Page 11 of Strangers in Love

I double-checked my t-shirt and khaki shorts to make sure everything was clean. Mom would’ve done my laundry if I let her, but I’d insisted that I take care of it myself. After all, I’d taken care of my own laundry for the last decade. Except I hadn’t done my clothes since I’d left the base, which meant I’d gotten down to the last of my clean ones.

Maybe that was why I’d finally decided to man up and do what Leo and I had always promised each other we’d do if one of us didn’t make it home.

Satisfied that I didn’t look like a slob, I picked up the box on the top of my dresser and headed downstairs. Da and Mom had left a couple hours ago, so I jotted a note to tell them I’d be back later. They wouldn’t expect me to, but I didn’t want them worrying about me. Well, not more than they already were. The very least I could do was make sure they weren’t wondering where I was.

A lot of us kids had the kind of jobs where keeping a car of our own wasn’t easy, or we lived in places like New York City where most people used public transportation, so a few of us had come up with an idea. All of us went in to buy two cars we kept here at our parents’ place, and whenever any of us were here, we could use either car. I was the only one here right now, so I could’ve taken either one, but it was a nice June day and where I was going was only a mile away, so I walked.

My calf muscles had healed, but there was still some stiffness when I started. It didn’t take long to work it out. Even though I’d already decided not to re-enlist, I’d worked my ass off in physical therapy to get back my full range of motion and keep my muscle tone, but I’d finished my last session a few days before I’d left and hadn’t started up again.

As I reached the McCormack house, I made a mental note to start working out again, no matter what I ended up doing in the future. The walk should’ve been easier. It was crazy how quickly I’d gotten out of shape. Well, not completely out of shape, but enough that I noticed.

I was stalling.

“Stop being a coward.” I forced myself to say the words out loud, and then I pushed the doorbell.

I didn’t remember ever doing that before, although I’d probably rang the bell the first time or two I’d come to visit by myself. It’d taken a while before I’d realized that they’d meant it when they’d told me to come right in like I was a member of the family.

Then the door opened, and I couldn’t chicken out anymore. Not with Nana Naz looking up at me with Leo’s eyes.

“Eoin.”

There was so much emotion in that one word that my throat closed up. No blame there. No anger.

She opened her arms. “Come here, boy.”

I was a foot and a half taller than her, but it didn’t matter. I bent down and hugged her. Closing my eyes, I could almost pretend everything was normal. That I’d just stopped by to see the family.

“Mama, who’s at the…” Another familiar voice trailed off. “Eoin.”

Nana Naz let me go and stepped back. “Come in. Can I get you something to drink?”

I shook my head. Water might’ve been nice, but I wasn’t about to make either of them get it for me, and they’d never let me get it on my own.

“Good to see you.”

Israel McCormack was younger than both of my parents by about a decade, but when I reached for his outstretched hand, I realized that he almost looked their age now. A little more gray in his goatee, but it was more the lines around his mouth and eyes that did it. Like both Da and Mom, he’d lost the love of his life when Leo was young, but he hadn’t found the later love like my parents had. And now, he’d lost his only child.

“Sit down.” Nana Naz put her hand on my arm. “Tell us how you’re doing.”

Automatically, I went to the sofa where Leo and I had usually sat when we used to visit, but before I could sit down, I saw a change on the wall shelves that ran from floor to ceiling, and I froze.

The last time I’d been here, Leo’s school pictures had covered the bottom two shelves. Family photos were on the top three. The top of the middle two had always been focused on Angel, Leo’s mom. A wedding picture. One with her holding Leo as an infant. A couple with Israel, her, and Leo. The lower of the middle shelves had been for Leo as an adult. A copy of the one of me and him heading off to basic. One of us from graduation. A couple candid shots from overseas.

Those candid shots were gone now. They’d been replaced by the flag they’d been given at his funeral and a shadow box with his obituary.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I barely recognized my own voice as I offered the apology I knew wasn’t even close to enough.

“We know you would have been if you could,” Israel said. He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I usually don’t indulge this early in the afternoon, but I think we can make an argument for a beer or two, don’t you?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak as Israel went to the kitchen. I hadn’t really thought this through. I’d been so focused on telling them how sorry I was that I hadn’t considered how hard being here would hit me.

When Israel came back in and handed me a beer, I sat and tried not to look at the flag or the obituary.

“We were so sorry to hear you were hurt.” Nana Naz broke the silence first. “But don’t you worry about that scar. You’re just as handsome as ever.”

“Mama, he might not want to talk about that,” Israel said quietly.

“It’s okay.” I gave them a stiff smile. “I was lucky, I know.”

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