

I flipped him off, and he just laughed. He was thirty-one and still acted like that easy-going surfer he’d been in high school. Looked pretty close to the same too. Sandy brown hair that still looked like he just rolled out of bed and went with it. Blue-green eyes that were a perfect combination of Da’s blue and Ma’s green. That smile that drove women crazy. Like most of the guys in our family, he’d never had any trouble getting laid, but women were hardly ever pissed at him when he didn’t want to take things further. He’d been my idol when it’d come to women.

Not that it mattered anymore. I hadn’t been with a woman since the night before the ambush. Some of it was because I’d spent a lot of that time physically healing. Some of it was because I really didn’t want to see the expression on a woman’s face when she got a good look at me.

But when I let myself be brutally honest, my abstinence helped keep me from going insane. When I thought about sex, it made me remember that last night. Leo and I had talked about everything we wanted to do when we got home at the end of our tour, things he’d never get to do now.

“Got everything packed?” Brody’s voice had softened, and I wanted to hit him for it.

I didn’t deserve “soft” from anyone.

“Right there,” I practically grunted. I picked up the duffel bag, and he grabbed the box I’d put everything else in.

“This is it?”

I shrugged. “No point in collecting shit as much as I move around.”

Movednow. Notmove. Past tense.

“You sure you want to stay with Mom and Da?” Brody followed me out to his car. “I’ve got room at my place.”

I shook my head. “They want to keep an eye on me. Figure I might as well make it easy on them.”

He seemed to accept the answer even though it wasn’t all the truth. Not even most of it. No, I’d agreed to move back in with them because staying with any of my brothers would just remind me of everything I’d lost. And as much as I didn’t need extra help feeling like shit, it was more about the fact that they didn’t need to be around someone this fucked up. I didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s life. I’d done enough of that already.

Eight

Eoin

I’d been homefor ten days, and I’d finally gotten up the courage to do the thing I’d been dreading from the moment I was told that Leo was dead. Even though I’d been less than twenty minutes away since I’d come back to the States, I hadn’t left the base, hadn’t gone back to my parents’ house, to the neighborhood. I’d known that, as soon as I was back here, I’d have to face all the memories of Leo and me growing up.

And I’d have to face his family.

I ran my fingers through my hair and wished I’d thought to get it cut so it was neater. I’d shaved for the first time in almost two weeks, but that’d been due to the realization that my facial hair drew more attention to the scar because hair wouldn’t grow there. I hadn’t really thought about looking presentable until I’d already made the decision to go today. I didn’t want to put it off any longer, though, not even for a haircut. I wasn’t sure how long it would take me to get the nerve again.

The army had sent Leo’s…remains home, and Da had told me that there’d been a funeral while I’d been recovering in Germany. Even if I hadn’t gotten hurt, I wouldn’t have been able to go since I would’ve still been deployed at the time. There was a big difference between missing a funeral while serving my country and missing it because I’d been fucked up just enough to be stuck in the hospital, but not enough to be going into the ground too.

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