Page 7 of Inevitably Yours

“Okay, I’ll spill, if you will. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Okay, I love you dearly and do want to spend time with you, but also, I need to get the heck outta Dodge. Mom and Dad are driving me nuts. Dad is all about getting me my company ID. Do you know he gave me the security forms at graduation? Like a gift or something. Then Mom and Chadwick started talking wedding planners. Freaking wedding planners, Gus.”

“Oh, my God, you’re engaged? Why didn—”

Gus’ squeal was cut off with a very frustrated sounding reply, “Argh. No, I’m not. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. Mom, Dad, and Chadwick are planning our wedding, and I was never even asked. Look, I just need to get away, sort all this out. Be with my big sister when she brings a child into the world and find a way to reconcile what I want with the life I am destined to live.”

Gus knew that feeling all too well; she was a major disappointment because she left to pursue some “hippy dream” and threw their “gifts” back in her parents’ faces. Well, if I’m so hippy to them, why did they name their kids January Snow and Augusta Rain? Maybe that was why, they were making up for their own hippy phase. Gus knew they held the reins on Jan twice as hard because of her, so she didn’t hesitate. “Pack your bags and get here as soon as you can. You can stay as long as you like, and we will figure things out for you, okay? But for now, I really must go. I love you and will give you all the details when you get here.”

Gus barely heard January’s, “Thanks, love you, too,” before she ended the call, grabbed her laptop, and went live.

In only a few minutes, her viewers were up to twenty-three. That was pretty usual. Those were the women closest to her situation and due date. They, like her, had judgmental people in their lives and craved the camaraderie this little Facebook group afforded them.

Gus condensed the whole situation with John from earlier to about three minutes. As soon as she got to the part where he asked her out, the questions started to flow.

“So, Marylyn, hi Marylyn. Marylyn asked if John’s attitude toward the pregnancy has changed. Well, I don’t know. I know he still looked at me with disappointment, but something shifted. Not all good. I almost felt like it was a pity date or something, but if I don’t give it a chance to run its course, I’ll never forgive myself. I truly believe there is something I’m not getting. Maybe in his past or, I hate to even think, homophobia. Neither father believes that to be the case, and John’s a good man. But there is something going on. I’m hoping I can break through and find it, put his fears to rest, and maybe give us a chance at being a couple.”

Gus scanned the screen and mumbled to herself before speaking aloud, “No Ginger, Stacy is being zero help. But, I can understand that. They are close, and if he has secrets, they are not hers to tell. He protected hers, I have no doubt she’ll protect his.”

Scanning the live questions again, Gus found one she couldn’t resist reliving.

“Carrie wants to know about my falling in love with John, and how I know he’s a good man, or rather, a good man for me. Well, this is a long one. I’ve told you the story of Skynyrd, and I think that was when the seed was planted. With the matchmaking efforts going on around me to get Dax and myself together, we, or at least, I, ignored it. We didn’t flirt the way most people do when a crush is new. We pretended it was nothing. Since I still feel giddy about it, to me, that means it must be something special. Something more than just butterflies in my stomach and wet underwear because it’s exciting and new.” Then lower, more to herself than anyone else, she added, “I just know it is.”

Gus paused for a moment and enjoyed a few private memories. Not all were for public consumption. The look in John’s eyes when their lips almost met. It wasn’t just all crackling heat, there was a reverence there—a look that told her John knew too, the moment their lips met would be cataclysmic and life-altering. Of course, that never happened.

In reflection, Gus realized those big bang type moments were not what strengthened and solidified the love she felt for him the most. Sure, they did their part, no doubt about that, but it was the sum of all the small things. The intensity of his gaze on her when she was telling one of her patented OTT—over the top—Gus tales, as Erika dubbed them. It was in the gentle touch of his hand and the sincerity in his aphrodisiac voice when he asked how she was feeling or how a session went or how her dinner was.

The sexy wink he always added just for her when they parted didn’t hurt either. It seemed the man never asked her a question that he didn’t genuinely want to know the answer to. John was not a man to ask a socially acceptable question for the sake of being polite. If he asked, he dang sure wanted to know.

Maybe it was the love and care he put into his relationship with his sister that melted her heart. Perhaps it was the way he lit up when he talked about raising his brother, or the way he darkened when speaking of his death that nurtured the budding love she had for him.

The way he treated Francis and Frank most definitely stole a piece of her heart. Even though closer to their age than to their biological children, Walker and Tori, he allowed them to parent him the way they did the rest of the gang—not for his benefit, although it would always be that too, but for theirs. It was who they were as people.

Gus had a private laugh at that thought, because John and Frank shared that fatherly role in Michael’s life.

A low battery notification on her laptop pulled her from the sonnet of all things John and back to her live feed. Apparently, she had been in la-la land for a bit, because she had to scroll past a whole butt-ton of “HELLO” and “ARE YOU FROZEN” messages to get to the last question she was supposed to answer.

“Okay guys, I’ve gotta run. My computer is dying, and I need to get ready. To summarize, yes, I believe there is hope for people in our situation. If someone isn’t worthy of our love, then they will weed themselves out. But, if they are still around, you know there is something there. I love John. I have for a while, and as much as he has been distant lately, he is still around, and he did ask me out, so, who knows where it will lead. However, you ladies will get the exclusive, minus the personal details, if I’m lucky, in the morning. So, for tonight, ladies, remember, you are worthy and deserve love. Never settle. While our actions may be flawed, that does not mean we are broken. That applies to others, as well. Y’all are so much more than a few decisions in your life and much stronger than you think.”

Gus clicked the “end feed” button and headed for her room with the laptop in tow. After she plugged it in, she decided it was time to get cleaned up and out of the ridiculous layers of clothes she was still wearing.

As she removed the sweats, she paused in her lingerie and looked at herself with new, hopeful eyes. She decided to take her own words to heart. She was worthy, and she wouldn’t settle. If John couldn’t love her, then she would find a way to move on. She had to—for herself and for the health of the baby she was carrying. Gus needed to embrace happiness, even if that meant letting John go.

She tracked her reflection and prayed she didn’t have to let him go. The longer she stared, the more comfortable she became. The more appreciation she had for her changing body. The more she believed maybe John was appreciating it too.

There it was, the most wicked of all four-letter words. Hope. Not only was it the most evil but the most heavenly, too.

A true duality—such danger, yet such promise—all held within one word.

Four little letters—two consonants and two vowels that can destroy or build, and one never knows which it will do until it is already in the past.

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